DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in trouble. I made a mistake. I was deeply surprised to see that a colleague served Thanksgiving dinner to her guests using aluminum pans, paper plates, paper napkins and plastic flatware. I posted a reaction to the photos of her dinner.

She is now angry and calls me a hater. This has stuck in her craw, because she keeps texting me. I suggested to her, and to others, that the holidays should be the time when we clear out china closets and use our very best china, stemware, flatware, etc. to serve our guests.

I admit I am biased. Growing up, my mother used the best of everything she had for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. I follow her standard. It is a matter of hospitality, and demonstrates to your family and friends that you went over and above the usual because they are special.

Apparently, my mother’s standards are no more. I know I was wrong to criticize. Should I apologize?

GENTLE READER: Is that all your mother taught you about the meaning of Thanksgiving and Christmas? “Use the good china”?

Yes, you must apologize, publicly and profusely, for having publicly humiliated someone who showed hospitality. Even so, Miss Manners doubts that she, or anyone who saw your posting, will ever invite you again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After cutting and eating a steak, is it proper to pick up the bone and glean the rest of the meat? The meat next to the bone is really good.

GENTLE READER: And, like many of life’s sensual treats, is best enjoyed in privacy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve noticed that many people have taken to declining invitations with: ”I’ll take a pass.” Personally, I find this a bit off-putting. (These are sincere invitations; we’re not talking about inviting someone to help out with a move or attend a first-grader’s performance.)

When did it become acceptable to give this response, as opposed to, “I’m sorry, but I’ve got a previous engagement” or even “Thank you, but it’s not my cup of tea”?

I’m sure Miss Manners doesn’t approve of passive-aggressive behavior. But when confronted with the response “I’ll take a pass,” should I presume that it is I who first offended the party with the invitation?

Or am I being too sensitive? Considering today’s harried environment, should I feel thankful that the invitee took the time to respond at all?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you are being too insensitive. To treat the offer of hospitality as if it were a commercial proposition is insulting -- yesterday, today and tomorrow. Miss Manners suggests upgrading your guest list rather than lowering your expectations.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught to always remove my hat when entering someone’s house, a restaurant or the like. I am always surprised, if not annoyed, when I see grown men sitting in a nice restaurant with their baseball caps on, sometimes even backwards. Is the custom of removing one’s hat still valid, or has it fallen by the wayside?

GENTLE READER: It is still valid. However, some people’s manners have fallen by the wayside.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I greet people at the airport for an elite limousine company that drives very rich people and celebrities. I am expected to be cooperative and gracious.

The first situation I have trouble with is huggers. Occasionally a client insists on hugging me. I’m a gregarious person, and I understand that in some cases this could be cultural, but I just met these people and may never see them again. How does Miss Manners deflect unwanted hugs?

The second is unwanted or inappropriate touching. (Sexual touching has never happened, and that’s easier to reject. You’re allowed to be rude in that case.) Here’s an example. I’m female, and a man once complimented my curly hair. I responded with a thank-you, but throughout the 10 to 15 minutes we were together, he touched my hair repeatedly.

I moved to put the luggage between us, but he moved around it so he could comment on and touch my hair again. I’m still kicking myself for not being more assertive, but I can’t think what else I could have said or done.

GENTLE READER: Actually, rummaging in your hair is sexual, and while Miss Manners condones neither rudeness nor violence, she would look the other way if you’d whopped him with his own luggage.

Try fending off those perhaps more innocent, but still presumptuous, hugs by holding the client’s name placard in front of you and reaching out for a pleasant handshake. Anything more intrusive should be met with the firm request that the client not try to distract you while you are doing your job.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love going to the movies. I love watching films on the big screen, and I understand that attending a show with an audience is part of the fun of cinema.

I also find myself getting annoyed with other patrons in the movie theater who feel compelled to be loud or rowdy during the show. I don’t attend midnight movies or teenage horror flicks or anything, where that kind of thing would be expected.

Is there a polite way to ask someone to keep it down? I try a stern look, and on occasion I’ve moved seats. How much noise made by someone in a movie theater is too much noise? My mom tells me that I’m being sensitive and that I should just ignore the people around me, but I have a hard time doing that.

GENTLE READER: When you speak of the pleasure of sharing a movie with an audience, Miss Manners believes that you refer to the collective laughter or gasps indicating that everyone is having the same experience. What you are experiencing, instead, is the distraction by people who are having their own, unrelated fun, whether with one another or through their devices.

As you have noticed, that is not much fun for others present. Many people have noticed this, and it must be one of the reasons that movie theaters are declining.

Watching at home has made it possible to assemble others who want to observe the same standard -- whether rowdiness, silence or something in between.

Miss Manners doubts that your mother really wants to desensitize you to the need for considerate manners in public places. Rather, she seems to be warning you that the situation is hopeless, as you cannot take on a crowd, and the usher who used to deal with disturbances is nowhere in sight.

Miss Manners recommends a discussion with your mother, in which you both defend your sensitivity to public rudeness and, if you share her residence, request a movie-streaming account that will enable you to enjoy films with like-minded people.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son told me last night of a situation where he was severely scolded by his live-in girlfriend. She was fixing dinner, and he went to the pantry to get a fruit bar because he had not eaten since that morning.

She claims that his getting a fruit bar while she was cooking dinner was incredibly rude. She not only scolded him, but wouldn’t eat dinner with him.

I contend that it was not rude unless he made a comment to the effect that his snack tasted better than what she was cooking. Do you agree? I’m guessing she has some other issues she has to deal with, and part of it may be related to their relationship. But since I told him it wasn’t rude, I was curious as to your thoughts.

GENTLE READER: Even though his mouth was full, did he forget to say “Mmmm, smells delicious. Anything I can do to help?”

While it is understandable to want to defend your son for seemingly innocent acts, Miss Manners feels compelled to remind you of what it seems you are already aware: One never knows what is truly happening inside another’s relationship. Questions that come to mind include: Does his girlfriend always do the cooking and he never offers to help? Does he frequently eat right before a meal she has prepared, and then profess not to be hungry?

Not making a direct comment about the comparative taste of the snack to the dinner did not really solve the fact that he was eating it in the presence of a much more labor-intensive meal. Next time, by asking if he can help, he could accomplish three things: Get on her good side, avoid a fight, and weigh the dinner’s timing against the relative needs of his stomach.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who sends me nice T-shirts for my birthday, Christmas, etc. They are the wrong size. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Exchange them for the right one.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have decided to treat myself to an occasional manicure and pedicure. I am having no luck in finding a salon where the persons doing my nails do not chat away in a foreign language with fellow employees while working on my nails.

The foreign language aspect is rude in itself. Also, I want the full attention of the person cutting, clipping, sanding and polishing my nails. Any advice?

GENTLE READER: Rethink pampering yourself with a transaction that involves people outside your limited circle.

While Miss Manners has sympathy for wanting service industry workers -- especially ones wielding sharp objects -- to pay attention, demanding that they cease all conversation is unreasonable. This might be why you are having trouble finding establishments that will oblige.

Rather than being annoyed, try pleasantly asking the nail technicians to translate so that you may contribute to the conversation -- and even learn something about their culture. Miss Manners has a feeling that this will produce the desired silence much more effectively than admonishment.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)