DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is a confirmed Republican in a left-wing, blue-state social milieu. We like to joke that ours is a mixed marriage: Democrat and Republican.

A little political disputation used to add spice to our friendly gatherings. These discussions would be started by either side and always ended with my husband defending himself against a roomful of disputants. I add, with pride, that he could hold his own and keep his temper.

However, a friend of ours, whom we had been trying to see for several months, recently told me that she was avoiding us because she didn’t want to be at a party with my husband because of his political views.

She and her husband were -- we thought -- close friends of ours. We took vacations together and we would frequently meet. She has not called since, but she did send us an invitation to a holiday cocktail party.

We declined, thinking it would be both awkward and pathetic to appear at such an impersonal gathering after her brush-off. Needless to say, we are both hurt by the rejection. We would like to think our lively conversation on many topics would be sufficient compensation for a difference of opinion on one.

Although we hate to lose friends, we can see no way to patch this up. Do you have any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Invite them to a party. After all, they made an overture by inviting you. And announce that you are invoking the old rule against political talk at social events.

You will say that civilized people ought to be able to air their differences without rancor, and to listen to one another’s points of view, and Miss Manners would agree in theory. But not, nowadays, in practice. People are too raw. And while your husband may show an admirable respect for people with different opinions, others may have trouble doing so.

You may recall that the rule also banned social conversations about religion and sex. Sophisticated people laugh at such a restraint. But Miss Manners can think of situations where social conversations about abortion and gender identity might not make for an amiable party.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It distresses me to no end to see so many people still smoking cigarettes. You see, I smoked for about 10 years and quit over 40 years ago. Just last year, I was diagnosed with lung cancer.

Fortunately, due to immunotherapy, my prospects look good. Would it be polite to hand out cards to strangers on the street that read, “Please stop smoking. I quit over 40 years ago and still got cancer”?

GENTLE READER: And would you have stopped sooner if a stranger had handed you a card? Especially a card stating that stopping smoking is no protection against eventual illness? Might not these people decide that, as quitting didn’t help you, they might just as well go on smoking?

With sympathy for you and appreciation for your concern for others, Miss Manners hopes to discourage you from doing this. You are presumably not a doctor, and you are definitely not those strangers’ doctor. You may not even be sure that your history is relevant, because while smoking is a major cause of lung cancer, there are other causes as well, which have afflicted even nonsmokers.

And what you certainly would cause is embarrassment and possibly anger.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the etiquette surrounding invitations for far-flung friends for bridal showers, etc., when it is probable they won’t be able to make it?

I know people want to make sure they include loved ones in their special events, but when does it cross a line into gift-grab territory? Realistically, a lot of people can’t travel cross-country for these events, but I also wouldn’t want to exclude people simply because of assumed travel burdens.

I was on the receiving end of a baby shower invitation for a high school friend’s wife. This friend has made zero effort to keep in contact with our friend group over the years (with the exception of attending the occasional wedding), let alone having us get to know his wife. I live across the country, and I’m sure there was zero expectation that I would travel for the shower. I interpreted this as a blatant gift-grab, and I politely declined to attend and sent a nice card instead.

I’m about to enter that stage of my life, and would love guidance on avoiding the appearance of 1. excluding folks based on their location, or 2. sending blatant gift-grab invitations. What really means the most to me is making sure loved ones know they’re special to me.

GENTLE READER: Showers, by their very nature, are a request for (nominal) presents -- but only from those attending. However, the ridiculous registries and size of these requests has upstaged any pretense of wanting to see the people who are being asked to hand them over.

Miss Manners has a simple solution: Extend invitations to those whom you would genuinely want to have there, no matter what their location. Then make an effort to stay in touch with those people so that your own motives are not similarly suspected.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Once or twice a year, my widowed mom, my husband, my sister, a kid or two, and I take a trip together. My sister complained to a friend that she is treated like a second-class citizen on these trips -- not given as nice a room or seat on the plane or van as others.

There is truth to this. Even though all the rooms cost the same, maybe one has a nicer view, and our mom gets that room. Or we rent a van, and the third row of seats is not as convenient for my mom, so the kids or my sister sit there.

What my sister didn’t say is that because she is broke, the rest of us pick up all the expenses and she never pays for anything. Ever. Not even ice cream.

I thought we were doing her a favor by taking her. Frankly, I’m not willing to both pay her way and defer to her, but my mom wouldn’t like it if we stopped inviting her.

GENTLE READER: Defer to age, not money. “We all want Mother to be comfortable. If there is any special luxury we can afford her on these trips, we want to make sure that she has it, even if it means making personal sacrifices to do so.”

And while Miss Manners did not use the word “afford” by accident, she asks you not to linger on it unduly.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a modest home. One pleasant Sunday morning as I was looking out the window, two young women with small dogs were walking on the public sidewalk in front of my house. I have planted roses for the neighborhood to enjoy. Curb appeal has always been a gentle “hello” to the world.

The first dog-walker walked into my front yard, about 20 feet onto private property, and allowed her dog to poop, with no pretense of collecting the waste. After the first pair returned to the sidewalk, the group walked about 15 feet farther (still in front of my house) before, incredibly, the second woman and her dog came into my yard. Again, the dog pooped on my property, and again, there was no pretense of collecting the waste.

What should I have done? In retrospect, I wish I had opened my front door and reminded them that they were trespassing on private property and that my front yard was NOT a dog park.

What can I do in the future? Put up a fence? I would rather not. Were they “entitled”? Do we now live in a world that is this lacking in civility? I feel like ripping out the roses and planting poison ivy -- and that makes no sense at all. Is there a way to make this bad dog behavior stop?

GENTLE READER: Probably not, but their owners might be trainable. Miss Manners finds that simply poking your head out and asking if they need a plastic bag -- or directions to the nearest dog park -- can be enough of a deterrent for most decent humans. But if you are not there to witness the transgression, a smartly placed “Private Property” sign is also effective.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My therapist and I have opposite views on who introduces who to the neighborhood when one moves to a new place.

My therapist sides with my friend, who is more introverted, and states that if the neighbors want to get to know him, then they should be the ones introducing themselves to him. That’s exactly how he got to know his current neighbor; otherwise he would not have made the first move.

I say the newbie should introduce himself to the neighbors when he moves in, and that’s what I did when I moved into my neighborhood. After all, a new neighbor is the one invading or disrupting the established neighborhood.

GENTLE READER: In a rare moment of equanimity, Miss Manners is pleased to tell you that neither method is wrong.

If a reasonable amount of time has passed and no neighbor has made a move to meet the newcomer, either may do so -- if it is done freely and without resentment. Additionally, she is pleased to hear that you are engaging your therapist in problems of such benign and civil discourse. Unless, of course, it is the two of you who are the neighbors.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)