DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the etiquette surrounding invitations for far-flung friends for bridal showers, etc., when it is probable they won’t be able to make it?

I know people want to make sure they include loved ones in their special events, but when does it cross a line into gift-grab territory? Realistically, a lot of people can’t travel cross-country for these events, but I also wouldn’t want to exclude people simply because of assumed travel burdens.

I was on the receiving end of a baby shower invitation for a high school friend’s wife. This friend has made zero effort to keep in contact with our friend group over the years (with the exception of attending the occasional wedding), let alone having us get to know his wife. I live across the country, and I’m sure there was zero expectation that I would travel for the shower. I interpreted this as a blatant gift-grab, and I politely declined to attend and sent a nice card instead.

I’m about to enter that stage of my life, and would love guidance on avoiding the appearance of 1. excluding folks based on their location, or 2. sending blatant gift-grab invitations. What really means the most to me is making sure loved ones know they’re special to me.

GENTLE READER: Showers, by their very nature, are a request for (nominal) presents -- but only from those attending. However, the ridiculous registries and size of these requests has upstaged any pretense of wanting to see the people who are being asked to hand them over.

Miss Manners has a simple solution: Extend invitations to those whom you would genuinely want to have there, no matter what their location. Then make an effort to stay in touch with those people so that your own motives are not similarly suspected.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Once or twice a year, my widowed mom, my husband, my sister, a kid or two, and I take a trip together. My sister complained to a friend that she is treated like a second-class citizen on these trips -- not given as nice a room or seat on the plane or van as others.

There is truth to this. Even though all the rooms cost the same, maybe one has a nicer view, and our mom gets that room. Or we rent a van, and the third row of seats is not as convenient for my mom, so the kids or my sister sit there.

What my sister didn’t say is that because she is broke, the rest of us pick up all the expenses and she never pays for anything. Ever. Not even ice cream.

I thought we were doing her a favor by taking her. Frankly, I’m not willing to both pay her way and defer to her, but my mom wouldn’t like it if we stopped inviting her.

GENTLE READER: Defer to age, not money. “We all want Mother to be comfortable. If there is any special luxury we can afford her on these trips, we want to make sure that she has it, even if it means making personal sacrifices to do so.”

And while Miss Manners did not use the word “afford” by accident, she asks you not to linger on it unduly.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a modest home. One pleasant Sunday morning as I was looking out the window, two young women with small dogs were walking on the public sidewalk in front of my house. I have planted roses for the neighborhood to enjoy. Curb appeal has always been a gentle “hello” to the world.

The first dog-walker walked into my front yard, about 20 feet onto private property, and allowed her dog to poop, with no pretense of collecting the waste. After the first pair returned to the sidewalk, the group walked about 15 feet farther (still in front of my house) before, incredibly, the second woman and her dog came into my yard. Again, the dog pooped on my property, and again, there was no pretense of collecting the waste.

What should I have done? In retrospect, I wish I had opened my front door and reminded them that they were trespassing on private property and that my front yard was NOT a dog park.

What can I do in the future? Put up a fence? I would rather not. Were they “entitled”? Do we now live in a world that is this lacking in civility? I feel like ripping out the roses and planting poison ivy -- and that makes no sense at all. Is there a way to make this bad dog behavior stop?

GENTLE READER: Probably not, but their owners might be trainable. Miss Manners finds that simply poking your head out and asking if they need a plastic bag -- or directions to the nearest dog park -- can be enough of a deterrent for most decent humans. But if you are not there to witness the transgression, a smartly placed “Private Property” sign is also effective.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My therapist and I have opposite views on who introduces who to the neighborhood when one moves to a new place.

My therapist sides with my friend, who is more introverted, and states that if the neighbors want to get to know him, then they should be the ones introducing themselves to him. That’s exactly how he got to know his current neighbor; otherwise he would not have made the first move.

I say the newbie should introduce himself to the neighbors when he moves in, and that’s what I did when I moved into my neighborhood. After all, a new neighbor is the one invading or disrupting the established neighborhood.

GENTLE READER: In a rare moment of equanimity, Miss Manners is pleased to tell you that neither method is wrong.

If a reasonable amount of time has passed and no neighbor has made a move to meet the newcomer, either may do so -- if it is done freely and without resentment. Additionally, she is pleased to hear that you are engaging your therapist in problems of such benign and civil discourse. Unless, of course, it is the two of you who are the neighbors.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I have a successful marriage and two grown children. We love each other very much.

My problem is her obsession with social media and all of the goings-on with her friends. She constantly asks me to look at pictures, videos, events and the minutiae from her online friends.

In the beginning, I used to take time to look, but now I can’t stand looking at another baby video, or another post from a friend attending a polo match. This stuff is so uninteresting to me. These people are not really her friends. They may have been childhood friends 50 years ago, or worked together 30 years ago. I have no clue who they are.

I have tried to tell her nicely multiple times that these things do not interest me, but she gets peeved and generally testy when I decline.

Then there are times when I will relate a story about my day, and she will claim “not to be interested” because I cannot show interest in her “world.”

Social media is ruining our society. In general, we have become a world of “Look at me, I’m here,” and “Look at me, I’m doing such and such.” How do I handle this?

GENTLE READER: Having attended quite a few children’s birthday parties in her time, Miss Manners is used to ignoring the hand with which the magician is gesticulating wildly and instead concentrating on the other hand.

She does not mean to suggest that you intend a sleight of hand, but one is nevertheless in progress. Revealing the trick requires only that we remove all 21st-, and perhaps also 20th-, century technology from your question.

Your wife is excited by, and wishes to share, news of a friend or acquaintance of hers you do not know. Is this interesting? Possibly not. Are you required to show interest? Of course. Is it also reasonable to expect some limitations on how much time and energy you will have to devote to feigning an interest you do not feel? Yes.

All of these things were true before the internet and will be true when our children’s grandchildren dismiss social media as hopelessly old-fashioned. Discovering that you object to social media on principle does not remove your duty to show interest in your wife’s interests. But a discussion about how many baby videos constitute sufficient interest is in order.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to tell a friend that his or her son needs a haircut?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette can accomplish many wonders, but not one that goes against its nature: Commenting on someone else’s grooming is inherently rude, and commanding others to do something about it, more so.

Although it would not, strictly speaking, be rude to tell your friend how nice her son’s hair looks when it is short, Miss Manners warns you not to expect an appreciative reception if you try.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)