DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a single mother and am experienced in different types of home repair. Yet at large family gatherings, at least one male relative always boldly announces to the gathering that he is going to help me in some way.

They don’t tell me this privately; this is a sweeping declaration. The gathering then comments on their kindness and what good people they are. I have never asked, or even hinted, that I would like this help.

Miss Manners, these declarations are annoying for two reasons. First, they are rarely acted upon. Even a gentle follow-up asking when I could take them up on the offer is put off to “sometime.” The second is that the few times they do come out, it ends up being a disaster for me. Each time, they have left the situation worse.

The understanding is that I will pay for any parts needed. That is reasonable, except that they buy incorrect or unnecessary parts. They eat all my food, ask for constant affirmation, and leave a huge mess.

Each time, I have had to hire someone else to redo their work. In most of these situations, I could have fixed the problem myself quicker, cheaper and better.

These grand statements are made for their own gratification. How do I respond without coming across as an ungrateful bore? I do not like to call people out in front of others. In past years, I have just swallowed my words and sat silently. I have simply absorbed the expense in the name of family peace, or rested in knowing they would never come. Is there a gracious response I can employ?

GENTLE READER: ”Thank you, but actually, I’m pretty good at most household repairs. I’ll call you if I need help, but in the meantime, please call me if YOU do.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When congratulating someone for winning an award or getting a position, what is the time frame for doing so without it being an afterthought? When has too much time passed?

GENTLE READER: Nowadays, when awards are being revoked for bad behavior, Miss Manners considers it wise to act quickly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I recently dined at our favorite restaurant, which has undergone an update of the decor, including new plates that are slightly scooped. Said plates are lovely and add a modern flair.

However, if one needs to rest a knife or fork on the edge of the plate, it is impossible. The utensil either slides onto the table or into the food.

What does one do when you must put down a utensil or two to pass the rolls?

GENTLE READER: Get the tablecloth dirty.

Miss Manners is not saying this is your best practice, but she also does not see another option. When the server comes around to collect your plate, you may say, “I am so sorry for the stains, but our plates, while beautiful, seem to have trouble holding our utensils.” With copious amounts of dirty laundry, the restaurant may find that they are due for yet another update in decor.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I, a straight, single female, was invited to a gay female couple’s house for dinner. When I arrived, they asked me if I was ready to eat, and said we would be going through the garage.

I was perplexed, but it was a pleasant evening, and I thought we might be taking a detour to the backyard to dine al fresco. Then they got in their car, saying we were going out to eat.

At their favorite Italian restaurant, they requested a separate check. I’m on a tight budget, and everything on the menu was $15 and up. Fortunately I happened to have the money to cover my meal. If not, I would have been left in the embarrassing position of either not eating or having to beg their charity to cover my check.

I was not aware I needed to come financially prepared when they invited me in the first place. I am left wondering if I should have assumed they would pay for my meal and if I should have said something, or just be glad it happened to work out.

GENTLE READER: Allow Miss Manners to clarify some terminology that seems to be confusing the hosting world at large:

When one is invited to someone’s house for dinner, it means that guests will be provided food procured by the hosts -- unless otherwise specified and agreed upon in advance. Potluck is an example of the latter; an itemized grocery bill is not.

“I would like to take you to dinner” or “my treat” means the invitation-issuer is offering to pay. “Let’s meet at a restaurant” means that the bill will be shared. Rarely, Miss Manners feels compelled to point out, and certainly not in this instance, does the host’s sexuality or relationship status have anything to do with anything. At least in terms of who is paying.

Your would-be hosts were confusing at best. If you otherwise enjoyed their company, however, you might clarify the next time: “Will we be going out or should I plan to have the pleasure of dining at your house?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was diagnosed with breast cancer four years ago. Fortunately, it was caught early, and although I had to go through “the works,” my treatments were successful, my health is now fine and my long-term prognosis is excellent.

How do I respond to a couple of people whom I see periodically -- every few months or so, at business or volunteer gatherings -- who routinely greet me by saying, with apparently deep concern, “And how is your health? Are you doing OK?”

I know they mean well, but I am getting annoyed at being continually identified as “the person who had breast cancer.”

Of course I don’t want to be rude, but these constant reminders are getting tiresome. I have moved on with my life, so why can’t they?

GENTLE READER: “I am relieved to say that I am in complete remission and now have other things to talk about besides my health. How is yours?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude not to get up and unlock/open the door for someone who lives in the house and is returning home?

GENTLE READER: It is not impolite to assume that those living in the house can, and will, admit themselves. It is impolite to ignore evidence that they cannot get in, or cannot do so easily or without mishap. Examples include torrential downpours, arms full of groceries or a knock on the door.

As a matter of familial harmony, Miss Manners also cautions against remaining on the couch, visible through the window, while your spouse struggles to find the keys.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law arranged a memorial service for her father, followed by a less formal “celebration of life.”

I thought I’d allowed plenty of time for the drive, but things went wrong and a trip that should have taken an hour and a half ended up taking a brutal four hours. I was so late that I considered turning back, but decided to power through it and make the best of it. Through sheer luck I was able to find the venue, arriving as guests had begun to leave the event.

I was glad I persevered; my sister-in-law seemed genuinely happy to see me, and the extended family stuck around for another couple of hours of reminiscing. I had no idea there was a problem until a few days later, when my sister-in-law called me in a rage. She was furious that I arrived late and she went on to say terrible things about me and even made cruel remarks about my own departed father.

Obviously I should have left earlier, allowing for the inevitable disasters that can occur on a long drive. When a person, despite their best efforts, finds themselves late for an important occasion such as a wedding or funeral, what is the best way to proceed?

GENTLE READER: When outside factors intervene -- traffic is snarled, planes are delayed, weather happens -- lateness can be the result. It is natural to feel that the blame should be borne by the elements or entities that caused the delay.

Natural, but, Miss Manners points out, incorrect. Your host’s social contract is with you -- not other drivers, an airline, or the climate. The best way -- in fact, the only polite way -- to proceed is to accept responsibility and apologize.

How emphatic an apology is required will depend on the seriousness of the occasion, the extent of the tardiness, and the resultant impact on the event. Being late for the cocktails before dinner will require less groveling than leaving your bride waiting at the altar. Criminal courts differentiate between evidence given for the purpose of determining guilt and that given in mitigation at sentencing.

The cause of your lateness falls into the latter category: It is properly given after the apology, on the understanding that the hostess has less reason to be upset by a flat tire than by someone who never leaves sufficient time. But none of this excuses the subsequent rudeness by the hostess.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)