DEAR MISS MANNERS: I, a straight, single female, was invited to a gay female couple’s house for dinner. When I arrived, they asked me if I was ready to eat, and said we would be going through the garage.

I was perplexed, but it was a pleasant evening, and I thought we might be taking a detour to the backyard to dine al fresco. Then they got in their car, saying we were going out to eat.

At their favorite Italian restaurant, they requested a separate check. I’m on a tight budget, and everything on the menu was $15 and up. Fortunately I happened to have the money to cover my meal. If not, I would have been left in the embarrassing position of either not eating or having to beg their charity to cover my check.

I was not aware I needed to come financially prepared when they invited me in the first place. I am left wondering if I should have assumed they would pay for my meal and if I should have said something, or just be glad it happened to work out.

GENTLE READER: Allow Miss Manners to clarify some terminology that seems to be confusing the hosting world at large:

When one is invited to someone’s house for dinner, it means that guests will be provided food procured by the hosts -- unless otherwise specified and agreed upon in advance. Potluck is an example of the latter; an itemized grocery bill is not.

“I would like to take you to dinner” or “my treat” means the invitation-issuer is offering to pay. “Let’s meet at a restaurant” means that the bill will be shared. Rarely, Miss Manners feels compelled to point out, and certainly not in this instance, does the host’s sexuality or relationship status have anything to do with anything. At least in terms of who is paying.

Your would-be hosts were confusing at best. If you otherwise enjoyed their company, however, you might clarify the next time: “Will we be going out or should I plan to have the pleasure of dining at your house?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was diagnosed with breast cancer four years ago. Fortunately, it was caught early, and although I had to go through “the works,” my treatments were successful, my health is now fine and my long-term prognosis is excellent.

How do I respond to a couple of people whom I see periodically -- every few months or so, at business or volunteer gatherings -- who routinely greet me by saying, with apparently deep concern, “And how is your health? Are you doing OK?”

I know they mean well, but I am getting annoyed at being continually identified as “the person who had breast cancer.”

Of course I don’t want to be rude, but these constant reminders are getting tiresome. I have moved on with my life, so why can’t they?

GENTLE READER: “I am relieved to say that I am in complete remission and now have other things to talk about besides my health. How is yours?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude not to get up and unlock/open the door for someone who lives in the house and is returning home?

GENTLE READER: It is not impolite to assume that those living in the house can, and will, admit themselves. It is impolite to ignore evidence that they cannot get in, or cannot do so easily or without mishap. Examples include torrential downpours, arms full of groceries or a knock on the door.

As a matter of familial harmony, Miss Manners also cautions against remaining on the couch, visible through the window, while your spouse struggles to find the keys.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law arranged a memorial service for her father, followed by a less formal “celebration of life.”

I thought I’d allowed plenty of time for the drive, but things went wrong and a trip that should have taken an hour and a half ended up taking a brutal four hours. I was so late that I considered turning back, but decided to power through it and make the best of it. Through sheer luck I was able to find the venue, arriving as guests had begun to leave the event.

I was glad I persevered; my sister-in-law seemed genuinely happy to see me, and the extended family stuck around for another couple of hours of reminiscing. I had no idea there was a problem until a few days later, when my sister-in-law called me in a rage. She was furious that I arrived late and she went on to say terrible things about me and even made cruel remarks about my own departed father.

Obviously I should have left earlier, allowing for the inevitable disasters that can occur on a long drive. When a person, despite their best efforts, finds themselves late for an important occasion such as a wedding or funeral, what is the best way to proceed?

GENTLE READER: When outside factors intervene -- traffic is snarled, planes are delayed, weather happens -- lateness can be the result. It is natural to feel that the blame should be borne by the elements or entities that caused the delay.

Natural, but, Miss Manners points out, incorrect. Your host’s social contract is with you -- not other drivers, an airline, or the climate. The best way -- in fact, the only polite way -- to proceed is to accept responsibility and apologize.

How emphatic an apology is required will depend on the seriousness of the occasion, the extent of the tardiness, and the resultant impact on the event. Being late for the cocktails before dinner will require less groveling than leaving your bride waiting at the altar. Criminal courts differentiate between evidence given for the purpose of determining guilt and that given in mitigation at sentencing.

The cause of your lateness falls into the latter category: It is properly given after the apology, on the understanding that the hostess has less reason to be upset by a flat tire than by someone who never leaves sufficient time. But none of this excuses the subsequent rudeness by the hostess.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m wondering what is the business etiquette around requiring employees to attend out-of-office events.

My husband is expected to attend a monthly happy hour with the people in his department -- all of whom, including the boss, happen to be female. Spouses are never included (and also weren’t included in an after-hours holiday celebration). I wonder if the boss thinks this is appropriate simply because she holds it during the later afternoon, and because people are generally allowed to leave between 6 and 7 p.m.

In any case, what was once perhaps a “girls’ night out” is no longer such a thing, now that there’s a male in the department. I’ve never met the boss (obviously, I’ve never been invited to), but I can’t imagine this is proper business etiquette. Am I wrong? If not, how can this possibly be addressed?

GENTLE READER: The issue is not that the event takes place outside of the office, but rather the confusion -- on the parts of your husband, his boss and yourself -- about whether the event is social or professional.

Professional events generally occur during work hours. Social events do not require permission to leave. Professional events are usually gender-neutral. Social events tend not to be.

You are correct that your husband’s boss is not following proper business etiquette. But this confusion is nowadays so common -- about professional-versus-social, though perhaps also about gender -- that she may not even realize she is abusing her authority. Rather than confront her with being rude, a safer solution would be for your husband to attend the portion of the event that runs until the close of business, and then excuse himself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been a Catholic priest for nearly 25 years. In years past, when performing a wedding, I would nearly always receive an invitation to the ceremony and reception. For the past few years, this no longer seems to be the custom. Obviously I know when the wedding will be celebrated, but I have no idea where the reception will be held.

I do not presume or expect an invitation to the reception, but at nearly every rehearsal, or immediately before or after the service, a parent will ask me if I am coming to the reception. I don’t know how to respond.

If I say I wasn’t invited, I will of course make them feel bad, which I won’t do on such a special day. But I also don’t want to lie. Would you please suggest a response?

GENTLE READER: The etiquette for such situations calls for ... misdirection: “I am so sorry not to be able to attend, but there are so many calls for my services this time of year.”

Miss Manners trusts that such a response is literally true, and looks to you to determine that there is therefore no sin in so responding. She herself takes comfort in realizing that such an answer is the lesser of possible evils.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)