DEAR MISS MANNERS: My ex-husband and I have been divorced for almost four years. His new wife has now announced their fifth “dating anniversary” via social media.

With simple math, it was obvious to me that they actually did have an affair during our marriage, even though he denied it for years.

He and I are not “friends,” but my youngest child commented on the status, so I saw it in my news feed. Our daughter didn’t realize the timeline conflict, and I did not point it out to her.

I am angry. I am hurt. I thought I was over all the pain.

Is there an appropriate response? Should I confront him? I’m loath to bring up the past, but he really was a jerk. And he’s lied about it for years, too.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette advises you not to respond. So does Miss Manners, who adds her approbation for not explaining the math to your daughter. Your daughter will be doing her own homework on the subject soon enough.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am connected on social media with several out-of-state relatives. During the last election, my uncle posted an article and his opinion about a controversial topic. I wrongfully assumed he brought up the subject with the intent of public discussion.

When I offered a very polite but opposing viewpoint (that much of our family shares), he became so offended that he deactivated his account for several days. He finally returned to social media, saying that he wanted to remain in touch with family and friends.

Wanting to avoid further trouble, I refrained from commenting on any new posts that did not concern a family milestone or event. For several months, we were on civil terms.

He has since, without warning or explanation, completely blocked me. I can’t even find him on the site, but I know from other relatives’ activity that he still has a profile he regularly uses to interact with them.

I’d like to resolve the situation and at least have some communication with him again -- we’re family, after all -- but I’m also afraid of making things worse. Would it be a good idea to contact my aunt or cousins and ask what I’ve done to offend him so, or should I just let things be?

GENTLE READER: Many people these days are making loud, controversial statements with the avowed purpose of provoking a response -- and are then unhappy when they receive one.

Miss Manners cannot explain (or defend) such behavior, but she sees it all around. If you wish to repair the relationship, you must first suspend close inquiry into the rights and wrongs. Write a charming, handwritten apology, hoping that you can avoid political discussions and concentrate on family. This approach is more likely to achieve your goal than attempting to convince your uncle he was wrong, either to be offended or in his political views.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper response for, “Does this dress make me look fat?”

I was confronted with this a while back, and believe me -- the wearer’s looking fat had nothing to do with the poor dress.

Had I said “yes,” she would have had a fit. Had I said “no,” I would have been lying. I said, “What a lot of pretty colors in that dress,” which I’m sure masked nothing. What should I have said?

GENTLE READER: “No.” Common kindness and courtesy aside, Miss Manners notes that you admit this would not be a lie. To wit: “The wearer’s looking fat had nothing to do with the poor dress.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am going on vacation with my boyfriend’s family, and I am not sure how to approach paying for my share. My boyfriend assures me that I am not expected to pay for anything, but I am uneasy about it.

It’s one thing to let his family pick up the cost of our lodgings, since I am an invited guest, but I would feel uncomfortable with their paying for other things, such as movie tickets or restaurant meals. How do I decline any offers they might make for these smaller expenses without being rude, especially if they insist?

While I make little money, I am in my late 20s and can’t help feeling infantilized when others refuse to let me pay my way -- and dismiss my protests -- especially for the small stuff. I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I’m not! However, it’s important to me to be recognized as an adult, and for me, part of being an adult is being taken seriously when I say, “I’ll pay for myself, but it was kind of you to offer.”

I’m afraid they might find this off-putting, but I know I will be annoyed and hurt if my wishes are ignored, even if they mean well. And I would be extra horrified if I did not pay for something when they thought I should; they are already being plenty generous.

I am not particularly well-acquainted with his family, so I’m not sure how they will react. I want to make a good impression, while still being true to what I think is right. Am I being overzealous and insecure, or does my plan of action sound reasonable?

GENTLE READER: Your concern sounds reasonable, but your plan needs some work.

A large part of being an adult is considering the feelings of others, even if that sometimes means putting aside your own.

Squabbling over every movie ticket is not likely to leave the impression you want. When a payment comes due, offer to contribute, but accept a refusal graciously. You may even lessen the obligation by asking if you may host specific events -- taking the family out for dinner towards the end of the visit, for example. And Miss Manners assumes that you will pen an extremely charming letter, perhaps accompanied by flowers, immediately upon returning home.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a healthy, strong, 62-year-old woman. I fly frequently on business. Because of the frequency, I get upgraded to first class about half the time. Most other people in first class are men; it’s usually upwards of 80 percent.

There is an expectation when deplaning that people exit by row. This nearly always happens gracefully and amicably when I’m in coach. But in first class, when it is time to exit, I have experienced over and over again that I have to be somewhat pushy to enter the aisle when it’s my turn, as it were. If I’m not very quick and pushy, I get pushed past by men in rows behind me. Frequently! If I’m on the aisle, I engage in the apparently expected pushiness so that I don’t hold back the person next to me in the window seat.

Is there a way to handle this, other than just quietly enduring it? I admit that I wonder if I’m the one being rude, by perhaps being too meek.

GENTLE READER: Really? First-class men are pushier than economic ones? Is that how they got to where they can afford ridiculous airfares?

Rather than offering a sociological report, Miss Manners suggests that you learn to say “excuse me” in the polite but commanding way of a strong, healthy (or any other) passenger.

You could also plop your carry-on bag in the aisle the second you hear that ping of permission.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you deal with people who come up and start gushing away, while you are standing there thinking, “Who in the world are you?”

I am a veteran teacher, and most of the time, it is a student or maybe a parent from 20 or 30 years ago. Sorry, but I don’t remember them all, and even if I do remember the kid, the overweight adult who is talking bears little resemblance.

GENTLE READER: But you loom large in their eyes, and it would be sad to disillusion them.

Miss Manners’ own dear mother was a teacher who addressed this problem in a bizarre way. Observing, over decades of teaching, that given names run in fashions, she would assess the age of the former student and apply that era’s most common name.

Thus, once faced with the parent of a student from what she remembered as the “Stephen and Michael” period, she asked charmingly (she thought), “And how is Stephen now?”

“You mean Michael,” the parent replied coldly.

Miss Manners does not therefore recommend this approach. Another of her mother’s attempts would be to say, “Didn’t you go by a nickname?” in the hope of receiving a reply such as, “No, I’ve always been Zachery. Not many people called me Zach.”

Of course, they could say, “Well, as you see, no one can call me Fatty any longer.” To which you would reply, “Do people address you formally now?” getting a response of, “No, they just call me Kevin.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)