DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 31-year-old man who works in a midsized office comprised mostly of women. I am the only unmarried and childless man in the office. I am also gay, but not obviously so, and I am generally not lumped in as “one of the girls.”

These are facts that I have used so far in my career to avoid many of the aspects of office culture that do not interest me. However, some obligations are harder to avoid than others.

There will be a baby shower for a co-worker who is a member of my team. Although our team is small, the entire office will be participating in the shower, which will be held in the office during the lunch hour.

Under most circumstances, I would quietly have some food and try to enjoy myself. But unfortunately, the catering will be Thai, and I am severely allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, cilantro and seafood.

I like my co-worker, but I am not a fan of showers of any type, and Thai food is an absolute no for me. I refuse to be the person who demands that others change pre-existing meal plans to accommodate my life-threatening allergies, and I am especially not inclined to do so in this case.

Should I bring my own food to the shower? Or might I feign male ignorance, contribute to the office gift and eat out alone, as per usual?

GENTLE READER: “Forced socialization” at the office is always a bad idea.

However, rather than blame your entire gender, why not feign work obligations instead? If said graciously (“I wish I could attend, but I am afraid that I have gotten behind on the Gramberry account”), it makes a much more valid point about not spending office time engaged in seemingly mandatory social activity. Just make sure that the mother-to-be is not also working on the Gramberry account.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am hosting an informal cocktails and hors d’oeuvres affair for 25 people. I have sufficient glassware for cocktails; however, even if I mixed all of my small plates together, there would not be enough to go around, and the same applies to flatware.

I had thought to use high-quality plastic plates (the ones that look like cut glass) and matching flatware. This would enable my guests to enjoy their food with fresh plates as needed.

However, one person in this group has, in the past, has been critical of a previous hostess for doing the same, saying that using plastic serving ware is tacky. So, should I buy more dishes, pare down my guest list, or stick to my original plan?

GENTLE READER: Mismatched serving ware is perfectly acceptable, and can even be charming. Disinviting guests is not. (Nor, for that matter, is criticizing hosts.)

If you are unable to procure additional plates, then rent some -- or ask close, invited friends if they would not mind lending theirs. Miss Manners assures you that guests will be much more forgiving of contrasting plates than of ones that fall apart in their hands.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Friends of ours invited us to a pancake breakfast at their high school, a fundraiser for the boys’ basketball team. Even though we live in a different school district, we wanted to go because we support our friends, and we really like pancakes.

As we were getting ready to go, my husband emerged wearing our own school colors. His shirt, jacket and ball cap were emblazoned with our school mascot; there was no question where our loyalty lay.

I told him that unless we were going to a sports competition, it was in poor taste to dress like that at another school’s event. He said that at the next pancake breakfast, he will dress however Miss Manners suggests.

GENTLE READER: Why was your husband trying to ruin everyone’s pancakes? Particularly when he is kind enough to say he will follow Miss Manners’ instructions.

You were guests in this school’s house -- and Miss Manners agrees that dressing to show hometown loyalty is somewhat aggressive and impolite. It is also, you might point out, often the reason that tourists get such bad reputations.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a sweet, loving, well-mannered dog. When I am walking her on her leash, strangers look aghast at her, and me, and tell me my dog should be muzzled or on a chain, not a leash. They ask why I am “bringing a dangerous dog out in public,” etc. In case you can’t guess, she is a pit bull.

What would be a polite response?

GENTLE READER: “I can assure you that my dog is not dangerous, and I would never allow her to hurt anyone. Nor,” you may say pointedly, “to approach and insult a stranger unsolicited.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am sick and tired of receiving no response to my text messages! I have recently learned this is called “ghosting,” which leaves one in limbo, never knowing why the other party does not respond.

Perhaps nowadays, people feel entitled to a sense of digital anonymity. They don’t bother to respond because they feel they don’t have to. But I feel we should give others a response to messages we receive via email or text, even if it is just to say “I no longer wish to participate in this discussion.”

Could you please give me a link that I can send to these ill-mannered people that politely tells them what I think of their inconsideration?

GENTLE READER: What makes you think that people who will not even respond to a text a few words long will click on, and read, a whole link?

Texting can produce a false sense of urgency and intimacy. While it is rude to not answer at all, expecting others to do so immediately, or on your time frame, is equally unreasonable.

Miss Manners recommends that if the matter in question in these texts requires a response, you find an alternate means of communication. If that produces similar results -- within a reasonable timeframe -- unfortunately, you may consider that these people are no longer your friends.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it good manners to pop up music that cannot be located or turned down or off and only goes away if you leave the webpage?

GENTLE READER: Manners is something practiced by people, not websites, but Miss Manners understands your point. She, too, wishes that site designers would be more considerate. But she is also grateful that when they are not, others step in to solve the problem: Most computers can now be quickly and easily muted, something designers would do well to note.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My nieces (ages 43 and 39), with whom I have always been close, are no longer speaking to me. The issue is a text I sent to them informing them of the death of my ex-husband, their uncle. I’ve been divorced 20 years and remarried for 18 years.

At the request of my only child, Sean, I sent my nieces a text. It read: “Dear Beautiful Nieces, just wanted to let you know Sean’s dad passed away on Monday morning. Sean has respectfully asked that no one post anything on social media. Thank you for your prayers for his family. Love, Aunt Anita.”

I was unaware my nieces were even upset. We have all always been close, sharing birthdays, holidays, attending school graduations and being supportive of each other. After several calls and texts trying to set up a lunch date with one niece, I asked my sister, their mother, if she knew why I hadn’t gotten a response.

She reluctantly admitted that both nieces were “extremely insulted” by the text I had sent requesting they not post anything on social media. I merely passed along the request of my son, their cousin. Was this insulting? Any suggestions on how to resolve this problem, since they aren’t communicating with me?

GENTLE READER: After walking off a cliff, it often turns out that there were questionable steps before the final one, and this was the case here.

Your son was upset by the death of his father and busy making funeral arrangements. His asking you to convey the information to his cousins was understandable, but it put you on unsteady ground because of the divorce: It would be natural to assume that the death of your ex-husband was harder on your son and your nieces than on yourself.

Your son’s request not to post the news on social media also contained an unintended trap: It could, as it was, be interpreted by recipients as a criticism of their manners.

Finally, you conveyed serious news -- worthy of a formal communication -- through the decidedly casual medium of texting. Miss Manners ventures to guess that your nieces were offended not so much by the ban on social media as by the overall impression given that the news was not deserving of a telephone call or letter.

The solution is a handwritten note of condolence on their loss. Include an apology that you meant no disrespect to anyone, and an explanation that the reason for the social media ban was your son’s desire to inform acquaintances himself in a more personal way. You can be vague about precisely what disrespect you are apologizing for, so long as you avoid blaming your son for any part of the mishap.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)