DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother-in-law and his family have far-right political leanings that are not in line with many of our friends and my family, including my husband. On all occasions, even at a recent memorial, my brother-in-law dresses in jeans, camouflage gear and an NRA “gun rights” baseball cap.

I am hostessing a wedding for my son and future daughter-in-law at our home. How do I tell this person that this attire is not welcome at the wedding?

It does not appear my sister-in-law understands how to guide him in this area, and naturally he does not read the wedding invitation instructions, nor care to. Any guidance is appreciated to navigate this issue without creating family drama!

GENTLE READER: Clearly, that is not a concern for your in-laws, who seem to be actively courting it.

“I do hope, for the sake of our happy couple, that we can put aside any political statements” is what you need to say. If they disregard you and come dressed for combat anyway, Miss Manners recommends that you ignore them and greet them as you would any other (properly attired) guest. This will likely annoy them much more than the chance to argue their politics.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A longtime friend and I had a falling out, with responsibility equally split between us. I moved away for 15 years with no communication.

Now I have moved back, and I ran into this friend face to face. We chatted pleasantly and she asked for my phone number. I was hesitant to give it to her, but to avoid being rude, I did. Four years later, I received, via the U.S. mail, a computer-printed invitation to dinner at her home.

My husband and I have no interest in rekindling a friendship, so I declined via handwritten note. In my note, I provided no reason for the decline, only thanking her for the invitation, regretting we could not attend, and wishing her the best. My husband said I should have provided a reason for the decline. There was no reason other than not wishing to see her again. Should I have made up a reason?

GENTLE READER: Sigh. Miss Manners has made it so easy to avoid any unpleasant social situations, if only helpful people like your husband would not try to assist. If we all could just stick to the phrase: “I am so sorry, but I am afraid I cannot attend” and not follow it up with excuses of real or invented sickness, dislike of the hosts, dislike of the guests, better use of funds, not feeling like it, a better invitation, itchy feet, a bad hair day or preferring to watch TV, Miss Manners would happily allow you to indulge in all of those things without remorse.

Please tell your husband that your answer was sufficient -- and perfectly true. A made-up excuse would not be. And following it up with an “honest” explanation would not only unnecessarily hurt your already-former friend’s feelings, but likely rekindle communication. Neither of which you -- or your husband -- claims to want.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance and I are getting married at the end of this year, and I’ve asked three of my dearest friends to be bridesmaids. Sadly, one of my bridesmaids, Rhonda, and her longtime boyfriend broke up shortly after we got engaged.

Rhonda was completely blindsided and devastated. She thought her boyfriend was getting ready to propose. We would talk on the phone for hours, or she would ask me to come over almost every day, and I would try to be there for her.

After about three months of this, she seemed to be getting past it. Rhonda asked if she could come with my mom and me to look for my wedding dress, and of course I was happy to have her there.

But about 20 minutes into the appointment, she completely broke down into tears and ran out of the store. I went after her (I had to change out of the dress I was in) trying to comfort her, and then I asked if it was too hard for her to be involved in the wedding planning. I didn’t want her to feel obligated to me if it was upsetting her so much. She took that as an insult and accused me of trying to kick her out of the bridal party.

Since then, the same thing has happened at my bridal shower (that Rhonda insisted on throwing) and my bachelorette party. Each time, I’ve ended up spending half the night consoling her.

I feel awful that she’s in so much pain, but I’m also a bit concerned that the same thing will happen on the day of our wedding. I’m so excited to marry my fiance and I want to be present and happy on that day. However, I suspect that Rhonda will be sobbing through the entire wedding, and not out of joy. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Rhonda’s situation is unfortunate, but Miss Manners objects -- as do you -- to her misuse of both etiquette and friendship. Friendship involves a reciprocity of sympathy and support. You have shown enormous support for her. She was invited to participate in your wedding not because of any requirement of etiquette, but because you wanted and expected her to share in your happiness.

If this is not possible, then the polite thing for her to do is to withdraw regretfully. She is misusing etiquette by misbehaving -- and counting on the fact that you will not rudely withdraw an invitation. Her insistence on co-opting wedding-related events into her own recovery becomes, after a point, a misuse of your friendship.

You have Miss Manners’ blessing to forgo dealing with future outbursts so that you can focus your attention elsewhere. But there is another debt of friendship that you can ask one of those other dearest friends who is serving as a bridesmaid: Assign her to monitor Rhonda and keep her from becoming a burden, even, if necessary, gently turning aside with her during the ceremony.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a man asked if I would date him, I politely declined his request. I told him that we could still be friends. Since then, he has been acting as if we are in a serious relationship. He has been calling me “hon” and putting his arm around me. This makes me feel very uncomfortable. How do I tell him I am not interested and still be kind?

GENTLE READER: There is only one response that this man would consider kind, and he does not merit it. Miss Manners recommends instead a noticeable coldness, including saying “Please don’t touch me,” as being both more deserved and more effective.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother and sister-in-law are very kind to me, letting me stay at their house for visits, inviting me to their children’s birthdays and so on. But what on earth do I do when they have asked me to one of the children’s parties, and it turns out the mother-in-law is hosting?

They don’t tell her I am coming, and she is always surprised to see me. Half the time they don’t tell me it isn’t their party either, or my brother swears up and down he will tell her and then just mentions it casually after she’s walked in the door. (The parties are usually held at my brother’s house and are informal, with MIL bringing food and presents for the children.)

Once, she took them out to a restaurant, and they took me along as an uninvited guest. I was completely mortified that they not only didn’t tell her, but that they didn’t tell me they hadn’t. I tried to pay for my share, but she refused. I tried to write her a thank-you note, but my brother refused to give it to her or to give me her address, saying only, “I know she doesn’t mind! She just is startled to see you, that’s all.” (Sister-in-law supports him in this.)

Poor MIL tries to be nice about it, saying, “Oh! You’re here! It’s always a pleasure to see you, but Ethan didn’t mention you.” I always feel completely mortified and somewhat used, since Ethan usually only invites me to keep an eye on the kids. I just want to know if there is anything I can say to MIL, or to Ethan when this happens again.

GENTLE READER: It is time to fire Ethan -- not as your brother, necessarily, but certainly as your go-between with his mother-in-law.

As it sounds like you will be thrown together with her soon enough, Miss Manners recommends a private talk in which you express your gratitude for past favors, your embarrassment at being an unexpected encumbrance -- and your need for an address to which to post thank-you letters. If she is as gracious as you believe, the result may well be a new, warm family relationship, free from unintended slights. She is no doubt familiar with the ways of her daughter and son-in-law.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)