DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a niece who insists you have not addressed the issue of where to place cellphones in a formal table setting.

She has a strong opinion that when seated, one should remove the napkin to one’s lap and place the cellphone where the napkin was set.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, Miss Manners has addressed the issue of where to place cellphones at any table setting, formal or not. It is with the wraps.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a best-selling novel I read, a female character that we aren’t supposed to like is humiliated at dinner for not removing her hat. Readers are supposed to cheer.

This seems to me to be a mistaken use of etiquette as a weapon. Never mind about the unacceptability of humiliating a dinner guest -- what say you, regarding women hatted at table?

GENTLE READER: Not having had the pleasure (or not) of reading this novel, Miss Manners can only rule that humiliating someone far exceeds any error that could be made at dinner with a hat, with the possible exception of passing it for contributions.

The traditional rule is that ladies may wear hats during the daytime, including at lunch. This was evening, however, when such a thing as a cocktail hat -- a bit of whimsical fluff appearing to have landed on the head by accident -- was considered permissible.

But as this is apparently a current novel, these forms of headwear are not in common use. Baseball caps, being unisex, are always wrong indoors, with no gender exceptions allowed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Living in a remote vacation destination, I receive frequent requests from friends and acquaintances to stay in my home. I try to accommodate people with whom I have kept in touch.

Given the travel distance, most guests wish to stay one to two weeks. This is often much longer than the closeness of the relationship dictates, but I try to help make their stay more reasonably priced and enjoyable.

Some of my guests realize that long visits can be disruptive to the host’s life. They pitch in around the house, provide me time to keep my life going, and carry their weight financially.

Some behave as though I am running a tourism charity (expecting daily guided tours and nightly home-cooked meals). These same guests are also more likely to nickel and dime me on gas and food expenses, and are unlikely to help out with household chores.

Given the high cost of living here and the number of guests in my home, I cannot afford to provide my guests much beyond a clean house, and the occasional trip to the beach or sightseeing.

It feels awfully brusque to give potential guests a list of rules to agree to before booking their flight, or to tell them, “You’re on your own.” Is there a polite way to convey these limitations without alienating them?

GENTLE READER: Rather than abdicating responsibility and letting them alienate you?

Miss Manners understands that you only mean to be hospitable. But part of being a host is to set the terms of a visit. Not only does this mean mentioning the specific days, but saying, when necessary, “You should know that I have a lot of obligations then, so I hope you won’t mind being on your own a lot.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was seated in an aisle seat on an airplane, where the controls for each seat’s individual TV screens were at the very front of the armrest -- a place it is easy to avoid accidentally touching, as arms normally rest somewhere in the middle of the armrest.

It was a five-hour flight, and I was trying to watch a movie. The passenger in the middle seat, with whom I had exchanged pleasantries before we both went on to our individual activities, repeatedly turned my movie off or changed the channel by placing her arm over the controls.

Finally, I said “Excuse me, I am sure you don’t realize you are doing this, but you are accidentally turning off my movie here on the armrest.”

We both laughed, and she apologized, and then continued to do it for the rest of the flight. After this happened about 20 more times, the TV was now on the fritz, unfixable by the flight attendant. I read a book instead.

Once I started reading, friends of hers, including friends with children, started to come up to visit with her. She then began to reach right over my book, blocking my view with her arm, nearly elbowing me in the stomach or knocking over my soda, so she could point at the children, or pretend to pinch their noses while talking to them.

This time I said nothing, but every time it happened (perhaps 10 times during the remainder of the flight) I quietly steamed.

Is there a polite way I could have asked her to refrain from reaching over my seat? I was always polite and accommodating when she wanted to get up, and never gave her any cause to mistreat me that I can think of -- she simply seemed oblivious to the impact of her actions on others. She had had a couple of vodkas, but it did not seem as if that was the problem.

GENTLE READER: Well, they probably did not help.

Miss Manners commends your patience -- and is surprised that you did not need to hit the (tiny) bottle.

With the latest infraction, you could have said, “It seems that you all want to spend time together and I am clearly in the way. Why don’t we switch seats?” If the woman declined, you could have enlisted the help of the flight attendant. Fresh off of her television defeat, she might have been all too eager for a situation that she could easily fix.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I invited a casual acquaintance to my Bunco group, which I started. She is from New York and the rest of us are from the Midwest.

The other ladies feel that she doesn’t fit in, and would like me to uninvite her. How do I do this without completely hurting her feelings?

GENTLE READER: As your friend’s only crime seems to be where she is from, blaming her state may be your only recourse. Miss Manners dearly hopes that it is worth the civil war that may ensue.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to swish wine or water in your mouth in the company of others?

GENTLE READER: Only if you are at a wine-tasting -- or your own bathroom sink -- and there is a suitable depository at the ready.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My longtime companion and I have been making a couple of trips each year to visit his daughter and her controlling husband, who live 400 miles away. We always stay in a hotel, but are invited to their home for dinners.

After our last visit, I stated that I would never go to their home again. The daughter is a nice person, and she and I get along great. The problem is her husband. I’ve put up with his repulsive manners, but I no longer wish to subject myself to his belligerent rudeness.

On our most recent visit, while I was in the kitchen alone, the husband strolled in and paused as he came near me, then proceeded to let out the loudest belch I have ever heard in my entire life. It was definitely deliberate and apparent it was directed AT me.

I felt that he was daring me to say something, but I acted as if I hadn’t even noticed what he had done. But inside, I was fuming! To me, it was the same as saying “F.U.” Am I being unreasonable in refusing to visit them in the future?

GENTLE READER: With your most sincere and concerned voice, say to his wife, “My dear, I am afraid that there might be something medically wrong with your husband. He makes the most extraordinary sounds and I fear that his digestive system is failing him. You might want to get him checked.”

If your companion’s daughter does not choke on her own food with laughter, Miss Manners feels that she will take the hint and address at least that specific problem -- if not his rudeness altogether.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am looking for guidance as to the best way to deal with a deceased father of the bride in an upcoming wedding.

The bride’s father committed suicide 10 years ago, and the devastation to his children and family is still very apparent. The wedding is being paid for by the bride’s mother and her now-husband of seven years.

They did not put the deceased father’s name on the invitation, and the paternal grandparents, aunts and uncles are livid. We are in the midst of writing a wedding speech for the mother of the bride, and are wondering the best way to mention him in the speech and honor his name in spite of how he passed.

GENTLE READER: “Harvey would have so loved to have given this wedding with me, and to be toasting our daughter today ...”

This honors him, while also pointing out the obvious to his relatives: that the deceased simply cannot issue invitations. Miss Manners further assures you that unless one of the guests is an autopsy reporter, details of the death are never necessary at a wedding.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)