DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to swish wine or water in your mouth in the company of others?

GENTLE READER: Only if you are at a wine-tasting -- or your own bathroom sink -- and there is a suitable depository at the ready.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My longtime companion and I have been making a couple of trips each year to visit his daughter and her controlling husband, who live 400 miles away. We always stay in a hotel, but are invited to their home for dinners.

After our last visit, I stated that I would never go to their home again. The daughter is a nice person, and she and I get along great. The problem is her husband. I’ve put up with his repulsive manners, but I no longer wish to subject myself to his belligerent rudeness.

On our most recent visit, while I was in the kitchen alone, the husband strolled in and paused as he came near me, then proceeded to let out the loudest belch I have ever heard in my entire life. It was definitely deliberate and apparent it was directed AT me.

I felt that he was daring me to say something, but I acted as if I hadn’t even noticed what he had done. But inside, I was fuming! To me, it was the same as saying “F.U.” Am I being unreasonable in refusing to visit them in the future?

GENTLE READER: With your most sincere and concerned voice, say to his wife, “My dear, I am afraid that there might be something medically wrong with your husband. He makes the most extraordinary sounds and I fear that his digestive system is failing him. You might want to get him checked.”

If your companion’s daughter does not choke on her own food with laughter, Miss Manners feels that she will take the hint and address at least that specific problem -- if not his rudeness altogether.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am looking for guidance as to the best way to deal with a deceased father of the bride in an upcoming wedding.

The bride’s father committed suicide 10 years ago, and the devastation to his children and family is still very apparent. The wedding is being paid for by the bride’s mother and her now-husband of seven years.

They did not put the deceased father’s name on the invitation, and the paternal grandparents, aunts and uncles are livid. We are in the midst of writing a wedding speech for the mother of the bride, and are wondering the best way to mention him in the speech and honor his name in spite of how he passed.

GENTLE READER: “Harvey would have so loved to have given this wedding with me, and to be toasting our daughter today ...”

This honors him, while also pointing out the obvious to his relatives: that the deceased simply cannot issue invitations. Miss Manners further assures you that unless one of the guests is an autopsy reporter, details of the death are never necessary at a wedding.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a bartender at a small neighborhood bar. I have a great rapport with many customers, who have told me they come in specifically on my shifts for the good conversations. I am grateful for such comments, and also for my patrons’ generosity.

Most of my customers, while friendly, do understand that there’s a line between us, and don’t try to extend our good relationships outside of the bar. But lately, I’ve been struggling with a patron who very much wants a friendship outside the bar.

I do not, under any circumstances, want to be friends with this man. He’s never said or done anything terrible; I just simply don’t find his company very interesting and I don’t want to feel like I’m at work during my free time.

I’ve tried a number of polite responses in an attempt to defray the conversation. He does not take the hint. I’m at a loss as to how to communicate that I don’t want to hang out with him while also maintaining his patronage. Honestly, it wouldn’t bother me so much if he stopped coming on my shifts, but I don’t want the bar to lose a valued customer because I’ve offended him.

GENTLE READER: Some professions, by their nature, risk blurring the distinction between the professional and the personal.

It is natural to think that your doctor’s interest in your health is greater than that a scientist feels for a lab rat. And the teacher who spends extra time to make sure you understand the subject can be forgiven for developing a more than professional pride in your accomplishments.

But everyone needs time off, for which reason those professions cultivate distancing mechanisms, from the doctor’s lab coat to the now-disappearing habit of referring to the teacher by last name.

Such professionals, when approached outside the office and the classroom, are trained to refer the client to a colleague who is on duty. While this might work in your case, Miss Manners has her doubts. Your problem is, she cannot help noticing, at least partly self-created.

Bartenders in general, if not you in particular, increase their business by intentionally posing as pseudo-friends. That makes it easy to understand customers’ confusion. You can clarify the situation by saying, “I’m always happy to chat with you here, but I have a strict policy of separating my work from my private life.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My girlfriend and I were at a comedy show with another friend. At one point during the performance, both my girlfriend and I got up to go to the bathroom, which was just outside in the hallway. When I came out of the bathroom, I went back inside to our table. My girlfriend said I was supposed to wait for her by the ladies’ bathroom. Am I in the wrong?

GENTLE READER: The only applicable rule is one you both broke, namely, agreeing in advance on what to do. Miss Manners will accept any decision that does not involve one party forlornly standing outside a bathroom waiting for someone who is back at the table laughing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For nine years, my husband has worked for a company, part of a large nationwide corporation, where everyone is an “at will” employee. His former boss was compassionate and protective of those he supervised.

Upon that person’s retirement, a younger woman was brought in with almost no experience, and apparently given free reign/total power. This new general manager rules by fear and intimidation (and I surmise that this may stem from a lack of confidence).

Over the past year and a half, she has told most everyone, at every level, that they are “terrible” at their work, even though many have awards from the company that would easily counter that impression. She has fired some, and is in the process of demoting the rest -- placing herself basically in charge of everything. Many have chosen to quit in the midst of this chaos, and ultimately, the clients of the business will stand to suffer the most.

This woman has made it clear that no negative comments about her will be tolerated, even though they may indeed be true. Job loss will be the result, it seems, and she sends spies out to enforce this rule. The similarities to Hitler are uncanny.

I am a highly trained professional in another field, out of this person’s reach. I want to somehow intervene on behalf of those who have been suffering at the hands of this injustice, without putting my own spouse’s job on the line.

GENTLE READER: Even if your contemplated advice related to an area in which you are a publicly recognized expert, even if it did not compare the new management to mass murderers, and even if it is accurate, Miss Manners can say with confidence that it will not be welcome.

The bigger problem is that management will be correct in saying that you have no right to be heard on this particular subject. You lack what the courts call “standing,” by which they mean a direct stake in the situation.

Your husband, by contrast, is free to speak up. This may indeed have consequences for his employment, but at least it will spare him the embarrassment of having to hear what management thinks about any intervention by you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 83-year-old father has advanced Alzheimer’s, and we are planning his final arrangements. I am charged with his finances and handling all of his affairs.

My ex-stepmother (they were married 25 years) divorced my dad right after his Alzheimer’s diagnosis as she just “couldn’t deal with it” -- leaving his care to me and my siblings. The family does not maintain contact with her. She also took all of their possessions when they split up, and left us to find an assisted-living care facility for Dad.

I do NOT want her at his funeral, nor do any of my family; however, my mother -- they were divorced 46 years ago, but are on good terms -- says I should invite her.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette respects the final resting place of the deceased -- and of relationships that were terminated by vile behavior. As no one is on speaking terms with the ex-wife now, Miss Manners sees no obvious (or etiquette) reason to modify that at your father’s death.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)