DEAR MISS MANNERS: This left me stunned: My sister sent out text invitations for her older son’s eighth birthday party. Included was a note requesting that all presents be delivered, unwrapped, at least two days before the party. (The note further explained that she had a huge pile of leftover wrapping paper and wanted to save everyone the trouble and expense.)

I purchased a building set that my nephew had mentioned and, though I thought the request was bizarre and crude, dropped the toy off the day before the party. My sister was annoyed that the present was “late,” but accepted it.

On the day of the party, the boy sat down to open his gifts and, much to my surprise, the gift from me was not the one I purchased. Apparently, that was the case for a good number of the gifts.

Yes, my sister requested the presents early to “pre-return them for something more appropriate” (her words). In some cases, the gifts were “too cheap.” Other gifts, mine included, were returned for something “more suitable.” In my case, she thought her “talented boy would do better” with a more complicated building set, even though I bought the one that he requested. My sister is in utter disbelief that anyone was offended, since she considers that she did us all a favor.

It seems a shame to punish the kids because their mother has lost her mind, but I have very little inclination to go to the trouble of purchasing gifts for anyone in that family again, and I am not a fan of gift cards (which would probably be to the wrong store, anyway).

May I have a polite response, please, from Miss Manners to give when my sister next demands gifts? At the moment, the only reply I can think of involves four-letter words, which I should very probably keep to myself.

GENTLE READER: Rather than waiting for an opportunity to issue those four-letter words, Miss Manners proposes that you initiate the present-giving before your sister gets the chance to put restrictions on it.

“This year, my present will be to take Bennett shopping for it himself.” This reinforces the idea that you and your nephew have your own relationship -- and other ideas about what he might like to receive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Soon after my daughter’s wedding “Save the Date” cards were sent, a guest called to say his family will be on a safari that day and cannot attend. Do we still send an invitation? While he effectively gave his RSVP, it seems harsh to drop him from the guest list.

GENTLE READER: And yet equally awkward for him to feel that he must respond to it, when he thinks he already has (although that card did not require any response). However, in case his plans change, Miss Manners suggests you send an invitation, scribbling on it by hand, “Bon voyage! We’ll miss you at the wedding. Let’s get together afterwards and exchange photos -- where we promise to admire your giraffes, if you admire our bride.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate response when you have been disinvited to a girls’ weekend after being one of the first “yes” responders?

I am part of a group of college friends who try to get together on long weekend getaways. We are dispersed throughout the U.S., so it is difficult to solidify dates and commitments.

One friend offered heading down south for a girls’ weekend at her mother’s place and I stated that I was “in.” I am probably the most flexible one in the group, since I am single and do not have kids.

Two months later, with no word of this invite coming to fruition, I did not think it was going to happen.

Now I get a call from the hostess, telling me that she and two other friends are heading to her mom’s place, but that I am no longer part of this trip. This is due to the fact that the weekend was going to be an “intervention” for one of our friends who is going through a rough patch in life with work, finances, husband, etc. (Nothing related to alcohol or drug addiction.) The hostess thought that adding more friends would intimidate her from “opening up.”

This friend with “issues” has been a frequent communicator with me, so I am totally up to speed with her trials and tribulations. The other friend who was invited to the trip went to high school with the friend with the issues, so she was allowed to take part.

Needless to say, I was hurt and disappointed that I was excluded, which I expressed. Should I be seeking other, more reliable friends, or actually be relieved that since this girls’ weekend would be focused on one person’s woes, it would not be a chance to truly enjoy a weekend getaway?

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners objects vehemently to hosts’ rescinding invitations without overwhelming and unavoidable cause, she does not agree that this is what happened.

To invent an extreme example, the list of attendees at the funeral that required cancellation of the wedding need not be the same. (The list is the same in “Romeo and Juliet” productions because the theater already paid for the costumes -- not to mention the actors -- not because of any dictate of etiquette.)

Your weekend getaway and the trip that actually occurred are very different events. As you recognize, “focusing on one person’s woes” is unlikely to be an enjoyable weekend getaway. The proper responses to what occurred are, in descending order of importance: concern for your unhappy friend, tolerance for the friend who was unable to pull off the hoped-for getaway, and relief that you were excused from an unpleasant trip.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was served a meal that included fork-tender meat. Does this mean knives were optional?

GENTLE READER: Yes, although Miss Manners is unclear why, as the guest, you are concerned -- unless you were planning to stay after dinner and help wash up.

Were you the host, she would recommend providing knives. She promises not to inquire whether unused knives are returned to the drawer or put in the dishwasher after everyone leaves.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a casual restaurant dinner, the teen relative of one of our friends became ill. He arrived well, but unfortunately later took a turn for the worse and discreetly left the room.

When he returned, he sat down across from me and muttered how nothing was left in his stomach. He then said quietly but audibly to another relative that it was unpleasant to vomit in a public toilet, adding other unappetizing details, which I need not detail further.

His mother gathered up their things and took him home, but our food was delivered to us around the time he made the comments.

Although I work with numerous medical professionals and am not squeamish, I had to concentrate hard to continue to eat my (otherwise delicious) meal! Others may complain that this or that minor thing “ruined their meal,” but this -- a situation where someone inches away from our dinner food was looking horrible and sharing stomach-churning details -- truly, I think, fits the figurative phrase.

It would not have been helpful or supportive to say “hurry up and go home!” and heartless to say “please don’t sit here,” but that’s what I wished! What could I have said or done that could have mitigated the unpleasantness of what I observed and heard (after all, one cannot un-hear things), without causing more grief or sadness to our friend or her emotionally sensitive son dealing with a challenging medical condition? Since we will be having these dinner meetings monthly, it is likely to occur again.

GENTLE READER: Then you should probably change restaurants.

Grateful as she is for your high estimation of what good manners can achieve, Miss Manners must nevertheless confess that life contains unpleasant moments even for those with impeccable manners.

The teenage relative did not have unimpeachable manners. It would have been far better had he not provided details, even in an undertone. But he did excuse himself for the main event, and leave shortly thereafter.

Taxing him with ruining your evening by looking ill is ungentlemanly. You did not deserve to have your meal ruined, but then neither did the teenage relative. Even in civilized society, unpleasant things that happen to one person can be unavoidably unpleasant for others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who augments her income by purchasing homes in need of TLC, moving in, renovating and reselling. After each home is completed, she hosts a party to show friends her handiwork, and within a year or two sells the home and moves into her next project.

I enjoy her parties as a chance to see acquaintances I don’t run into often, and I have always brought a housewarming gift. I have now been invited to my fifth such event and am wondering: Is it necessary to bring a housewarming gift every time she moves, given that it’s a frequent event and a source of income for her?

GENTLE READER: As presents are not required, Miss Manners has no objection to neglecting to bring one in recognition of a friend’s fifth house. The same rule can be applied if a friend were to acquire a fifth husband or child -- but should not be applied to a fifth birthday.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)