DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have a 2-year-old son and are currently expecting another baby. My husband’s younger brother and his wife are also expecting their second child, due a week before ours.

We are very blessed to have friends and family who were ecstatic over the birth of our first. My dear friends threw me a lovely baby shower. We have everything we need for the new baby and I’m grateful to have friends who wouldn’t dream of throwing a second shower. I’d be mortified if they did.

My sister-in-law’s family is unfortunately the very type to throw a second baby shower. At her first shower, they charged $5 at the door for “lottery tickets,” with the money ostensibly going to the parents-to-be to cover certain costs associated with the baby. This was in addition to the shower gift I’d brought AND being asked to bring a pack of diapers to help the parents.

Her family is also highly competitive, and is sure to make very pointed remarks when they ask me about my own impending baby shower and I answer that there won’t be another.

How should I handle those remarks? I don’t want their false pity, nor do I wish to hear disparaging remarks against my friends and family for not throwing another shower. Clearly it’s not polite to point out that she shouldn’t be having a second shower, but what is a polite, firm way to deflect?

GENTLE READER: “We are very excited to attend Margo and Larry’s shower. Do you think they’ll have another boy?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a bar for a work-related dinner meeting and ordered soup. I peppered said soup before tasting it and was castigated by one of my dinner companions.

Is the etiquette in a bar the same as what should be practiced in a more formal setting?

GENTLE READER: The peppering of one’s food is not subject to degrees of formality. Nor should they be your dinner companion’s concern -- unless that person also happens to be the chef.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An elderly parent died a couple of years ago. Now another elderly relative has passed. My husband and I received condolences on both occasions. We were very moved by the numerous cards and handwritten notes we received.

I was astonished that we both received condolences by email as well, and found myself greatly offended at that. I don’t expect flowers or memorial donations to charity or food, just a simple card or a handwritten note. But I would rather not hear from someone at all than receive an email condolence. It seems as though the elderly person was not worth any more effort than a mere mouse click.

Am I wrong and petty? Or has custom changed to where an electronic condolence is acceptable?

GENTLE READER: It has not. But Miss Manners has admittedly weakened her stance, since any correspondence at all is often rare. She does not condone the emails, but as you received so many letters from people who addressed them properly, she suggests you not let it ruin the relationship with the senders who did not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On the occasion of my daughter’s graduation from college, my friend, an avid scrapbooker, gifted my daughter with the promise of a scrapbook of her college years. For this project, she asked my daughter to go through four years of photos and mementos, organizing them by date, occasion, milestone, etc., including explanatory notes to make the journey clear to my friend so that she could scrapbook it. She suggested that my daughter have copies made of social media pictures that would be included.

My daughter privately expressed her dismay at having to complete that extensive task just as she was concentrating on finding a job in her field and moving to another city.

This all happened two years ago. I am so grateful to my friend for offering this service as a gift, but frankly, it isn’t going to happen. My daughter has no interest in taking the time to do this. She wrote a lovely thank-you note to my friend, saying she was looking forward to gathering the material when she had time.

Now my friend is asking me about it, and I believe I hear an edge to her voice. Is there a kind way to let her know that this isn’t going to happen? And is it ever appropriate to “gift” someone with a service that requires a lot of work on the part of the recipient?

GENTLE READER: Whether they are proper or not, such presents are dangerous -- if you hope to instill gratitude, rather than annoyance, in the recipient.

Your daughter’s letter of thanks expressed the proper gratitude, and gave the proper warning. Your friend, unfortunately, did not take the hint.

Miss Manners fears that your daughter will now have to do one more thing she may not wish to do: She will have to let you apologize to your friend and explain just how busy she is. Your apology will imply that your daughter is failing to accomplish a reasonable task (“But what can one do?”). This is neither true nor fair. But on the bright side, it will save her from sneezing over old swim-meet ribbons.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son passed away, unexpectedly, eight years ago. He was 21 at the time and dating a very nice young lady. We kept in touch for a while following the funeral, but then things tapered off.

Because of the mutual friends she shared with my son, I now see that she is getting married in a few weeks. Would it be weird for me to send wedding congratulations? I wish only happiness for her as she begins her married life.

GENTLE READER: Friendships that outlast the loss of the relative -- or friend, boyfriend or spouse -- who brought you together have a special status, particularly when they cross generations. They honor the person you both lost, but they also demonstrate a generosity of spirit in caring about someone who was dear to someone dear to you.

Far from being weird, Miss Manners thinks it would be lovely of you to reach out to her to wish her well. Not everyone finds themselves able to do so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My granddaughter is 7. She loses interest in her dinner, says she’s full. Her dad says, “four more bites.” She balks. He demands it again.

Sometimes he starts to count to a declared number. Then it teeters on to, “OK, then, no dessert.” Or whatever.

Sometimes it happens at my house, sometime theirs. My husband and I have great difficulty witnessing this. (We have overbearing parents in common.) We have baby-sat for years, and we don’t make problems at dinnertime, so we don’t have them. Is there a flippant response that I can at least say to myself while witnessing this pattern?

GENTLE READER: Reasonable people can disagree on the proper placement of the line between teaching discipline and making dinner unbearable. So can parenting consultants.

Much as Miss Manners appreciates you and your husband not making problems at dinnertime, she is not convinced that the only problem being created is by your granddaughter’s parents. Taking the word of a 7-year-old that she is full -- and will not be starving by bedtime -- seems to her to require a great leap of faith.

There are many flippant responses that you can say to yourself, but as manners deals in the realm of behavior, it cannot help you script them. It instead urges restraint, as your children are no doubt doing their best with their own children.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband was diagnosed with severe liver disease, which means that his days of drinking alcohol are over. Bottles of spirits are common gifts among our group of friends, however.

Under other circumstances (the bestowal of an ugly lamp, say) we would just gratefully accept the gift, then quietly give it away. In this case, however, alcohol will never be a good gift, and the situation is likely to arise repeatedly.

We don’t want to make each occasion a drama-filled discussion of his medical situation, but also feel that a polite lie will just perpetuate the problem. And our friends are good folks -- they’ll likely feel awful if they find out the situation only after giving us several bottles.

Can you suggest a polite way to convey our gratitude, while also making it clear that we can no longer accept gifts of this nature?

GENTLE READER: Loathe though she is either to make medical conditions a subject of discussion or to complain about gifts, Miss Manners agrees it is best to act to avoid future embarrassment. But not now.

Accept the gift with gratitude -- and without contradiction. In your next conversation with the friend, tell them casually about the “recent diagnosis,” and repeat your thanks for the gift, with the added sentiment attached to it being one of the last such presents your husband was able to enjoy. Skip over the fact that he enjoyed the thought, not the bottle.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)