DEAR MISS MANNERS: After a fishing trip, we invited over some friends who live about an hour away to enjoy our catch. They replied that they’d love to, and reminded us they have two dogs now.

Before we replied, they wrote again: “We hope you can put up with us and our two weird dogs for the day, and overnight if we drink too much.”

When they had just one dog, we invited them in the summer when we spent the day outside. I stated the invitation was meant only for them and we were not prepared to include two dogs at this time -- considering it will be rainy, my husband is allergic and our home was recently remodeled, including new hardwood floors. These are not lap dogs, more medium-sized (40 pounds).

They were then unable to come and were sad to hear we didn’t welcome their “well-behaved girls.” They said their house was open if we wanted to come there. Any better way I should have handled this?

GENTLE READER: ”I’m afraid that our house is ill-equipped for your dogs, but we would love to have just the two of you” is likely what you thought you said.

But anyone reading your letter, including Miss Manners, clearly inferred that your hardwood floors were more important to you than their dogs.

This is clearly not what they wanted to hear. Since your friends seemed to have remained in good standing by asking you to come to their house instead, however, Miss Manners advises you to take them up on their offer graciously.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I do coursework on the weekends at the public library in my town. They have several sets of large and small tables.

Because I need to spread out lots of papers, books, notepads and my laptop, I sit at a large four-person table, which also has a built-in electrical plug for my laptop. These tables have hard wooden chairs with high backs. The smaller two-person tables have no plugs, but wider seats with padded cushions and low backs.

I have disc degeneration and a herniated disc, so sitting still for long periods of time and not being able to stretch take a toll on my back for the four to six hours I am at the library. I have started to swap out the chairs, always putting them back. For what it is worth, tables are not at a premium and there are plenty to go around.

I now feel guilty not only for being a single person at a large table for four, but for also swapping the seats. This hasn’t inconvenienced anyone as far as I can tell, and I do have a genuine disability, but I feel I may be rude to take up so much space and swap chairs to make myself comfortable, even if no one has complained.

GENTLE READER: As with public transportation and any other unreserved, unpaid seating, the solution is to offer to move if someone asks. Miss Manners suggests that you do not invite complaint when none is being issued.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Circumstances have placed me in social circles with a couple I have known many years. The wife was my true love from high school. She chose another to wed, and I have always held my tongue and in no way have interfered, or revealed the private hurt the loss of her affection once caused me.

We sometimes meet at group dinners and parties. Whenever I am alone with her husband, my old rival, he rubs it in that she shares a marriage bed with him and not me. He expresses this crudely, in ways that would outrage his wife and all of our mutual friends.

What should I do? If I reveal his vulgarities, he would deny them. If I did something like record them, everyone would think me ugly-minded. He’s been doing this a long time now. What is the polite thing for me to do?

GENTLE READER: Avoid being alone in his company. If you cannot and he continues, excuse yourself saying, “Forgive me. I am sure that our respective wives would highly disapprove of this conversation. You will understand if I take my leave and spare them.” This gives you credit for threatening him, without actually doing so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband recently threw me a surprise 40th birthday party at a local establishment we frequent. Several friends were in attendance and had braved bad driving conditions to share in the 9 p.m. celebration.

The party was a complete surprise and I had an unforgettable time. I would like to be able to say it was an absolute success. However, the delight I was still basking in the following day was cut short when I talked to my mom. My husband had not invited my parents because he did not think they would attend, due to the party not starting until later. In addition, no other family were in attendance, and the invitation was created via social media, which my parents are not part of.

My parents are very hurt, feel slighted by my husband and said it should have been up to them to decide if 9 p.m. and poor road conditions were enough to keep them home.

Up until now, my parents and husband have had a loving relationship. My husband realized his error and took it upon himself to contact my parents to extend a sincere apology, but my mom is one to hold grudges. I am very saddened to see my parents so upset and feel like I am caught in the middle. How do we move forward?

GENTLE READER: Groveling. Or rather, ask your husband to grovel.

Have him issue another heartfelt apology, this time in writing, and follow up with your parents by telling them how devastated he is, and that he has sworn he will never make a similar assumption again.

Ask them if, in the name of peace in the family, they could possibly forgive him. If there are children -- or the prospect of children -- Miss Manners recommends you invoke them for maximum effect. These are desperate times.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last summer, my sister-in-law’s best friend and her daughter moved in with her and her family. No one is sure how long this arrangement is going to last, but it looks like it will be a long time.

What is my husband’s and my obligation to this friend and her daughter for holidays and get-togethers? Last Christmas, we bought the little girl a gift because we didn’t want her to feel left out while we were giving gifts to our niece and nephew. The friend and her daughter ended up leaving for Christmas to visit family, but we left the gift anyway.

The latest problem happened when I was planning a surprise birthday party for my husband. I chose not to invite the friend, mainly because my husband does not care for her and I was trying to keep the guest list intimate since I was having the party at a restaurant.

When I sent the invitation to my SIL, she asked if her friend and daughter could come. When I told her about my budget, she insisted on their coming and paying for both. I didn’t want to cause a rift, so I ended up caving and agreeing.

After the party, I talked to my husband about what happened. Even though he agrees with me, he thinks we are just going to have to invite this friend to things, even if we don’t want to, just because she is living with his sister.

If this friend was not living with my SIL, we would never even think about inviting her. My husband has known this girl for years, but he doesn’t care for her, and neither do I. How do we handle future situations? Or am I in the wrong, and we should just suck it up and include them?

GENTLE READER: Although etiquette often uses misdirection to spare people’s feelings, it does not do so indiscriminately. (While Miss Manners’ point is that misdirection should not be used thoughtlessly, she admits that etiquette is also not indiscriminate about sparing people’s feelings.)

When you framed the problem as one of cost, your sister-in-law insisted on paying. You cannot blame her for your unhappiness that she solved the problem you gave her.

The solution is not to invent a problem that you think she will be unable to answer (“We have not invited any children and the restaurant is not really equipped to handle kids”). Rather, it is to tell the truth. Discriminately.

This means informing your sister-in-law that, while you would love to do something with the larger group at some unspecified later date (and with an unspecified host), this event is only for your husband’s oldest and closest friends and family. Discrimination comes in by omitting the part about his not liking the live-in.

There is no polite way to avoid your sister-in-law’s live-ins when you are a guest in her home, and you were right to purchase a present for the little girl. However, the obligation is conditional on the daughter’s presence: You could have asked beforehand if they would be there for Christmas.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)