DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it OK to ask someone to wash their hands after using the bathroom, because you could clearly hear that they did not?

I have been operating under the assumption that if I am in someone else’s home, I have no right to ask them to do something differently. Is it only OK in my own home? Or if they are in the midst of preparing a meal we are both going to eat?

What if you ask them to go back and wash their hands and they say they already did, even though you know they didn’t?

This is all happening with a male relative whose home I occasionally visit. Last time I was there, he also went to the bathroom with the door open.

I’m constantly telling myself, “It’s his house, you can’t ask him to change.” It is starting to wear me down and I don’t know what to do. I know I have the option of just not going to his house, but I enjoy spending time with him.

GENTLE READER: Doctors have a saying about what color the world would be if certain common, but unhygienic, substances had discernible colors. We are all faced with unhygienic conditions much more frequently than we care to know.

Those who are faint of heart should not read about backstage in the restaurant business. The question, then, is what to do for those whose sensitivity to such conditions cannot be answered by etiquette’s first rule in these cases -- namely, “out of sight, out of mind.”

The location -- your home or your relative’s -- is unfortunately irrelevant: It is impolite to correct another person’s manners. The closeness of the relationship does matter, as a spouse or sibling can say things in private that are barred to an acquaintance. Miss Manners therefore recommends seeking out such a third party to whom you can, with apologies, share your discomfort, in the name of the offender’s health as well as in the hope that he or she will intervene without naming you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: IS IT APPROPRIATE TO HAVE A GOFUNDME PAGE TO PAY FOR YOUR HONEYMOON?

GENTLE READER: NO.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After the death of one of their grandparents, my relatives, for the second time, have opted to use the postage that would have been spent on thank-you notes to make a donation to a group of cloistered nuns. One of the relatives in question is a member of the convent.

Is this something new, for people to donate to a cause or charity to which the giver would not choose to give?

GENTLE READER: It may be, which does not mean Miss Manners condones the behavior. Were the subject-matter not so serious, she would express amusement that the relative chose a cause that directly benefited herself; that the cause in question is supposed to be dedicated to doing charity for others; that the amount saved on postage must be insignificant -- and that, lacking a note explaining the action, no one is ever likely to know why their condolences were so rudely ignored.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If a friend spends four years talking about every detail in the construction of a vacation home, then describes all the fun of having friends and relatives visit for a weekend, might one assume one will be invited, sooner or later?

GENTLE READER: One might hope so. But Miss Manners notices that social media postings have accustomed people to the idea that generalized bragging, along the lines of “Nyah, nyah, here’s what I have and you don’t,” implies no further action than admiration on the part of the excluded recipient.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 4-year-old grandson’s parents and I request that he address adults with respect, using “Mr.” or “Ms.” For example, he addresses the door-persons in my building as “Ms. Alicia” and “Mr. Daniel.”

When he addresses one of my senior citizen neighbors as “Ms. Edna,” she tells him she is “just Edna, not Ms. Edna.” How can we continue to teach him respect while respecting her wishes as well?

GENTLE READER: Child-rearing would be a lot easier if it were only a matter of issuing inflexible rules. “Always be completely honest” sounds like a good one, until Auntie Lauren asks your toddler if he loves her and would like a kiss.

So you must also deal with conflicting virtues, such as kindness and respect. Miss Manners considers your problem an opportunity to point out that sometimes respecting what the other person wants is more important than following the general rule. When that “sometimes” is legitimate and when not is also an important lesson, but one that might be saved for when your grandson is older.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When eating in restaurants, I frequently use the one knife provided to cut up unruly bits of lettuce and overly large slices of cucumber, etc., in my salad. When finished, I leave this knife on the salad plate to go away.

Nearly always, the server takes the used knife and puts it back at my place, or tells me to keep my knife.

Am I improper to use a knife for my salad, or is the server improper to put soiled silverware back on the table? May I ask for a new knife for the main course?

GENTLE READER: The temptation, for Miss Manners, would be to use the knife to go after the person in the kitchen who is responsible for putting the salad together. As she has never seen a proper salad knife offered in a restaurant, however pretentious, she expects any salad ingredients that cannot be easily cut with the side of the fork to be served in bite-sized pieces.

If not, the diner is entitled to eat as best possible, which may include using whatever knife is at hand. Unless the restaurant provides knife-rests (Miss Manners is beginning to think she should open a silver shop), soiled implements should not be returned to the table. There is no need to be hesitant about asking politely for a fresh knife.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work from home and live in a city known for vacations. I have a friend who visits every year so that we may attend a yearly sporting event on a particular weekend.

This year, she arrived a few days before the event, and gave no indication of when she planned on leaving. She stayed for a full week after the event (she does not work). This disrupted my work schedule, as she had nothing to do. She tried to be quiet, but sat next to me reading as I tried to work.

Is there a delicate way to inform her that, next year, I would like her visit to be of less duration? I do not want to offend her, as she is an old friend, but an unlimited visit is difficult.

GENTLE READER: Judging from the number of Gentle Readers who are stuck like this, it does not seem to be widely known that it is hosts, not guests, who determine the limits of a visit.

This is best made clear at the time of the invitation: “I’m so glad that you can come for the game weekend. Come Friday, and I hope you can stay until Monday morning.”

Miss Manners knows that it is harder when the guest is already planted there, but it is not impossible: “It’s been wonderful having you here, and I hate to see our little holiday come to an end. But it’s high time I got back to my routine, as I’m sure you must want to get back to yours.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just went to the doctor for an X-ray. As I returned my paperwork to the receptionist, I was stunned to find a glass jar labeled “Tips,” much like one might find in a coffee shop.

Miss Manners, what in the world is this? Is this normal now?

GENTLE READER: Only if you do not make the common mistake of believing that whatever is normal is acceptable. Your doctor can tell you about all kinds of normal human functions that are best not flaunted. Better yet, your lawyer can tell you about normal human impulses that are best stifled.

Greed is normal, Miss Manners acknowledges. But this manifestation of it is unprofessional.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If a married man is sick in the hospital and an old female friend from high school, whom he hasn’t seen in 40 years and was never romantically involved with, but who has recently gotten back in touch with him via social media, finds out about the hospitalization and sends him a “get well soon” package consisting of a teddy bear with three balloons attached, would that be considered inappropriate?

GENTLE READER: The gentleman is 43 years old, Miss Manners gathers.

And while she is at it, she is guessing that you are the patient’s wife and do not care for this show of attention. It is beyond her powers to imagine why you should object to his receiving good wishes, even in childish form, from an old friend. She cannot help you by declaring this improper.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)