DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am planning a 100th birthday party for my late grandmother’s recently reconditioned piano. The guests will be other classical musicians and singers.

As usual, when we all get together and there’s a piano nearby, some people like to play or sing. I’ll engage a pianist, too. (No tip jar!) As hostess, I’ll refrain from singing unless we all get silly and, as a group, sing “Happy Birthday to Miss Wellington-Cable!”

Now I know one should never encourage or discourage gifts in an invitation for a person. But as this type of party is (hopefully) unique, I think many people may wonder whether to bring a gift for an inanimate object.

I’m leaning towards keeping to the usual “no gift mention at all” rule. However someone tells me I need to make an exception “because nobody will know what to do for a piano’s birthday!” I figure I can say something when people reply, as they usually do in the South, with, ”May I bring anything?”

Am I leaning the right way or am I “out of tune” here?

GENTLE READER: Re-examining the reasons behind etiquette is always welcome, never more so than when new situations arise.

In this case, however, the original reasoning still applies, namely that it is impolite to assume one is going to receive a present, and therefore one should not provide instructions on the point.

Miss Manners would not wish to presume that given your piano’s age, you will not be sending follow-up questions about wedding plans and baby showers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will be moving soon, and would like to send out moving notices to friends and family. However, part of why I’m moving is because I’m also getting divorced.

Now, of course, my family and close friends know this already. There are several friends, however, who may not know.

Is there any way to convey this on the moving notice without it being, for lack of a better word, weird? Do I just list my name and my two children on there and hope that gets the message across?

GENTLE READER: There is a logic to using a single stamp when announcing all the things you are leaving behind, but a divorce and a move are not similar enough to share an envelope -- no matter how much you loved the house and how little you loved the spouse.

People with whom you are close enough to share personal information will need to be told explicitly about the divorce. For others, Miss Manners agrees that a card with the names of those making the move satisfies the requirements of etiquette. But be prepared for one or two follow-up questions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would you please address in your column the misuse of “gentleman” and “lady” as synonyms for “man” and “woman”? I find it offensive when these terms are used by newscasters to refer to criminals.

GENTLE READER: Address it? Miss Manners is herself guilty of it.

You are quite right that these names should be reserved for those who have earned it. Unlike as in class-stratified societies, where these designations depend on birth, American ladies and gentlemen are distinguished by their behavior.

But Miss Manners uses the terms, sometimes with a dash of irony, in the hope that they are aspirational. For the same reason, she addresses those who are kind enough to consult her as “Gentle Reader.” They may not all be gentle, but she cherishes hope.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the one who has people to my house for all holidays, including providing the food and alcohol. I bring hostess gifts -- flowers, wine or both -- WHEN and IF I ever get invited to other people’s homes to reciprocate for my hospitality.

We used to throw lavish New Year’s Eve parties and Fourth of July parties that upwards of 100 people attended. We quit doing that to end the days of planning a perfect party, stocking the liquor cabinet, and cooking food for everyone, only to receive maybe one bottle of wine or a cheese ball.

We didn’t do it for the gifts, but are our “friends” just clods? We wanted to party with them, too! I felt these were our friends, since we saw them at ballgames and other events around town regularly. I wished, I guess, that inviting them to my home for a get-together would nudge them to invite us back ... but no.

They drop into our house regularly for dinner, uninvited, eating and drinking their way through whatever meal we whip up to accommodate more company (we never turn anyone away at mealtime), and know where our liquor cabinet is. They drain it regularly.

But never do we get an invite to their homes for a meal or a barbecue, let alone a full, all-out party. Ever. I am sad, and a little disappointed, but after 20-plus years, have resigned myself to just get over it. These people always have a BIG hello, hugs and kisses in public when we run into each other, and are friends with us on social media, and yet I am tired of not getting anything in return.

Am I right, should I just get over it? I miss having everyone over, but I want something in return!

GENTLE READER: More cheese balls?

Miss Manners was about to explain, although not excuse, the lack of reciprocal hospitality. Many people nowadays do not entertain, particularly not on the scale that you do. What you could reasonably expect is to be invited to share their normal social lives, whether such events are held at home, or in restaurants, at ballgames or on other recreational excursions.

But then Miss Manners got to the part about their dropping in uninvited and raiding your liquor cabinet. Yes, your friends are clods.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While at a restaurant, I needed to leave the table to use the restroom. I left my napkin on my chair. When I returned, my husband informed me that our waiter had picked up my napkin, refolded it, and left it on the table.

Now I had to figure out which side had been against my lap, and which against my mouth. If I guessed wrong I would have ended up with grease stains on my nice slacks. I figured it out, but not without some work.

Several nights later, while dining in what is reportedly the best restaurant in this particular city, I observed a waiter refolding the napkin of a patron who had temporarily left the table, so this refolding thing is obviously not just a quirk in one restaurant.

That this is gross and distasteful should not even need to be stated. If this should happen again, I will ask for a fresh napkin. But I will want to convey my distaste and displeasure that this has occurred.

What does Miss Manners suggest? And will she please ask restaurateurs to end this distasteful practice?

GENTLE READER: Right after she gets them to stop asking, “Are you still working on that?”

Such unfortunate practices seem to spread rapidly around the restaurant industry. And yet many people still regard expensive restaurants as models of formal service. It is not up to you to retrain the staff. Asking for a fresh napkin should make the point.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is the purpose of a wedding reception to “pay back” the guests for coming?

My niece is getting married soon. The couple is in their early 20s. They would like to have a small reception with just snacks, punch and cake. My niece’s parents are unable to help financially, and my niece is fine with just a small reception because that is what they can afford.

She is getting a great deal of pushback from others, who say that they “owe” their guests a big party to thank them for coming. I feel that guests should be there to share in their happiness and their day.

GENTLE READER: “Pay back”?

That’s one way of putting it, and making it sound crude. Another way would be that wedding guests would like to be able to congratulate the couple after the ceremony.

But Miss Manners is unclear about what you consider a “small” or “big” reception. If “small” means the simple fare you describe, the guests are crass to complain. But if it means that some guests will be dismissed while a reception is held for others, it will be the hosts who are callous.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should a gentleman go before or behind a woman ascending stairs?

I’ve always been taught to follow a woman descending and ascending stairs, in the unfortunate case that she slips. I occasionally feel self-conscious, not wanting the woman to be paranoid with my face in her lower back.

GENTLE READER: The deciding factor here is not whether you go before or behind the lady, but that she should have a nice soft gentleman to land upon if she should stumble. Miss Manners notes that you have it half right: You should follow her going up, but precede her going down.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)