DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am currently seeing my ex-husband, and we are at a loss as to how to introduce each other to new people.

GENTLE READER: As you and your ex-husband have agreed to make a fresh start, the same courtesy should be extended to the people you meet. Miss Manners leaves up to you whether that means introducing him by name or as your suitor or fiance.

If anyone knows enough to ask if you were not once married, you can then acknowledge that you were. But when doing so, it would be best not to look perplexed, as if the fact had somehow slipped your mind.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My aunt and uncle had a graduation party for their son, my cousin, who supposedly graduated college. Several family members and friends had given monetary gifts.

Come to find out a few weeks later, my cousin is short several credit hours and didn’t actually graduate, even though he was somehow allowed to walk across the stage. However, he didn’t waste any time cashing everyone’s checks! What are your thoughts on this? Should he return the money?

GENTLE READER: The school administration -- who know more about your cousin’s record than anyone -- presumably allowed him to participate in graduation because they felt that any shortcomings were either slight or would be quickly remedied.

This is good enough for Miss Manners. While she agrees that presents should not be accepted under false pretenses, she counsels against being too literal. The consequences would be both dire and tiring. Divorcees are not expected to return the wedding gifts (assuming they can find them), and children are not expected to give back, years later, any toys they have outgrown.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am writing to learn if there are better forms of greetings for more somber occasions. For example, I am a veteran with 23 years of service, and I am uncomfortable with the traditional “Happy Memorial Day” greeting that the news and entertainment media have foisted upon the public.

However, I do not know what is actually acceptable to use in its place.

GENTLE READER: Reasonable people can disagree about whether it was the media who crafted vapidly happy greetings for every occasion.

It seems to Miss Manners that it is a byproduct of the American tendency to commercialize every holiday: an activity at odds with a somber (or sober) demeanor. The horde of candy bunnies that infest grocery stores around Easter would support the latter conclusion, as one would expect a certain amount of dignity to be associated with that holiday, irrespective of the ultimate conclusion.

What, then, to say? As the phrase is intended as a greeting, the most neutral option would be “Memorial Day greetings.” But as you are not selling anything, it is not necessary to name the holiday every time you open your mouth.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have shoulder-length hair that I wear up in a simple twist style. At least several times per week, an acquaintance asks me, “Why don’t you ever wear your hair down?” or exclaims, “I’ve never seen you with your hair down!” They then follow up with, “You should really wear it down more often!” or even, “Will you wear it down to the event I’m hosting?”

What does one do with these types of comments and questions? Frankly, I find them insulting. I’m tempted to reply with such sarcastic retorts as, “I do wear my hair down, but only at intimate moments,” or “And I’ve never seen YOU naked!”

How can I politely tell them that it’s really none of their business, and if they don’t like my hairstyle, they need not look at me?

GENTLE READER: The etiquette infraction you describe is known as being “overly familiar,” and has itself become all too familiar.

Miss Manners’ solution is to balance it with increased formality. Think of it as taking a step back when someone gets too close:

“Why don’t you ever wear your hair down?”

“I do.”

“I’ve never seen you with your hair down!”

“Oh?”

“You should really wear it down more often!”

“I prefer it this way.”

“Will you wear it down to the event I’m hosting?”

“We’ll see.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a “save the date” for the wedding for a family friend, a young man I used to baby-sit and have watched grow up. Unfortunately, I will be out of the country on the big day.

Should I send my regrets now, to save them the time and trouble of sending a formal invitation, or wait for that formality?

GENTLE READER: As the “save the date” card is not, technically, an invitation, you are not, strictly speaking, required to respond. Before she is deluged with letters by irate brides, Miss Manners adds that it would nevertheless be both courteous and considerate to express your regret.

Readers have alerted Miss Manners to an inexplicable practice of subsequently neglecting to invite all the recipients of “save the date” cards, but she trusts you know your friends well enough to be confident they will not respond by telling you who will be taking your seat or how much money you have saved them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I had dinner with a friend who lives in a retirement community, a female friend of his stopped by our table to greet him. I reflexively stood, as I was taught to do for a lady older than I. I resumed my seat as we all chatted for a while and then, as she took her leave, I stood again. Nothing odd in this -- at least not for someone of my generation -- but it occurred to me that, in the context, this might have emphasized to others that they are unable to stand (not least to my friend, who is currently wheelchair-bound).

GENTLE READER: Ladies remain seated when people join the table, as do those for whom rising would be a hardship (or an impossibility). Miss Manners trusts that no one will be offended by your rising, so long as you do not suggest that you are doing so as the youngster at the table.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are hosting a sit-down dinner in our home. I have hired a chef and bartender to make the evening as smooth and pleasant as possible. We have done this a few times before, and the evenings have been well-received by guests. I believe we all had a lovely time.

However, since it is a plated dinner, there are practical limitations to the size of the guest list -- both physical space at the table and my budget for the event.

We invited a couple who RSVP’d for themselves and also for their adult child and her fiance. These young people are in their 30s, have not lived with their parents in years, and they certainly were not on the invitation.

The couple said they had such a lovely time at our last dinner that they would like to bring Hermione and Pip along, as well. Surely I would love to see Hermione and meet Pip.

Now, Hermione is not a close friend of my daughter’s, but the two are somewhat “friendly” and we have been good friends with the couple for many years. This last is part of my difficulty: Until this episode, we have always gotten on very well, and I do not want to spoil the friendship.

I was rendered absolutely speechless. The next several thoughts that came to my mind were rejected (“Yes, bring Hermione and her little friend along; I will set a children’s table in the kitchen for them”). Finally I stammered that I could perhaps squeeze in a couple of extra chairs, but Hermione should know that there would be no one her age at the dinner. (I hoped this was code for “I don’t have room at the table and my adult daughter has a social life separate from her parents and will not be in attendance.”)

In sharing my dilemma with another friend, I was told she had experienced similar difficulties -- in her case, it was extra guests for a wedding reception. She, too, caved without much resistance and made arrangements to accommodate the extra guests, but at a price.

Miss Manners, I know the couple in question was completely out of bounds and I am not seeking your opinion of their behavior. My question is how one might graciously tell a friend that uninvited guests are -- well -- not invited.

GENTLE READER: If you folks are going to keep caving, Miss Manners cannot help you.

Sorry. She does not mean to sound cross. But she keeps pointing out that there are polite ways to say no, and that there is no limit to the amount of trouble people will get themselves into if they don’t learn how to do this.

Yours is a comparatively easy case. You are not being pressured to do something immoral or illegal. There may even be occasions -- large, informal gatherings -- at which you might welcome the friends of friends, although the choice would absolutely still be yours.

For a seated dinner, it is outrageous that you were even asked. Your response should have been, “I’m so sorry; we would love to see them another time.” No excuse is necessary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it appropriate to wear a bow tie?

GENTLE READER: With evening clothes, or when you are teaching freshman chemistry.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)