DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are hosting a sit-down dinner in our home. I have hired a chef and bartender to make the evening as smooth and pleasant as possible. We have done this a few times before, and the evenings have been well-received by guests. I believe we all had a lovely time.

However, since it is a plated dinner, there are practical limitations to the size of the guest list -- both physical space at the table and my budget for the event.

We invited a couple who RSVP’d for themselves and also for their adult child and her fiance. These young people are in their 30s, have not lived with their parents in years, and they certainly were not on the invitation.

The couple said they had such a lovely time at our last dinner that they would like to bring Hermione and Pip along, as well. Surely I would love to see Hermione and meet Pip.

Now, Hermione is not a close friend of my daughter’s, but the two are somewhat “friendly” and we have been good friends with the couple for many years. This last is part of my difficulty: Until this episode, we have always gotten on very well, and I do not want to spoil the friendship.

I was rendered absolutely speechless. The next several thoughts that came to my mind were rejected (“Yes, bring Hermione and her little friend along; I will set a children’s table in the kitchen for them”). Finally I stammered that I could perhaps squeeze in a couple of extra chairs, but Hermione should know that there would be no one her age at the dinner. (I hoped this was code for “I don’t have room at the table and my adult daughter has a social life separate from her parents and will not be in attendance.”)

In sharing my dilemma with another friend, I was told she had experienced similar difficulties -- in her case, it was extra guests for a wedding reception. She, too, caved without much resistance and made arrangements to accommodate the extra guests, but at a price.

Miss Manners, I know the couple in question was completely out of bounds and I am not seeking your opinion of their behavior. My question is how one might graciously tell a friend that uninvited guests are -- well -- not invited.

GENTLE READER: If you folks are going to keep caving, Miss Manners cannot help you.

Sorry. She does not mean to sound cross. But she keeps pointing out that there are polite ways to say no, and that there is no limit to the amount of trouble people will get themselves into if they don’t learn how to do this.

Yours is a comparatively easy case. You are not being pressured to do something immoral or illegal. There may even be occasions -- large, informal gatherings -- at which you might welcome the friends of friends, although the choice would absolutely still be yours.

For a seated dinner, it is outrageous that you were even asked. Your response should have been, “I’m so sorry; we would love to see them another time.” No excuse is necessary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it appropriate to wear a bow tie?

GENTLE READER: With evening clothes, or when you are teaching freshman chemistry.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve got this roommate who goes into the restroom in the morning -- not a problem. But he goes in, and for 30 minutes to an hour, he does not make a sound. Sometimes he eats ice cream. Reads books. Does whatever weird things.

So he’s literally wasted an hour in there, and he’s now going to “interact“ with the shower -- he sometimes runs it for no reason, and other times does use it. But this adds another 30 minutes.

Is this too long, in terms of etiquette? How should I confront him about this issue?

GENTLE READER: Oddly enough, etiquette never got around to issuing a bathroom timetable. Nor does it take an interest, as you so keenly do, in the activities that go on inside.

Therefore the only possible question for Miss Manners to consider is what you should do when you need to use the bathroom and your roommate shows no signs of relinquishing it.

Well, you bang on the door and say, “I really need to get in there.” And you find a less urgent time to work out a schedule that will enable him to enjoy himself without making life difficult for you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have inherited some lovely jewelry. I would very much like to wear it, both for its beauty and for its association with the dear relative who left it to me. However, it seems distasteful to wear it so soon after her death, especially the pieces that she wore often and that will remind others of her.

Is there an appropriate mourning period after which it will be acceptable to wear it? Or do I need to have it redesigned so it will not be recognizable? That would make me sad, since I cherish her memory and would like to continue to be reminded of her through the jewelry she wore. But I don’t want to distress others or look like a grave robber.

GENTLE READER: You will look, Miss Manners assures you, as if you are honoring your relative by cherishing the jewelry she wanted you to enjoy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have seen different replies to this question: Is it proper etiquette to have the groom’s sister stand up in the wedding?

The groom and his sister are not close. Until two years ago, they didn’t even speak. She is insistent that she should stand up, and it is “proper etiquette” to have her. In the five years that the future bride and groom went out, the bride has just recently met her.

GENTLE READER: Sorry, but you have not been seeing “proper etiquette,” nor does the bridegroom’s sister sound as if she knows any.

Genuine etiquette authority is purposely vague about who should be in the wedding party, only suggesting that they be people who are important to the bridal couple. A bonus would be the ever-present stipulation underlying all manners: to avoid hurting people unnecessarily.

Just as Miss Manners cannot know who is important to any individual couple, she cannot know whether the family damage done in excluding this etiquette-free sister would be worth it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 13-year-old son is lucky enough to have a large group of friends. Two, in particular, stay at our house all weekend, almost every weekend. They are good boys with excellent manners.

The problem? It’s overwhelming, financially and logistically, to feed two extra boys every weekend. I work nights as a nurse, my husband has a demanding job, and we have four sons (one of whom is a toddler).

I once asked the parents to pick their children up mid-weekend because we were overwhelmed, and one of the fathers told his son that we “didn’t want him there.” Because our house is so busy, we often get takeout, but even cooking for these boys is becoming too much for my budget and my time.

I don’t want to hurt the boys’ feelings, but I’d like the parents to contribute financially or by offering to help feed the boys. How do I do so without repeating what happened last time I asked the parents for help?

GENTLE READER: Every weekend? Don’t these parents ever see their children?

Miss Manners recommends that you politely point this out: “We love having the boys over, but you must miss them when they are gone every weekend. If you want to work out a schedule so that we can share the pleasure, that would be wonderful.” That they should be reciprocating is a given, but it may be more effective to prey on their parental embarrassment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the past, I have given expecting co-workers a baby gift. In the unfortunate event that the mother suffers a miscarriage, sometimes the gift has been returned to me. Other than expressing my sincere sympathy again, what should my response be?

I understand that the mother might not want the reminder of the loss (for instance, keeping the gift for a future baby), but I also have no use for it. I would not feel comfortable giving these items to another person, especially someone the mother might know, where she might see the gift used. These gifts are chosen -- or sometimes handmade -- for that particular mother/baby.

What’s best for the grieving parents to do with gifts in this case? And what’s the best response to the mother for a returned gift under these circumstances?

I have been donating the items to charity. Would it be appropriate to tell them, or let the charity notify them, that this was done in memory of their child? Not for me to get “credit,” but as a comfort that their child’s loss at least benefited another.

GENTLE READER: Generally, presents that are given for a specific event should be returned if the event does not take place. But given the circumstances, Miss Manners hopes that grieving parents will be forgiven if that does not happen.

Present givers should not expect them back, nor should they go into detail about plans for items that are given back but are not returnable to a store. Donations made in their name, however well-intentioned, are in questionable taste at best. That is a decision that should only be made by the mourners.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)