DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed that you are big on thank-you notes for everything.

You stay the night, you send a thank-you note.

You have dinner with somebody, you send a note.

You receive a gift, you send a note.

If I was expecting a thank-you note from everybody who ever spent the night at my house, I would have to get a mailbox the size of a mid-sized car. My teenager had company all the time, and I was always thanked and hugged. I never expected a written thank-you note. That would just be overkill, because the same people were present 80 percent of the time.

Same with gifts. Same with dinner. I never sent thank-you notes and my friends never did, either. We were always just happy with a verbal “thank you.”

Why is it so important to send a thank-you note? Isn’t that just a little too much thanking? This just seems like an unnecessary process if you are sincerely saying “thank you” at the time of services rendered.

My house and all my friends’ houses are open doors. We never have formal dinners; we have great fellowship at our get-togethers with lots of laughing and warm feelings.

I do send a thank-you email to my family when they host a big holiday party, and let them know that they did a great job and all was appreciated. Can you help me understand why I differ in my responses to my friends for their hospitality?

GENTLE READER: Yes, if you give Miss Manners one moment to ponder a world in which there is “too much thanking.” She is having trouble imagining such a sublime thing.

If you did not understand the pleasure of receiving written thanks, you would not be sending them to your family.

The rule for thanking people for presents is to respond in kind. If someone sends one through the mail and is not there to see you open it, you send a letter. For ones handed out in person, verbal thanks are generally enough (unless it is a significant piece of jewelry or an otherwise extraordinary -- or costly -- present).

For meals and overnight stays, it is dependent on the ceremony of the occasion. A formal dinner party requires a formal, written thank-you note. Pizza back at the house does not.

An open house situation, such as you described, is middle ground. Since there is ample reciprocation with you and your friends, verbal thanks are generally enough. However, if that situation were to become one-sided and a guest stayed for a longer period of time, a letter of thanks -- and even a present, for which the receiver would then have to thank the sender -- would again be required.

Whew. Got all that? Complicated as it may sound, it really is not. And Miss Manners still maintains that it is far better than a world without gratitude.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our son and daughter-in-law are expecting our first grandchild. On the shower invitation (hosted by her sister), it listed stores at which they have registered. As a frame of reference, I decided to see what type of things they were requesting.

To my horror, they were requesting an $850 stroller, a $900 crib, a $1,100 baby dresser, an $800 rocking chair and many other high-priced items to furnish their baby’s nursery.

I realize things have changed over the past 20 to 30 years since I had children, but I found it classless and greedy. I mentioned it to my son, and he said that he “sort of participated” and “this is what everyone does.” He said they were encouraged to register for everything so they could receive a discount on items they didn’t get from the shower.

Needless to say, I have had differences with my daughter-in-law’s casual attitude when spending and speaking for other people’s money. She doesn’t seem to have any qualms about asking for everything she wants.

Unless they are flowing in money we don’t know about, or have a very skewed perspective of what’s important, I’d be hard-pressed to believe they would spend $1,100 on a baby dresser if they don’t get it as a gift. What is the etiquette on baby registries?

GENTLE READER: Your son is about to get first-hand experience in why neither his nor his wife’s behavior makes for a comfortable home.

Let us assume that your son meant that he “sort of participated” in the selection of the registry items, and not in creating the impending grandchild. He will not be charmed when little Liam is himself old enough to avoid responsibility by saying he wasn’t there when it happened, that “everyone does it,” and that it was his sister Olivia’s (in this case the store’s) fault.

As to your daughter-in-law’s behavior, Miss Manners considers baby registries to be the etiquette equivalent of childish grocery store demands for chocolate breakfast cereal, ice cream and checkout-line candy. Being the grandparent, it is your prerogative to be blissfully unaware of all these newfangled ideas and to bring whatever present you think pleasing and appropriate.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother lives in another state, about three hours away. His father-in-law, a man I have spent time with on a number of occasions, has died after a lengthy illness. My brother never called to say that he died, or when or where the receiving hours or funeral were. But his wife did post information to her Facebook page. What is my responsibility in this situation?

GENTLE READER: In an ideal world, you would express your condolences on your brother’s and his wife’s loss, apologize for missing the funeral and excuse yourself by explaining that you were unaware of the death -- all without implicitly criticizing them for failing to inform you.

The last is particularly challenging, because your brother’s wife may believe that the social media posting was the announcement, a point on which Miss Manners and she disagree. However, since one generally wishes to comfort mourners, not make them feel worse, she advises you to stick to the first two and let items three and four pass without comment.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My nephew and his friend planned to drive to another state for a college dance when the friend’s mother came forward with airplane tickets for both boys. After they’d accepted, the mother requested $200 from my nephew to cover the cost of the ticket she’d bought for him.

He paid her off in installments, but I found this profoundly unfair, since she presented him with the bill after the fact. While his friend is quite wealthy, my nephew is working his way through college.

I wanted to give him advice on how to handle such a situation, if he’s unlucky enough to have it happen again in the future, but I was at a loss.

GENTLE READER: It is rude to inquire of a would-be gift-giver if one should expect a bill. This is unfortunate, given how many people these days appear to be confused about the underlying concept.

But Miss Manners has a simpler solution. When asked about the airplane ticket, your nephew should have politely refused on the grounds that he could not accept such an expensive gift. This would have clarified the terms of the proposed gift, while preventing him from being tricked into an expense he could ill afford.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother-in-law passed away suddenly, and his wife is planning to have a “celebration of life” memorial. That’s fine.

However, she and her husband were party people, and so are their friends. The memorial she is planning is described as a “happy” party.

Most of the extended family are not drinkers and prefer not to attend an event that will consist of what we anticipate will be heavy drinking. I think we should attend, sit in the back with our sodas, and remember my brother-in-law more quietly, just by being there.

Much of the rest of the family doesn’t want to drive all the way there and back (six hours each way) just to sit around watching people drink. There’s some discussion of having a more somber (and sober) memorial closer to home for the family.

I think this shows disrespect to our lost loved one and his wife (though I’d prefer to attend that myself). Suggestions on what we should do?

GENTLE READER: Picking a fight with the principal mourner after a funeral is no more productive than picking a fight with a bride. Less so, as the mourner is often more sympathetic -- and more likely to burst into tears.

This is not to say that the mourner is acting intelligently or responsibly. The increasingly common practice of throwing a party smacks of celebrating the death, and while this may not bother your brother-in-law’s wife, it understandably grates on other relatives’ nerves.

The distant relatives may send heartfelt condolences -- and apologies -- in place of themselves. As a closer relative, you may have to frown and bear it, especially if your brother-in-law’s wife is also your sister.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)