DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m usually adept and at ease when entertaining or being entertained, but for some time I’ve noticed a perplexing problem when dining at friends’ homes.

I’m often offered whipped cream, butter, a Coke, etc., only to be served fake “whipped cream” and “butter” right out of a plastic tub! (The containers are the least of it.) The “Coke” has occasionally been a no-calorie, store-brand carbonated beverage that in no way could be mistaken for a “Coke.”

The worst was when a friend suddenly went on a low-sodium diet and didn’t salt ANY of the dishes she cooked for a dinner party. The entire table was surreptitiously looking around, trying to see if anyone else noticed the food had no taste at all. When someone timidly asked for salt, a shaker was produced that contained a bitter salt substitute. Ugh.

My friends are educated, reasonable people. Shouldn’t they be honest about what they are actually offering? Doesn’t a hostess have a responsibility to have on hand things that people actually like, even if she doesn’t?

And what is the correct thing to do when the misnamed item is in front of you and you know it will ruin whatever you’re about to eat? (I’m not a food snob, but let’s call a spade a spade. A tub of “yellow something” isn’t butter!)

GENTLE READER: How was the company? Or did you not look up from your disappointing plate?

These are your friends, not your chefs. If they were selling that food, you would be justified in criticizing the ingredients. But they invited you into their homes at a time when few people entertain, partly because of the problem of dealing with food fussing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had lunch with an old college friend. We are not super close, but always find time to meet up if we happen to be in the same neck of the woods.

After lunch (we each paid), we took a stroll through a shopping center. When we came across a store selling Easter gifts -- candy, baskets, soft toys, etc. -- he decided to pick up some gifts for his mother, grandmother, sister, ex-girlfriend and his secretary.

I kind of felt left out. I do not think he should have purchased me an extravagant gift like the one he bought for his mother, but I do think it would have been polite of him to have purchased a token gift for me. Was I wrong to feel this way?

GENTLE READER: Why accompanying someone who is shopping should entitle you to part of the take, Miss Manners fails to understand. She is unfamiliar with the notion that having lunch with a not-super-close friend -- or even a close one -- is a promotion to family, worthy of commemoration. But if it is, you were in the same stores. Did it occur to you to buy him a present?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone asks you to dance, is it impolite to say no?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but it is not rude to say “I’m sitting this one out” or “I promised this dance to someone, and he should be here momentarily.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My closest friend, who is 23 years my senior and does not have children of her own, has shared with me on my recent birthday that she and her second husband have included me in their will. I’ve been told that I will be receiving one-fourth of their estate -- an equal share to her husband’s three children.

Firstly, I have discovered with this announcement that the thought of losing my best friend is utterly heartbreaking. Wrapping my creative mind around her not being in my life has been a journey in itself.

I have already begun a small grieving process, as well as shoring my strength for speaking at her funeral. Preparation, I know, is healthy, builds character, and will allow me to discuss different aspects of her passing while she is still vibrant.

The announcement has now had almost four weeks to settle in, and I feel I must write a letter of thanks or acknowledgment. But I do not want to insult her generosity. I feel I cannot discuss this with anyone close, for the knowledge of wealth transference seems to bring out the worst in people. I’m looking for honest advisement on how to proceed.

GENTLE READER: Is your friend’s death imminent? Or is she merely steeling you for the inevitable?

It seems to Miss Manners that you have indicated the latter -- and that you need not work yourself up quite so intensely, quite so soon. With any luck, it will be a long journey -- and yours is a difficult momentum to keep up.

However, since you are so moved, you may certainly write a letter telling your friend how much she means to you, and that while you do not like to think about losing her, her announcement has touched you deeply.

And then let it go. Surely, neither you nor your friend want to spend the duration of your relationship fretting about its demise.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A co-worker from another country visited our location in the U.S. for several weeks. When he first came here, his command of English was somewhat limited. His English improved significantly during his stay.

On his last day, when he came by my office to say goodbye, I found myself tempted to mention how much his English usage had improved. I bit my tongue, since I’d heard that it’s not proper to make personal observations of this type, even though it’s complimentary, since it could be taken the wrong way. Was this the right thing to do, or would it have been OK to say something?

GENTLE READER: Personal comments, even complimentary ones, on someone’s body or hygienic habits are not proper in the workplace.

But observations and compliments on personal achievements are -- especially, Miss Manners cautions, when they directly relate to the job being done. Just be sure that they are not prefaced by pointing out how terrible the person was at that skill in the first place.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I respond to co-workers who wear earbuds?

I start talking to them without realizing they have these gadgets plugged into their ears. They miss half of what I am saying, and then I have to repeat myself. I find this very frustrating.

GENTLE READER: These co-workers should convey a signal (pointing to their ears, half-embarrassed, half-apologetic) so that unsuspecting conversationalists are forewarned.

In lieu of that, Miss Manners suggests that you make up your own system of sign language as you approach them (one arm outstretched in questioning mode, one finger pointing to your mouth) so that you are not continually forced to repeat yourself. It would also not be remiss for you to start going to someone else with any important issues, so as to discourage any non-work-related earbud activity.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a freelance singer/stage director and music activist. I also do some voice coaching. People will introduce me as “a voice teacher,” or even worse, as “a music teacher.” How can I avoid these embarrassing situations without seeming ungracious? Should I just tell them in advance what to say? Seems kind of egotistical!

GENTLE READER: Your accurate title is quite a mouthful -- and Miss Manners confesses that she is not entirely sure of its meaning. Others, no doubt, feel similarly. That you find the title of “music/vocal teacher” to be embarrassing is ungracious, but not for the reasons you state. Miss Manners suggest that you come up with a succinct way of describing your professions that satisfies you. But she permits you no more than three words to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband has been diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy. In addition to his life-threatening situation, we are dealing with an etiquette dilemma.

A woman from our church keeps bringing us casseroles, which are always very large and very terrible. None of us can eat them, so we end up throwing them out.

The problem is, this lady thinks of herself as a good cook and always asks how we liked her casseroles.

I don’t want to hurt her feelings, and have told her how nice she is to bring them (true). I have finally settled on saying, “There’s nothing like a good home-cooked meal.”

But what I really want is for her to stop bringing them. This is not a close friend, just a casual acquaintance, and I don’t know why she has made our family the focus of her charitable contributions. But she is adding stress to our already stressful situation. Is there any nice way to discourage her?

GENTLE READER: “You are so thoughtful to cook for us, but Herbert has such a limited appetite. Since it is only the two of us, I’m afraid we are still eating the previous casseroles you so kindly made for us.” While Miss Manners fears that this may not discourage the woman completely, with any luck, it will at least temporarily delay her production.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)