DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone has put forth the effort to surprise me with a present, I prefer to express my gratitude in a handwritten note. Sometimes, however, I receive a gift that has been shipped to me.

Is it out of place to send an email thank-you immediately so they know I have received their surprise? Such an email would, of course, be followed with the preferred handwritten correspondence.

GENTLE READER: What is your hurry?

Although she insists on prompt thank-you letters, Miss Manners does not understand the necessity for instantaneous ones. Assuming a reasonable response time, no sensible giver would quibble over the one or two days taken by the mail.

As she agrees that the letter of thanks, not the email, is the genuine article, she suspects that your concern -- which is shared by many of her Gentle Readers -- has been shaped by the corporate world. Watching on one’s computer as a package fitfully wends its way across the country, or on one’s cellphone as the car makes multiple wrong turns trying to find you, are now everyday occurrences.

Miss Manners is mystified why customers are content with documentation of incompetence in place of speedier delivery, but she notes that they are nevertheless conditioned to waiting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who brought up a disgusting topic at lunch. I told her I had a very weak stomach and to please talk about something else. She continued her conversation, so I picked up my lunch and went to another room to eat.

Today she insisted on talking about “chicken poop” at the lunch table. She giggled when she realized it had ruined my lunch. She thinks it is cute. I think it is rude. Am I being too sensitive?

GENTLE READER: As your co-worker’s enjoyment of her own unseemly behavior only works with an audience, you are right to deprive her of one. Reasoning with her is clearly ineffective.

But Miss Manners suggests also depriving her of the pleasure of appearing to shock you, by picking up your food and leaving with merely a muted, resigned disappointment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My manager lost his mother this morning. In his email informing us of his bereavement (and the fact that he’ll be out of the office), he clearly mentioned, “No condolences necessary.”

What is the proper etiquette in this situation? Do I respect his wishes and act completely normal (which seems rude), or do I send him a personal note?

GENTLE READER: People in your manager’s situation are sometimes not entirely sure what they want. Miss Manners does not say this as a preface to suggesting you ignore his wishes, but rather as a warning that whatever you do is equally likely to offend.

He may well consider it rude of you to ignore the death of his mother; he may also take umbrage at flowers expressing your sadness at the news. The safest course is the middle one: Omit the usual handwritten note to his home (complying with his request), but respond to his email saying how sorry you are (thereby showing sympathy) and asking if there is anything you can take care of for him in the office during his absence.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a graduate student, renting a house (that I fully furnish). To help reduce my expenses, I sublet the other rooms to grad students like myself.

I have always told my housemates that I have no problem with occasional houseguests coming for a short period, provided they give prior notice and don’t overstay their welcome. For the most part, my housemates have been considerate, but this past weekend has me stumped.

One of them had a friend and her boyfriend come to stay for the weekend. When I entered the house and saw the couple, no one offered any formal introductions. The couple basically ignored me, even though I was in the same room they were all in.

The next morning, I was in the kitchen and one of the visitors came downstairs, started opening up the cupboards and proceeded to ask me where the glasses were. Again, no “good morning,” no introduction. Just, “Where are the glasses?” (Which are all mine, by the way.)

I am appalled. In the Caribbean, where I’m from, it is customary when you are visiting someone’s home to bring a small token of gratitude for all the residents of the house, e.g., a bottle of wine or such. You introduce yourself to all inhabitants you meet while in the home (or at the very least, you say “Good morning” if you see them), and you take your friends out to dinner to thank them for their hospitality.

I have noticed a trend with folks coming to stay and treating the house like a hotel and me like the staff. Has this always been the “norm”? I was really offended by this experience.

GENTLE READER: While she cannot condone the rudeness of ignoring a person standing (in this case, also sleeping) nearby, Miss Manners notes that your housemates are your tenants, and their guests are not your guests.

If you are a host, why are you charging rent? If you are a landlord, why do you expect gifts?

As the social pattern doesn’t work, you should try a professional approach. Written instructions about use of the facilities, either distributed or posted, may not be necessary. But asking your tenants to introduce you to their guests -- or introducing yourself if you meet them alone -- would be a start.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I occasionally invite a friend or friends to join me at a restaurant in order to use a coupon. The coupon has an expiration date, so I mention this when issuing the invitation.

If my friend can’t go on the date I suggest, he or she will usually say, “I’ll let you know a date when I can go.” Time passes, the coupon is about to expire, so I begin to wonder whether it is better to prompt the friend or extend the invitation to someone else. What is the correct thing to do?

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners prohibits rescinding invitations, this is not applicable. Your initial invitation was rejected. You need only express sadness that that date did not work out, and agree that you would be happy to do some other, non-coupon activity on a more convenient date.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don’t understand people who feel the need to point out obvious things. My husband and I were walking through a park one day, and he dropped his sunglasses. When he was already kneeling down to pick them up, a woman walked past us and told him, “You dropped your glasses.”

Of course he had realized this.

Another example was when I entered a store after rain had suddenly started. Someone informed me, “You got caught in the rain.” I was aware of this.

How should one respond when a person makes such a useless statement?

GENTLE READER: “Yes, I did (drop my glasses/get caught in the rain)!” -- as if they were bright children who had guessed right.

Just as silly, but even more annoying, are those who feel obliged to point out to you that you are tall or short or red-haired or blond. For them, Miss Manners suggests a wide-eyed “REALLY?”

Upping the unpleasantness even more are the people who inform you that you are too fat or too thin. The response to that should be, “How kind of you to say so.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our daughter is getting married next June. She and her fiance are already living together. We plan to purchase a post-ceremony wedding announcement in the newspaper.

While reading current announcements for ideas, we’ve noticed a variation on the “After a wedding trip to Bora Bora, the couple will reside in Podunk” phrasing. Apparently, couples who already share a home are using: “After a wedding trip to Bora Bora, the couple reside in Podunk.” Aside from the grammar issue, is this language appropriate?

GENTLE READER: “Aside from the grammar issue”? What could be more important?

Anyway, the traditional wording is that a bridal couple “will be at home” in Podunk after the wedding trip. Miss Manners notices that this does not specify whether they were “at home” there before the wedding, as well.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the paternal grandmother, and I hosted a meet-and-greet for our grandson. I hired a photographer and planned a day of making memories, mostly for the paternal great-grandparents.

Maternal grandparents want pictures. I say no. Our grandson lives three hours away, and we see him maybe once a month. They see him via FaceTime every day, every weekend, and never share with us. Am I wrong?

GENTLE READER: Is this a competition to see which grandparents are the least agreeable? If you want to win that, Miss Manners hopes you will at least provide the other grandparents with the name of the photographer so they can order the pictures.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a professional 50-year-old woman who works in a veterinary medical office. Another professional gentleman around the same age, who does some work in our office, has started to occasionally call me “hon“ and “honey.”

I find this very offensive, but am unsure how to gracefully let him know my feelings. I have to work with this person and do not want to make our relationship awkward in the future, as I do not think he’s doing it to purposely demean me.

GENTLE READER: You can say kindly, “I’m guessing you’re having trouble remembering my name.” Miss Manners assures you that being thought forgetful will make more of an impression on the gentleman than being thought forward.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)