DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you recommend to start emails for business, and for personal messages? And how to sign off?

I often see “Hi” as the start and “Thank you” as the ending, and sometimes that just doesn’t feel right.

GENTLE READER: Emails cover a wide range of formality. Therefore the recipients and subject matter must always be considered when using salutations -- and they may even be excluded altogether, once you are deep into the exchange.

“Hi,” although becoming commonplace, still strikes Miss Manners as being cheeky, or at least too breezy for business correspondence. And “thank you” is premature when accompanying a request.

Treat formal emails as you would letters -- using “Dear” and “Yours truly” for business, and more affectionate terms for your personal affairs. Miss Manners will leave those to your own discretion, depending on the degree of intimacy -- and the relative privacy of your internet connection.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When eating a pastry (doughnut, muffin, cupcake) in public, should you eat it with a knife and fork?

GENTLE READER: These are classified as finger food, so you will be considered amusing to do so. However, Miss Manners notes that you will also avoid getting cream on your nose.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two of my former next-door neighbors (elderly father and 50-something daughter) have passed away. It was very tragic, and I expressed my condolences online soon after I heard the news. But I also wanted to send a card, and now it’s been a couple of months.

I am visiting in their family’s town, right next door to them. Would it be inappropriate to send the card at this time? I really regret not having sent it sooner, and I really would like to express how I feel. I think it may also be an opportunity to pay a welcome visit.

GENTLE READER: It is never too late to express sympathy for a death. Its subject is unfortunately not going anywhere.

However, since some time has now passed, a full letter, something more substantial than just a card, would be kind. Especially if your intention is also to visit the mourners past the reasonable time for a condolence call.

Do so, saying that you would like to pay a call on them when it is convenient. Miss Manners cautions you, however, against using the letter as an announcement that that visit is a foregone conclusion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I dine out often, and never cease to be amazed when restaurant servers feel compelled to comment on how much of our meal we’ve eaten.

We’ve heard comments like “You really killed that,” “You must have hated that,” and “Wow, you must have really been hungry.”

These type of comments have ruined more than a few otherwise pleasant meals. I would think that restaurant management would stress the need for appropriate communications with customers. What is the proper response to such boorish and unprofessional comments?

GENTLE READER: “How kind of you, with the work you have to do, to take the time to watch how I eat.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A co-worker called me out because I do not respond to her “good morning” greeting by saying “good morning” as well, although I do acknowledge her greeting. I was more than a little upset with her stance that I was responding inappropriately, because she takes the attitude that she is always right about such things.

However, this same pillar of politeness speaks with her mouth full of food -- often. It’s frankly annoying and disgusting. And neither of us is a youngster; we are both well over 50 and should know better.

How can I (politely) point out her lack of manners? I’m a little uncomfortable stating, “Imogene, please stop talking with your mouth full.”

GENTLE READER: Interesting that while you objected to this co-worker correcting your manners, you are enlisting Miss Manners to help you to do the same. She is more than happy to do so, she just wants some acknowledgment of the duplicity.

“I am so sorry that I caught you while you were eating. I will come back at a more convenient time” is a polite way to ask her to finish her food before talking.

Not for nothing, “good morning” can reasonably be expected to be responded to in kind.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate for a bride to dictate her bridesmaids’ shoe color (e.g. requiring all bridesmaids wear silver shoes)? I’ve read wedding etiquette articles that suggest bridesmaids are responsible for buying their own attire of the bride’s choosing, but I’m not sure whether or not this includes footwear.

GENTLE READER: It should not, but seeing as brides also like to dictate hairstyles, makeup and the visibility of any tattoos or piercings, Miss Manners is sure that they feel entitled to mandate this expensive detail, as well. She suggests that you rally your fellow bridesmaids to offer the bride a choice from the range of shoe colors that are already in your closets.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in a situation where I live out of the country part of the time. It is pretty homogeneous here in this other country, and I do not look like them. It is pretty obvious that I am a foreigner because of my race, height, language, etc.

When I am walking, people will just stop and stare, take photos, videos, point, try to touch me, reach for my hair, you name it. I try to ignore it or turn away from the photos. Is there another way to address this without using words? There is a language barrier, also.

GENTLE READER: Short of wearing a hat with a low brim and sunglasses (which will probably attract even more attention, as onlookers will assume you are a celebrity), your only choice seems to be to use words. Miss Manners advises you to learn how to say “no, thank you” in the appropriate foreign language. If you are living in another country part-time, surely these words will not go to waste.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a small community, where I am actively involved with a political party that is by far the minority. I consider myself reasonably well-versed in politics, and I am happy to have a civil conversation about it if a person seems genuinely interested in an open exchange of ideas.

But of course, most people are far more interested in telling me why their view is right than in actually participating in a productive discussion. I generally avoid political conversations in social situations such as church and family gatherings, and as a result, many people know me for years before learning my political affiliation.

How should I react when people learn of that affiliation, and immediately express scorn or begin trying to explain to me why I am wrong before even bothering to learn my personal views? I refuse to be drawn into hotheaded political arguments, because they seem like the surest way to end a genial relationship. But by leaving these attacks unanswered, I’m afraid some of my acquaintances are beginning to view me as dim-witted.

GENTLE READER: As that appears to be the result regardless, it seems to Miss Manners that not engaging involves far less effort and preserves more friendships. So does changing the subject.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Online fundraising has gone viral, and I am at my wits’ end. Friends importune me for money to go on trips, to go back to school, to get married, to create babies (no joke), and even to replace stolen personal equipment that people once insured against loss.

I have occasionally participated, usually either when I knew the people personally or when it was a terrible tragedy, well-documented in the media.

I’m at the point now that I try to ignore new fundraising projects, since any critique of such begging, however gently phrased, is interpreted as “insulting” to those who are presumed to be in such dire need (although the truly desperate circumstances are curiously rare).

Miss Manners, could you please wade into the fray and remind these people that it was once considered shameful to accept charity that was freely offered, even during desperate times such as the Great Depression? The idea of able-bodied people begging for handouts would have appalled our great-grandparents.

GENTLE READER: It would have indeed. The modern solution of “coping” with “negative emotions” -- Miss Manners is thinking specifically of shame and guilt -- by banishing them is foolish. They exist for a reason, namely, to discourage recidivism.

Proper shame at improper behavior, which certainly includes the solvent importuning their friends and neighbors for cash, has value. On a more practical note, people who have suppressed their own ability to feel shame should not be surprised if they find their intended victims impervious to guilt.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece invited me over to dinner, and she made fried chicken, along with some side dishes. The chicken wasn’t too good.

Should I share with her that her entree wasn’t good so she will know this? Or should I just be quiet and be appreciative that at least she tried?

GENTLE READER: No; try being grateful for your niece’s effort. And for the side dishes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)