DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I are liberals and quite accepting of others’ views. My father-in-law is extremely conservative, to the point of listening to far-right programming exclusively.

My son adores his grandpa and loves to spend time at his house, which is a stone’s throw away from ours. In the course of his visits, my father-in-law has expressed to my son his views about particular politicians he thinks are ”ruining” our country, and about gay marriage, gays in the military and abortion.

I cannot abide this, and I want it to stop. I have expressed this to my wife, who has passed this on to him. He was upset, but said he would accept it and stop talking politics to my son.

Now I have the feeling he does not like me or my beliefs. We have had a fairly good relationship for the last 20 years, but now it feels strained.

Should I leave things be or approach him and discuss this problem? I almost think it might be better to let sleeping dogs lie. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That he disliked your beliefs before you spoke up, and that you are not “quite accepting” of his. Miss Manners is afraid that you are far from the only family struggling to maintain harmony despite divisive politics.

You cannot make amends by repeating your objections. But you can make a point of saying how much your son enjoys time with his grandfather, and that he is just too young to understand political issues and the different ways people approach them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Yesterday on my commuter train home, a woman sat next to me who reeked of cigarettes. She has sat next to me twice before, and it was extremely unpleasant. This time I rose, murmured “I’m going over there -- it’s the cigarettes,” and sat on one of the jump seats. It was a less comfortable seat, but at least I wasn’t bathed in cigarette fumes.

I fear I have given offense, but I was in a quandary. I could not deny her a seat, because the train was crowded. I did not want to move without explanation, which seemed more offensive. How should I have handled this?

GENTLE READER: Relocating suddenly without a word or telling someone she smells bad -- even in a subdued voice -- are equally bad. But your desire to be considerate, and the lack of any righteous indignation directed at your smelly seatmate, gives Miss Manners confidence that you will be able to execute her third alternative: Get up and, with a distracted air, head towards the exit. Then look out the window, as if just realizing that you are nowhere near your stop, and sit down in the nearest open seat. If this will tax either your patience or your acting ability, continue on to the next car.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I attended a housewarming party at a friend’s new condo, we weren’t surprised when we were asked to remove our shoes at the door. But we were surprised when told that we could not open the bottle of red wine that we had brought to share with others.

When asked why, the host replied that new carpet had just been installed. We were even more surprised to find a sign in the restroom telling male guests to sit, not stand, when using the facilities. Would you have been surprised?

GENTLE READER: Little surprises Miss Manners these days.

Dispensing etiquette lessons to your friends is rude -- and doubly so if the infraction has not yet occurred.

It sounds as if your friend has patronized one too many theaters or restaurants, most of which now routinely post etiquette injunctions such as, “Silence your cellphones during the show” or “Throw discarded paper towels in the trash can.” They do this in the vain hope that the patrons will refrain from antagonizing one another, at least on the premises.

Your friend has no such justification, and you are right to be surprised -- unpleasantly so -- at being admonished not to soil the carpet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a professional job interview at a restaurant, where I was told “we could have an informal interview while we grab a bite to eat.” Thinking that eating a meal might be part of the interview process, I agreed.

At the restaurant, I ordered a small salad and an iced tea. The man interviewing me asked all the expected interview questions, and I felt I managed them all -- as well as all etiquette requirements.

At the end of the meal, the interviewer figured my portion of the bill, plus tax and tip, and asked for it in cash. I was flummoxed, and soon realized the “interview” was just a ploy to get reimbursed for his “business expense.”

I never heard from the interviewer again, even when I called to inquire about the job. I did pay my share of the bill, but had to dig into my rent money to do so. What should I have done? What can I do to avoid this in the future?

GENTLE READER: That you evidently have nothing more to expect from the interviewer is disappointing, but it makes it easier to address your specific complaint.

Write to the interviewer’s boss, reviewing the facts of your application and your interest in the company. Your stated purpose in writing will be to learn if the position is still available, since you assume, from the lack of follow-up, that the interviewer is either no longer on the search or no longer employed by the company.

You may then say that you were surprised that the interviewer asked you to pay for an interview lunch, but assume that is not regular company policy. In future, it should be straightforward to avoid scheduling interviews at meal times.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I believe that when one is hosting a large party, it is his or her responsibility to greet each guest. Does the guest also have a responsibility to say goodbye when leaving?

Over the years, I’ve attended many weddings, showers and graduation parties, and after I’ve had my share of polite mingling with both the host and other guests, I usually slide out inconspicuously.

However, recently I was on the flip side of this scenario, and am now questioning my etiquette. I recently hosted an open house for my daughter to celebrate her graduation. Both my daughter and I made sure to greet each guest, but a few left without saying goodbye.

I was a little sad that I didn’t have the opportunity to thank them again for coming. This left me wondering if I’ve been rude all these years by sneaking out of social events. What is the guest’s responsibility?

GENTLE READER: Funny how it requires experiencing what you call the “flip side” to make you realize how flippantly rude you have been all these years. Had you no previous empathy for those who were kind enough to entertain you?

You say that you only want the opportunity to thank your guests for attending. What about the more crucial courtesy of guests thanking the hosts?

Miss Manners hopes that as you have discovered how unpleasant it is to have one’s guests wander in and out as if in a public facility, you will now broadly apply the test of “How would I feel if ...”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct response when someone answers your invitation with “We prefer to be alone that evening”?

GENTLE READER: “Actually, that does sound like a better idea.” (And Miss Manners has toned that down from “Actually, that does sound like more fun for us all.”)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to express to a host known for good cooking, or to a restaurant owner, that the food is delicious?

I find that if I say, “Your food is delicious,” I may be implying that I have the right to judge, which I don’t. I tend to say “I really liked your food” or “I really enjoyed your food,” but that seems to be less of a compliment.

What can I say to convey that I thought the food to be delicious, while letting the host know that I am not in a position to judge, and can only judge with my own palate and tastes?

GENTLE READER: That many people seem to think that using their judgment is rude has always puzzled Miss Manners.

It is rude to offer others your insulting opinions of them. It is rude to offer even flattering opinions if it is not your business to size them up -- personal compliments in a workplace, for example.

But how you can construe it to be presumptuous to voice appreciation of a friend’s hospitality, Miss Manners cannot imagine.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper for a man to shake a female’s hand firmly?

GENTLE READER: Define “firm.” It should not crack the stone in her ring.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)