DEAR MISS MANNERS: I realize we live in an electronic world, where it now seems EVERYTHING is on display. Some young friends of ours have announced their engagement, which is happy news indeed. However, when we next saw them, they insisted on showing us the video of the potential groom asking his intended to be his wife. Allegedly, the woman knew nothing about being filmed until various onlookers popped out of the woodwork to congratulate them. In the video, the poor woman looks slightly terrified.

Am I the only person in the world who finds this tacky? What ever happened to two people sharing private, intimate moments that belong only to them? Must the world witness everything?

GENTLE READER: You are not the only person. There are two of us, but probably not many more.

Nowadays, Plato would have to revise his quotation from Socrates that “the unexamined life is not worth living.” It is now the unpublicized life that is thought to be not worth living. Miss Manners would be wary of continuing to watch the posts of people who believe that the world wants to share their most intimate moments.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have managed a small personnel firm for almost 20 years. Employers from accounting firms to waste-management companies contract my firm to post job vacancies, screen applicants, conduct telephone interviews and present them with a short list of candidates, from which personal interviews are set with the employer. It is a very rewarding profession.

In the last two years, a disturbing trend has emerged: A growing number of candidates have not been showing up for scheduled interviews. There is no call to cancel or reschedule, or to apologize for or explain their absence. Candidates simply fail to appear. One must conclude they have had a change of heart or a more attractive offer has been received.

The candidate has wasted the time of the employer and my team. They have also eliminated themselves from any future opportunities, having proved themselves unreliable.

May I suggest to any job-hunter approaching an interview that if for any reason you decide NOT to proceed, please say so. A simple “I’d like to withdraw my application” is sufficient. Not showing up is not only rude, but could be career-limiting.

GENTLE READER: In return for these people having made it easier for you to eliminate unsuitable candidates, Miss Manners believes you might want to inform them that you are noting in their files that evidently they are not interested in finding jobs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What would be the proper way to change your wedding plans after a “save the date” has been sent out?

We want to have a small, private ceremony with just immediate family. Our “save the date” went out to 140 people. How should we let them know of our change of plans?

GENTLE READER: There is no proper form to say, “We don’t want you at our wedding after all. Sorry if you took time off and bought plane tickets.”

Therefore, Miss Manners urges you to follow your private ceremony with a reception for all whom you have asked to expect to be invited.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son received a gift from a girl for Valentine’s Day (chocolate-covered strawberries and a stuffed bear). He likes her, but had no idea she was planning on getting him a gift.

Should he now buy her a Valentine gift, even if it is after Valentine’s Day? Or just say “thank you very much” and move on? My son is 15 years old and a freshman in high school.

GENTLE READER: And indeed, he may well move on. Or may she.

But a catch-up present is not flattering. Miss Manners would counsel him to wait and see if the mutual liking lasts until Easter, at which time he could surprise her with a chocolate bunny.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, I have become concerned and annoyed with the behavior of charities. I want to support organizations doing public good, both in the United States and around the world, but their activities in three areas are starting to make me reconsider my commitment.

First, almost all of them now send you “free” stuff you do not need or want, and then harass you into paying for it. For instance, I received 22 calendars last year and was inundated with greeting cards and wrapping paper. I try to redistribute this stuff to other folks, but most of it ended up in the recycle bin. I have adopted a new strategy of blacking out my address and marking the package “return to sender.”

Second, the requests for donations have become constant. There is no pause in the “emergency” requests for funds. Even thank-you acknowledgments contain additional requests for funds. Similarly, everything is now phrased in hyperbolic language, indicating that some form of disaster is imminent if my donation is not sent immediately. These multiple appeals have also been personalized, apparently to make you feel guilty if you do not donate.

Finally, there is a proliferation of “charitable” organizations. It seems that everyone wants their own charity. Rather than working to strengthen a current group, they form another niche charity with the accompanying administrators and fundraisers. As a consequence, we have a rapidly increasing number of organizations chasing the same pool of donors. I am afraid this overall pattern of activities threatens the viability of the entire system.

Nonetheless, I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge that there are many well-run charities that do not engage in these practices, three of which I support.

GENTLE READER: Why charities believe that badgering people is effective, Miss Manners has never understood. Maybe because it sometimes is. Annoyance and embarrassment apparently prompt some people to buy their way out.

But she would have thought that those who run charities would be the very people to abhor making things unpleasant for others.

Instead, they commonly harbor the belief that the virtue of working to help those in need cancels the virtue of showing consideration to those who could also help. “But it’s for a good cause,” they argue, when taxed with rudeness.

By no means does Miss Manners wish to discourage charitable contributions. But she dearly hopes that others, like you, choose organizations that do not waste time and money annoying potential contributors.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I would like to hold a formal ball, with no particular occasion attached. How should the invitation be worded? (It will, of course, be engraved -- or thermographed, but Miss Manners must not look too closely.)

If the ladies are to wear ballgowns, must the gentlemen wear black tie? None of the guests likely own a tuxedo, and renting one is a financial burden we would like to avoid putting on them. Finally, we are providing on-site childcare, but I presume that that should not go on a formal invitation, so how do we tell them?

GENTLE READER: A formal invitation (and when it comes to engraving, Miss Manners always looks closely -- she just never speaks of what she finds) should be worded thus:

Mr. and Mrs. LoveToEntertain

Request the Honor of your Company

at Time

at Venue

The bottom left corner of the invitation should state “RSVP” or “The favor of a reply is requested,” with “Black tie” on the right.

As unfair as it may be, “Black tie” (if not the more rare “White tie” with ball dresses) is the proper term for what you describe, both for male and female. However, this one-sidedness does not seem to be confined to the term. Why, in your scenario, is only the male financial burden being considered? Are the female guests (presumably some of them related to the male ones, and in the same financial situation) more likely to have ballgowns lying around?

For the sake of gender equality (and proper etiquette), you must make a decision. Either formal attire for all, or instead, make it a cocktail party where men wear suits and ladies wear knee-length dresses. In that case, “Business attire” would be the proper wording. (“Cocktail attire” is a made-up term.)

As for the childcare, a slip of paper with the information can be tucked into the invitation for guests who have children -- or any who are planning on acting like them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This past year, I’ve seen waitpersons in restaurants delivering my coffee with their hands over the top of the cup, instead of holding it by the handle.

I’ve had to request a new cup of coffee be delivered by holding the handle. Perhaps it’s because they do not want to damage their acrylic nails; however, I find it repugnant to place my lips to a coffee cup where their fingers have previously been. I would think they’d realize this is unsanitary. Or am I being too fastidious?

GENTLE READER: Both. Miss Manners will spare you the images of what far worse practices are likely being performed on your food and drinks behind the scenes.

Ignoring all but visible residue and creepy crawlers is an unfortunate, if necessary, part of dining in public. In your case, if it bothers you that much, ask for a straw. But then suffer the consequences when you are chastised for destroying the relative hygiene of the environment.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)