DEAR MISS MANNERS: I find myself amazed by people’s preconceptions about finicky eaters. I was once told, point blank, that I was a spoiled, snobbish little girl whose parents let me eat whatever I wanted instead of “making you eat what you are given.”

This stunned me completely into silence. My mom made sure my eating habits were healthy. She did not, however, try to force me to eat anything I couldn’t stand. It was not me turning up my nose at food; it was the fact that certain tastes and textures make me literally nauseous.

There is no way to force myself to choke down something without suffering horrible stomach cramps and the possibility of other, even less palatable, results later in the evening. I hope you will post this to help your gentle readers understand us “finicky eaters” a little better.

GENTLE READER: Although there is no doubt that the person who called you spoiled and snobbish was being rude, Miss Manners finds herself wondering what you were saying that these insults silenced.

If it was, “Thank you so much, but no thank you,” you have her approval for your stony silence, in addition to her condemnation of your attacker.

If it was, “There is no way to force myself to choke down something without suffering horrible stomach cramps and the possibility of other, even less palatable, results later in the evening,” she is forced to point out that your own behavior was not above reproach.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance and I were dining at a small pub last night, seated in what were, at the time, the only two bar stools available. We placed our orders and relaxed to enjoy the atmosphere.

Soon after, the seat to my immediate left and the seat to my fiance’s immediate right became available. It was only minutes before two young men raced into our area to ask that my fiance and I slide down a spot (specifically, they asked me) to give the men two seats next to each other.

We complied, but I was a little irritated. We had already chosen our spots, we were expecting food, and yes, childishly, we were their elders and were there first.

Was what these two young men asked rude? Should my fiance and I have foreseen the situation and just moved anyway, once we saw that we could make a pair of seats available? What is the protocol?

GENTLE READER: Sitting at a bar is less formal than seating at a table, and etiquette does expect some understanding for the jostling that necessarily ensues. This means, for example, making room for the customer who needs access to the bartender to order a drink or pay a bill. But it also requires that customer to choose the access point wisely.

The request you describe did not require you to duck drinks or change, and Miss Manners believes that the gracious course of action was to comply. She might reconsider if the relocation required more than sliding a plate 18 inches to the side -- if, for example, the pub were located in a major airport and your European-bound luggage had been painstakingly balanced around the barstools.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am currently dating a lovely young gentleman who is sweet, caring and tall. Recently, however, another gentleman who is much more, shall we say, spicy, has begun paying unasked-for attentions to me.

I do greatly enjoy his company, but in my current relationship, I am unwilling to see him as anything more than a friend. On the other hand, I cannot help but become confused and unsure of my feelings in such a situation. What are your thoughts on the matter?

GENTLE READER: Your current problem -- namely, “Tall or spicy?” -- is not one that etiquette can answer. Once you have made that decision, Miss Manners would be happy to answer the etiquette problem that will inevitably ensue.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I connected with an old girlfriend from way back in the past. She lost her husband several years ago. We have been chatting via email for a while, and things are going great. She is reserved and quiet, but very chatty online.

Neither one of us is on social media. I feel it is time that I asked that we exchange pictures. Should be pretty simple. I guess nerves have got the best of me. What do I say/how do I word it? I guess I’m afraid of scaring her. Silly me.

GENTLE READER: Not having a social media presence has not, unfortunately, inoculated you against some of the less pleasant expectations the online world has created around romance.

It is now often possible to learn the appearance, financial situation and other specifics about a person before actually meeting. But that does not make doing so polite -- or flattering. If you want to know if she looks as good as you remember, you may have to ask her out for coffee. You could accompany the request with “before” and “after” photos of yourself, humorously suggesting that it will help her recognize you when she sees you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Often at lunch, and occasionally at dinner, fast-casual restaurants will serve a meal on a plate with the messiest dish, such as a stew, in a bowl on that plate. The plate is already filled with perhaps salad, beans and rice. Further, the bowl is already up against that rice, and some of the rice has stuck to the bowl.

If I leave the bowl on the plate, it is awkward to eat the other foods. If I set the bowl on the table and use it as a serving bowl, I get rice on the table. What is the proper way to eat such a dinner?

GENTLE READER: Eat one of the outside items until you have cleared enough space that you can then slide the bowl to the edge of the plate (without actually dismounting it). This can be repeated with the remaining foods and containers. As each item is consumed, subsequent maneuvers will become easier. With restaurants making tables smaller and putting them closer together, you may find yourself doing a similar dance on your way out the door. This is not Miss Manners’ idea of an enjoyable evening out, but presumably enough customers like it to justify the practice.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

GENTLE READERS: Now that sexual harassment has been more clearly identified, it would be well to define legitimate courtship.

The very term seems old-fashioned, although there is plenty of evidence that the old pattern is firmly fixed in the imagination. Just look at the stories couples present in their accounts and videos about getting together, now a routine fixture of weddings.

These stories often begin with love at first sight, although the actual first sight may have been while flipping through staged photographs of multiple strangers, probably before reading their other attributes. There is the surprise proposal, with the gentleman down on his knees proffering a diamond ring while the lady is beside herself with astonishment, although the question of marriage has likely been long debated in their mutual household. And there is the declaration of how eager they are to begin their new lives together -- although not before they have spent months, if not years, planning a showy festival while they go on with their joint lives, possibly even to the extent of having children.

Miss Manners has no wish to strip away such romantic notions. On the contrary: She is hoping to encourage romance at the earlier stages.

This is not a subtle or a patient age. But the idea that courtship begins with a frank show of desire, when no personal preliminaries have been mutually established, is the harasser’s excuse. And that has been unfortunately bolstered by the belief that love can be handled efficiently.

At the same time that social manners invaded the workplace, businesslike methods were introduced into courtship: classified advertisements, resumes, short interviews, quick decisions.

This speed eliminates the delightfully inefficient and noncommittal stage known as flirting -- the charged glances, the ambiguous overtures, the budding sense of compatibility -- from which love can grow, but also, because it is ambiguous, from which either party can retreat at any point with honor.

Is this a waste of time? Perhaps, but those who have tried it will tell you that there is hardly a more pleasant way to waste time. And most of all, it provides a clear signal, without the awkwardness of asking outright, about whether or not further intimacy will be welcome.

Lunging is no more a courtship technique than hugging is a businesslike one.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a lady who met a guy on one of the dating sites. Just after two days, he proposed to me. We have never spoken verbally. He claims he works for the military and is based in one of the African countries, and he claims he can’t have verbal communication for security reasons. He claims he will resign soon and come to my country to meet me.

How do I know if this person is real and not a human trafficking person? Please help.

GENTLE READER: The frequency with which Miss Manners reads about ladies who believe in love to the extent of bankrolling strangers prevents her from treating your question with the skepticism she recommends to you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)