DEAR MISS MANNERS: Since announcing my first pregnancy to close friends and family, I have been inundated with offers of free baby equipment. Most of these offers come up naturally in conversation.

I don’t want to appear ungrateful, but I was looking forward to the experience of getting everything new -- something I rarely allow myself in life, plus I am an older mother and able to provide for myself better than I would have been a decade ago. Aside from that, I am simply unfamiliar with a lot of these supplies and don’t know if I want them, nor if I have the space to store them.

And to be honest, babies are messy and I don’t know that I want used items; I’d rather see them go to someone without means. My hesitation is usually followed up with an admonition that I’ll change my tune once I realize how expensive baby stuff is. How do I gracefully decline or rebuff these requests without offending?

GENTLE READER: Without explanation. You are only inciting a smug-parent war and, as you will see, your life will soon be filled with those.

“Thank you, no, I already have more than I need,” is a sufficient answer. But if these parents insist, Miss Manners recommends that you then discreetly donate the items or give them away, so as to avoid a lecture. Having your water break is also a good distraction.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I do vocational training with the cognitively disabled and people suffering from mental illness. When a co-worker came to me and said a client had asked her for candy, I told the client that it was not acceptable to ask people to give him candy, though he could accept candy if it were offered to him.

Was I too hard on the client? Is it acceptable to ask people to give you candy?

GENTLE READER: Only, it seems, if you preface it by saying, “Trick or treat!”

Since you are working with these clients on vocational skills, it seems to Miss Manners that teaching them practical behavioral and social practices would be at the top of that list. Doing it with kindness and a certain amount of indulgence, however, is obviously preferable.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dear friend’s father recently passed away. I had never met the deceased, but I was close to my friend throughout his father’s final illness, and plan to attend the funeral.

Because the funeral will be held out of state and involve significant travel, he does not expect me to attend. Should I inform him in advance that I will be making the trip?

Showing up unannounced feels like staging an ill-timed and self-aggrandizing “surprise!” However, a special conversation about it feels self-centered in his time of grief, and obliges him to appear grateful for some future and unasked-for act of chivalry.

GENTLE READER: Send a condolence letter that includes a version of the statement, “I will see you at the funeral.” Not giving your friend the chance to protest your efforts is not only kind, but correct. A funeral is the rare social event, Miss Manners points out, that does not require a response. Or -- one can only hope -- much advanced notice.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it considered rude when you are watching something on TV and your husband joins you, then wants to change the channel -- not to something you both like, but to something he likes?

If the shoe was on the other foot, I would watch whatever he was watching until it was done, and then we would try to find something we both liked. If we couldn’t find anything, we would just talk.

GENTLE READER: It is not rude for your husband to want to change the channel, only to follow through.

As with the law, the rule should be weighted toward first possession. After that, polite negotiation should ensue.

However, if all else fails, consider a second television. As with having separate bathrooms, Miss Manners has found that it can be worth its price in arguments. But she feels compelled to add, for the sake of your marriage, you would do well to also make time for actual conversation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a single lady acquainted with a couple I adore. They introduced me to a single gentleman they’ve known for decades, and I accepted his invitations for several dates before I became concerned about his maturity, and even his mental health.

Though I gently explained that I did not wish to continue our association, he requested reconsideration as a suitor so persistently that I had to block him from communications by phone and social media.

He, my friends and I all frequent a weekly community event. When I was standing in a circle with my friends and others, greatly enjoying the conversation, he approached, greeted each of us, and I responded in kind. Not wishing to share his company, I soon excused myself from the group to “powder my nose.”

Unfortunately, he asked in front of all, “Oh, do I make you uncomfortable?” I laughingly responded that my only discomfort was biological, and left the group.

This uncomfortable situation seems certain to repeat itself. I do not wish to engage in conversation that includes him, nor spend the evening in the powder room. I don’t wish to appear rude to my friends (I did not inform them of his behavior), nor for them to feel badly for the introduction. He seems determined to confront me publicly, and one can only cite biological needs or admiration for the buffet so many times.

GENTLE READER: Your instinct to spare your friends the details of what you find wrong with their friend is commendable. No good can come from forcing them to choose between you.

But if they are truly good friends, they should be able to understand -- and probably have already surmised -- that a romantic relationship has not grown between you and this gentleman. Miss Manners recommends that you tell them privately and without detail that you are afraid it did not work out, but that you do not wish to hurt his feelings any more by having to declare it publicly. Surely they will then find ways to help separate you in public -- or be sympathetic if those tactics are clumsily thwarted by him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate way to ask someone a second time to do something for you, if they seem to have forgotten?

For example, if I have already asked a waiter for a drink, but she comes and goes a few times without bringing it, how should I ask again? Should I refer delicately to the earlier conversation, as in, “Could I please have that water when you have a moment?” thereby giving her credit for remembering the earlier interaction? Or should I speak as if I am asking for the first time, to avoid drawing attention to the oversight?

My husband finds one of these choices to be conspicuously impolite, while I think they each could be appropriate in certain situations. Does the best approach vary if the exchange is between family members, i.e., between a child and an adult rather than a waiter and a patron?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette assumes good intentions until she has been proven wrong. And even then, she refrains from throwing things.

The second time you ask for water, do not make reference to the initial request. The third time, Miss Manners allows a certain pique to enter your tone as you patiently explain that you have now asked several times without result.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many years ago, when I was a teenage waitress, my boss blamed me for a mix-up with someone’s check. The customer left without paying the full amount, and the manager blew up at me back in the kitchen in front of all the cooks and other waitstaff, calling me stupid and inept. I was speechless with surprise and embarrassment. I could not defend myself, but as she stormed off, I felt angry and frustrated.

Later that evening, the manager discovered evidence that I had done everything properly after all, and that the error was due to someone else’s dishonesty. She called me back into her office and apologized.

While I appreciated her sincere apology, I felt somewhat resentful that even though she insulted me in a very public and embarrassing way, she felt that she could retract her hurtful words in private and everything would be fine.

My desire was to accept her apology (and anyway, it was my only real choice), but I felt it was an injustice. However, I let it pass, and I took the lesson with me in my dealings with others.

Fast-forward these many years. Recent events in the news involve public figures offering serious insults in very public ways. Some people feel as if a private, forced apology takes care of everything. I really believe that if one offers a public insult, the apology should also be public.

GENTLE READER: Yes, but the problem is that people do not wish to make public apologies. It is embarrassing.

This, Miss Manners believes, is an excellent reason not to commit public wrongs that will, as you say, require such apologies. Assuming, of course, that basic manners and common decency are not sufficient reason.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)