DEAR MISS MANNERS: The question is: Should my niece write a thank-you note? Her mother (my sister) says no. I say yes.
Here’s the story: My niece’s friend has stayed the night at our house two times. She was a lovely guest, thanked us all profusely, but did not write a note. This friend sees my niece every day at their soccer program, where they are both interns.
My niece was invited to a lovely dinner hosted by her friend’s grandparents, with whom the friend lives. When I asked my sister if my niece had written the grandparents a thank-you note, my sister replied: “No, I don’t want her to show up (friend’s name)!”
This seems crazy to me. My niece enjoys a lovely invitation and doesn’t write the grandparents for fear of showing up their granddaughter? I think my sister is wrong.
GENTLE READER: Attempts to pass off your niece’s thoughtlessness (unwillingness to thank someone for a kindness) as thoughtfulness (avoiding shaming her friend) are neither logical nor convincing.
The events and the participants being distinct, no comparison is likely to be made. But if it were, Miss Manners would prefer to think that in writing a thank-you letter that the grandparents might mention favorably, your niece would be setting her friend a good example.