DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter has become friends with my son’s ex-girlfriend, and wants her to attend her wedding. This girlfriend broke up with my son over a year ago, which hurt my son a bit. My son has moved on and has been dating a new girl for about eight months.
We’ve asked him what he feels, and he basically doesn’t want her there. But it’s my daughter’s wedding, and we are friends with her parents, too. To prevent a world war, who do I side with?
GENTLE READER: Do you remember when they were younger and fought over who had the toy first? Sometimes you took the decision out of their hands (“If you can’t agree, then nobody gets to play with it”), but sometimes it was more effective to make them work it out themselves.
This is one of the latter times. Miss Manners has no objection to your making the comparison when you tell your son and daughter -- it will remind them that they are brother and sister, and that they love and should respect each other.
However, it would be best to avoid being too explicit that the ex-girlfriend has been cast in the role of the stuffed giraffe.