DEAR MISS MANNERS: Friends of mine decided to adopt a child from Africa. I applauded this, as children all around the world need good homes. They are nice people, and will make good parents.

Soon after they announced their plans to adopt, they began fundraising on social media and via mail to pay for the adoption. They complained about the high cost, asked for prayers, asked for money, sold coffee, bread and magazines, and sent out mail asking for donations.

I was put off. While I agreed that their adopting was a great idea, I don’t know that they should ask friends to pay for it. I happen to know that they can adopt a child of any age completely for free through the county. As they are close friends, as they were vocally concerned about the cost, and as I thought they might not be aware of this alternate option, I mentioned it to them.

They thanked me for the information, but told me they wouldn’t consider it, as their “hearts were in Africa.” I dropped it, and moved on.

I am wondering if their requests are appropriate. Additionally, must I donate? I would rather not, despite the fact that I admire their decision to adopt. Since they are voluntarily choosing the more expensive option, I feel they should carry the cost and not put their friends in an awkward situation.

GENTLE READER: Your friends handled your suggestion with tact. Thanks and the decision not to follow your advice are the polite way of saying that whom they adopt is none of your business. And you accepted that as such.

But wait -- they are asking you to buy into the business. That does not mean that you get to vote how to run it. But it does mean that you should feel no compunction about not complying.

Certainly it is admirable of them to adopt a child. It will be admirable of them to feed and clothe and educate this child, and you already know that they expect others to help with their costs. But you need to decide whether assisting them would be the best use of whatever charitable money you have at your disposal.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you please tell me if it is polite to say “Nice to see you” to someone you have just met for the first time? Shouldn’t you say “Nice to meet you” instead?

GENTLE READER: Actually, neither. Miss Manners may be the last person on Earth to say “How do you do?” (a statement, not a question, despite the question mark) but that is the correct response to an introduction. The idea seems to be that the niceness may follow, but loses its value when offered on credit.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a certain time frame when thank-you notes should be received?

GENTLE READER: However long it takes the post office, plus the 20 minutes immediately following the receipt of the present. Miss Manners would allow a week for the writing of such letters if she did not know that you would therefore never get around to it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When living with roommates, do I have to inform them of when I have a guest spending the night? If I do, how much time in advance is appropriate?

GENTLE READER: While using a popular online language program, Miss Manners dutifully learned a sentence that she could not imagine anyone would have occasion to use, in any language. It was, “Who is that man in the bathtub?”

But indeed, you have posited a situation in which it might be useful.

Nevertheless, it might be better if that situation did not arise. Roommates need to agree on house rules, including a policy on guests -- and apparently, in your case, last-minute guests. It can be whatever you all agree on, but Miss Manners would think that “no surprises” would be a good guiding principle.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know you take a dim view of people throwing birthday parties for themselves. However, I turn 70 years old soon and I want to throw a birthday party for myself; I will explain why.

In the last 50 years, I have lost all of the most important people in my life: all of my grandparents, both of my parents, three sisters, all of my aunts and uncles, a beloved cousin, my best friend, his brother, both of my college roommates, my oldest childhood friend, another childhood friend, and on and on. Many of my professional colleagues have also predeceased me.

I feel as if I am a survivor since so many of these people died young. I want to celebrate my 70th birthday with the few friends and family who remain. Why would this be wrong?

GENTLE READER: Really, you needn’t have cited all of your losses to justify throwing a party. Miss Manners is not such a meanyboots as to grudge your assembling people who care about you and to whom your birthday is meaningful.

But allow her to shed some light on that dim view:

The usual adult birthday party nowadays is in flagrant violation of the basic rules of hospitality. The celebrant directs others to pay not just honor, but costs, without even the choice of where and when that is to be. And expects presents in addition, because it is a birthday.

If by “throwing a party,” you mean that you are going to plan and sponsor a gathering for the enjoyment of your guests, you have Miss Manners’ blessing. She offers extra credit if you don’t call it a birthday party, so they don’t feel obligated to bring presents. At the party, you can then thank them for helping celebrate your birthday, and listen to them protest that they wish they had known before.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you think of the recent practice at wedding receptions for the bride and groom to sit at a small table on their own? Are they afraid of infecting others with their joy?

GENTLE READER: Or are they planning to enjoy a more expensive wine than they are serving to their guests?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If someone burps, passes gas, etc., and says “Excuse me,” is it proper to say “You are excused”? I have someone teaching this to my grandchildren and it is new to me. Have I been disrespectful my entire life?

GENTLE READER: Without knowing you, Miss Manners can hardly say.

If your response to these bodily transgressions has heretofore been, “Ew, gross!” or “Wasn’t me!” then yes. If, however, you simply ignored them and responded with a polite smile, you would not be faulted.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family and I like to go to a restaurant that has great food. More than a couple of times, we have not been waited on for quite a while after being seated. The most recent time this occurred, a member of the waitstaff finally came to our table and asked, “How are you doing tonight?”

I replied, “Not that great. We have not been waited on yet.”

My daughter thought I was rude. What do you think? What should I have said instead?

GENTLE READER: Well, they did ask. While Miss Manners rarely advocates answering mere pleasantries with “honesty” (a horribly abused sentiment that is generally synonymous with insults), in this case, the waitstaff was uniquely qualified to remedy the situation.

“I am afraid that we are terribly thirsty and hungry. I wonder if you could help us with that,” said in as soft and genuine a tone as you can muster, is both accurate and polite. It is the “soft” part that Miss Manners fears was missing in your own reply.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an RSVP card that reads, “Please indicate the number attending.” Can you please tell me: When completing this form, in the instance that one of us (my husband) will be attending and I will not, do we mark “1” by “graciously accepts” and another “1” by “regretfully declines”? Or only the “1” that will be attending? And do we complete the blank for the name with only my husband’s name?

GENTLE READER: This confusing word- and number-play is yet another example of a modern so-called convenience gone awry.

Response cards are a pathetic attempt to ensure a prompt response from guests -- which still most often fails. As much as you may regret the paper waste, the proper -- and in this case, infinitely easier -- thing to do would be to write a handwritten note on actual stationery that clearly answers the question, rather than awkwardly tries to fit it into a prewritten form. “Mr. Dabney Polite-Person accepts with pleasure the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. WantsAResponse. Ms. Isabelle Polite-Person regrets exceedingly that she will be unable to attend.”

As a great concession, and in the interest of saving postage, Miss Manners will allow this note to be stuffed into any pre-addressed envelopes that accompanied the original card. But that does not mean she will like it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)