DEAR MISS MANNERS: When living with roommates, do I have to inform them of when I have a guest spending the night? If I do, how much time in advance is appropriate?

GENTLE READER: While using a popular online language program, Miss Manners dutifully learned a sentence that she could not imagine anyone would have occasion to use, in any language. It was, “Who is that man in the bathtub?”

But indeed, you have posited a situation in which it might be useful.

Nevertheless, it might be better if that situation did not arise. Roommates need to agree on house rules, including a policy on guests -- and apparently, in your case, last-minute guests. It can be whatever you all agree on, but Miss Manners would think that “no surprises” would be a good guiding principle.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know you take a dim view of people throwing birthday parties for themselves. However, I turn 70 years old soon and I want to throw a birthday party for myself; I will explain why.

In the last 50 years, I have lost all of the most important people in my life: all of my grandparents, both of my parents, three sisters, all of my aunts and uncles, a beloved cousin, my best friend, his brother, both of my college roommates, my oldest childhood friend, another childhood friend, and on and on. Many of my professional colleagues have also predeceased me.

I feel as if I am a survivor since so many of these people died young. I want to celebrate my 70th birthday with the few friends and family who remain. Why would this be wrong?

GENTLE READER: Really, you needn’t have cited all of your losses to justify throwing a party. Miss Manners is not such a meanyboots as to grudge your assembling people who care about you and to whom your birthday is meaningful.

But allow her to shed some light on that dim view:

The usual adult birthday party nowadays is in flagrant violation of the basic rules of hospitality. The celebrant directs others to pay not just honor, but costs, without even the choice of where and when that is to be. And expects presents in addition, because it is a birthday.

If by “throwing a party,” you mean that you are going to plan and sponsor a gathering for the enjoyment of your guests, you have Miss Manners’ blessing. She offers extra credit if you don’t call it a birthday party, so they don’t feel obligated to bring presents. At the party, you can then thank them for helping celebrate your birthday, and listen to them protest that they wish they had known before.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you think of the recent practice at wedding receptions for the bride and groom to sit at a small table on their own? Are they afraid of infecting others with their joy?

GENTLE READER: Or are they planning to enjoy a more expensive wine than they are serving to their guests?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If someone burps, passes gas, etc., and says “Excuse me,” is it proper to say “You are excused”? I have someone teaching this to my grandchildren and it is new to me. Have I been disrespectful my entire life?

GENTLE READER: Without knowing you, Miss Manners can hardly say.

If your response to these bodily transgressions has heretofore been, “Ew, gross!” or “Wasn’t me!” then yes. If, however, you simply ignored them and responded with a polite smile, you would not be faulted.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family and I like to go to a restaurant that has great food. More than a couple of times, we have not been waited on for quite a while after being seated. The most recent time this occurred, a member of the waitstaff finally came to our table and asked, “How are you doing tonight?”

I replied, “Not that great. We have not been waited on yet.”

My daughter thought I was rude. What do you think? What should I have said instead?

GENTLE READER: Well, they did ask. While Miss Manners rarely advocates answering mere pleasantries with “honesty” (a horribly abused sentiment that is generally synonymous with insults), in this case, the waitstaff was uniquely qualified to remedy the situation.

“I am afraid that we are terribly thirsty and hungry. I wonder if you could help us with that,” said in as soft and genuine a tone as you can muster, is both accurate and polite. It is the “soft” part that Miss Manners fears was missing in your own reply.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an RSVP card that reads, “Please indicate the number attending.” Can you please tell me: When completing this form, in the instance that one of us (my husband) will be attending and I will not, do we mark “1” by “graciously accepts” and another “1” by “regretfully declines”? Or only the “1” that will be attending? And do we complete the blank for the name with only my husband’s name?

GENTLE READER: This confusing word- and number-play is yet another example of a modern so-called convenience gone awry.

Response cards are a pathetic attempt to ensure a prompt response from guests -- which still most often fails. As much as you may regret the paper waste, the proper -- and in this case, infinitely easier -- thing to do would be to write a handwritten note on actual stationery that clearly answers the question, rather than awkwardly tries to fit it into a prewritten form. “Mr. Dabney Polite-Person accepts with pleasure the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. WantsAResponse. Ms. Isabelle Polite-Person regrets exceedingly that she will be unable to attend.”

As a great concession, and in the interest of saving postage, Miss Manners will allow this note to be stuffed into any pre-addressed envelopes that accompanied the original card. But that does not mean she will like it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have three friends who, at times, refuse to talk at all in social situations. I am going to visit one of them as her houseguest.

I suspect that the reason she does not chat or respond to remarks is solely due to her being hard of hearing, but she attributes it to the custom in her family. She does not even respond to practical questions or remarks. I have sat through dinners in total silence.

I suspect that she relies almost totally on lip-reading, hence she chats only when we sit down in a quiet place and she can face me. She will not discuss her hearing without extreme shame and upset. Is it OK if I read, go online, sleep or watch TV (depending on the situation) as I would if I were alone?

The second friend loves to go out for cocktails, but will sometimes sit in silence, barely responding to my questions and not bringing up any topics. I brought along a book to occupy myself during the usual two hours of silence one day, and she remarked angrily, “If I knew you were going to read, I would have brought my book.” I didn’t want to start a fight, so I put the book away and started to talk (that seems to be my job).

The third friend, also on vacation, refused to talk at all at meal times, saying she had to concentrate on her chewing. We were childhood friends and until recently had always chatted during meals. So I turned on the TV and brought a book to the table. She was extremely angry, but still refused to talk.

I am not able to force people to talk, so is it reasonable and polite for me to occupy myself as though I were alone?

GENTLE READER: Apparently your friends, who may well have hearing problems, do not think so. But rather than deal with that difficulty, they seem to consider it reasonable and polite to remain silent while you perform monologues for them -- so perhaps they are not the most trusted sources. Miss Manners also has to wonder how people who argue that they prioritize chewing over conversation have remained friends for this long.

If you are a houseguest or on vacation, the situation emulates an extension of being in one’s own home. You could say, “It seems that you are tired and I do not wish to burden you with conversation. Perhaps you wouldn’t mind if I read or turned on the television, unless there’s something that you particularly wish to discuss.” Or you can claim your own fatigue and retire to your room.

Unfortunately, when you are out in public together, it is not considered polite to otherwise occupy oneself, even if the conversation is strained. Although that has clearly not stopped most of the electronic device-carrying world.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I find myself in a unique position of wanting to return a gift to the person who gave it. It was a cookbook given to my late partner, just before his death. It was a very caring and thoughtful gift that I wish the gift-er could or would use for another person.

GENTLE READER: This is a rare occasion where obvious regifting is not considered impolite -- if, Miss Manners notes, it is done kindly and with sensitivity. “My partner adored this gift and used it often,” you can say. “I am sure that he would want you to have it, since you shared such an enthusiasm for cooking.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)