DEAR MISS MANNERS: Etiquette-wise, is it acceptable to use someone else’s trash bin? I have a neighbor who often, when passing by, throws away an empty water bottle, or a snack wrapper, inside my trash can. I guess trash is trash and it makes no difference whose bin it is, especially since the type of garbage in question is “innocuous” (nothing like dog’s waste or similar), and it surely would be worse if the neighbor littered instead of using a bin.

But still, every time this happens, I can’t help but feel irritated. What is Miss Manners’ take?

GENTLE READER: The courts have generally concluded that people’s interest -- both legal and philosophical -- in their own trash is limited, as evidenced by the fact that they threw it out. Miss Manners is inclined to agree, and to extend the ruling to the contents generally. So long as the neighbor is not causing the bin to overflow, to smell, or to draw attention in some other way, innocuous contributions would best be ignored in the interest of neighborliness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I find it mockingly insulting when a girl that you previously dated, and asked to an informal dinner, asks what the dress code is.

It puts pressure on the situation to make it more formal than it is, and what if I said formal (as in, I am trying to date her again) -- would she take it the wrong way and get insulted? Or what if she IS interested and I say casual, and she gets insulted that it is not a date?

Either way, I argued that for an informal occasion, the question should not even have been asked.

GENTLE READER: It seems just possible that you have concerns beyond the level of formality of the dinner, but Miss Manners will answer the question you have posed. Assuming that you told the lady that the dinner was to be informal, why would she ask again? She may have a nefarious purpose, as you suspect, or she may simply not have heard you the first time.

You might also consider that the definitions of formal and informal (not to mention the ubiquitous but fuzzy meaning of “casual”) vary enormously depending on the context and even individual interpretation. Is it too much of a stretch for you to consider that your friend is merely trying to figure out what would be appropriate for her to wear?

Whether or not communication was a problem the first time you dated, if you truly intend to begin fresh, the wisest course -- and the most civil -- is to understand text before delving into subtext. Assume her question was an honest one, and answer it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to leave a wedding before the cake is cut, if it is 11:30 p.m. and the cake has not yet been cut (and it does not appear imminent)?

GENTLE READER: Contrary to the wedding industry’s opinion, cake-cutting is not part of the marriage ceremony. Miss Manners permits weary guests, who have presumably already put in hours of attendance, to take their leave.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law likes to help out less-fortunate relatives. She is quite generous herself, but she often asks some extended family members to help with additional contributions.

Everyone does acknowledge that the contributions are for good causes (i.e. hospital/surgery bills, medication for elders ...) and that those people indeed need help and are much less fortunate than we are.

However, these fundraising events happen quite often; my MIL is often pleading for money (even if not for herself), putting others in the awkward position of having to say “no” to the fourth fundraising request of the year.

Since we have quite a large extended family, is it OK if we suggest minimum required contributions for all able family members every year? The minimum amount should and will be discussed and agreed upon by all family members. That way, my MIL would have a certain set amount to work with and would avoid awkwardness for herself and others.

GENTLE READER: Being a pest for a good cause does not excuse the underlying rudeness. Someone needs to talk to your mother-in-law and ask her to stop annoying the relatives. While the extended family might be willing to agree to an annual tithe if it would rein in your mother-in-law, the fact that you are only proposing a “minimum” contribution makes Miss Manners suspect that even you do not believe it would work.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was walking behind a group of people and happened to hear one of them suggest that they go to a particular coffee shop about half a mile away.

I knew that that coffee shop was closed for the season. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to admit I was listening to their conversation (although it was not intentional), but now I wonder whether it would have been better to speak up and save them a trip.

GENTLE READER: The phrase you want is, “Excuse me, but I couldn’t help overhearing ...”

Miss Manners trusts you not to use it when you overhear people discussing their love lives.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do I bring to an informal dinner at a friend’s house? I have taken them wine (which neither drink), cookies, cookie mix, sausage and cheese, etc. Recently we went for snacks and tacos. I took a pack of the nice dinner napkins. She seemed offended. Was this appropriate?? I am running out of ideas.

GENTLE READER: One idea would be to stop bringing gifts to dinner. Etiquette does not require them -- the quid pro quo, if you must have one, is the dinners you host for your friend. Miss Manners realizes that your most recent gift was not meant as a criticism of your friend’s linen, but this is the problem with inventing your own etiquette -- in this case, the idea not only that every meal deserves a gift, but that each gift must be unique. The recipient has no idea what you are doing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I patronize a nail salon where all the employees are Vietnamese and speak only a little English. They do nails very well, their prices and location are good, and I’m not inclined to go anyplace else.

But I find it terribly awkward not to be able to chat easily with someone who is performing a personal service for me. I’ve seen other patrons there who come with friends and chat with each other, or listen to headphones, or sit with their eyes closed, perhaps meditating.

I don’t have a friend to go with, and the most obvious thing for me would be to take work-related reading and indicate that I “must” get some work done. But I can’t hold reading material when my hands are occupied, and there is no place to set it.

I have started requesting the same manicurist each time, since I think she is especially good, and she seems very friendly and sweet. I always tip her well. But after I have made sure her two kids are fine and we agree about the weather, there is nothing more we can talk about that isn’t too difficult.

I don’t know why this makes me so uncomfortable, but it feels like I’m being rude or I should try harder, and I actually get stressed about my appointments.

What I would most like to do is sit quietly and think my own thoughts. Is there a graceful way to do that?

GENTLE READER: And perhaps the manicurist would like to think her own thoughts.

Miss Manners is confused about whether you believe you should be entertaining her (and are rude not to), or that she should be entertaining you (and help more to carry the conversation).

In any case, chit-chat, beyond the exchange of pleasantries, is not part of the deal. And while some patrons and some workers enjoy that, it should be voluntary on both sides. While there are sometimes confidences exchanged between them, both workers and their clients sometimes complain that they would prefer some quiet.

Since you are happy with the work, the price, the location, and crave quietness, Miss Manners fails to see your problem.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and his then-fiancee sent save-the-date cards to various friends and relatives. They have since called off the wedding, some eight weeks before it was to occur, and before actual invitations were issued. What is the etiquette for informing the recipients of those cards not to make plane, hotel or other reservations?

GENTLE READER: It is time for another mailing. You can’t just leave these people saving the date, much less making travel plans.

Had you sent invitations, there would be a similarly formal announcement that “the marriage will not take place.” But as the save-the-date card is informal, a similarly informal style may be used.

However, Miss Manners strongly recommends retaining that sentence about the marriage not taking place, rather than offering any explanation. You will be besieged with questions soon enough.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)