DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two relatives, a sister and an aunt, who are constantly asking for my things -- clothes, jewelry, household items, etc. It’s almost every time I see them. They don’t want to borrow; they want me to give it to them.

I bought a dress at an estate sale and my aunt immediately said she wanted it, even though it wasn’t her size. I had bought her a vintage jacket, but she wanted my dress, too. My sister does the same thing. She’ll visit my home and admire something I have, and continue to say things like, “I really wish I had that” until I just give it to her. It’s gotten to the point that I avoid being around them and I’m angry when I do see them. Neither of them seem to really care about the items after they get them.

So what can I say to break the cycle? I have said no, but they start again the next time I see them. I don’t want to be rude or say something mean to them, but it is grating on me.

GENTLE READER: It seems that you have been running a free shop. Almost as bizarre as your relatives’ grabbiness is your compliance. Have you not noticed that occasionally giving in by giving up your property is not an effective way to discourage them?

Miss Manners gathers that these are not subtle people on whom delicate hints would have any effect. She suggests a cheerful “No, sorry, its mine!” to be repeated whenever necessary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was wondering how to properly eat a hot roll. I looked it up: Pull the roll apart gently and butter each side. But if the roll is very hot, fingers get burned.

I tend to make a cut on the top with a small knife and pull it apart to butter it, then eat each half. My husband sticks his fork in halfway down the side of the roll, opening it like a biscuit; he then pushes the top down on the bottom so it looks like a biscuit. (But then, he eats soup with a fork after breaking off bread into it, and refuses to use soup or cereal spoons or a bread and butter plate.)

Luckily, at my daughter’s wedding last year, the rolls weren’t hot, so there was no issue.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps a lesson in elementary physics, rather than in etiquette, would solve your problem. At least your hot roll problem, although not your more serious marital problem.

If you wait just a moment, burning-hot rolls will cool enough for you to touch them. How long you will have to wait before your husband understands that it is not worth it for him to annoy you at every meal, Miss Manners cannot say.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please settle a minor disagreement. When making a bed that has two pillows, should the pillows be placed with the pillowcase openings facing toward the middle of the bed or toward the sides?

GENTLE READER: Toward the sides.

Miss Manners made that one up, and no doubt someone will give her an argument about it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have several friends, and even complete strangers, who always want to show me pictures of their children and grandchildren on their smartphones. We are not talking about one picture, but 20 or more.

I do not know these children and, frankly, it is boring. I have vision problems and the small screen gives me a headache.

I have tried looking at a couple of pictures and trying to change the topic. They put the phone away and soon it comes out again. I even had a complete stranger show me pictures of his six children and their associated children in the ophthalmologist’s office while my eyes were dilating.

I am sick of it, and my comments are getting more and more rude. Could you please suggest a phrase I might use to stop the cellphone attack?

GENTLE READER: Putting cameras into telephones was a step backward for civilization, Miss Manners believes. Suddenly people were waving selfie sticks around, posting unflattering pictures of others, broadcasting their bragging, and, as you experienced, spreading colossal amounts of boredom. Really, the only use that ought to be permitted is gathering evidence of crime.

There can hardly be a better excuse than dilated eyes to avoid these shows, but apparently even that didn’t work. Even if it had, Miss Manners supposes that you can’t always hang around the ophthalmologist’s office. She recommends complimenting the children for two pictures, and then handing back the telephone saying, “You’d better take this -- I don’t trust myself not to drop it.” That the danger would be your dropping it in a soporific state of boredom, rather than clumsiness, need not be specified.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I swear too much and act like a jerk online.

GENTLE READER: Then please cut it out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a luncheon at the home of a friend who had invited people she knew from several different places (church, neighborhood, work), so we did not all already know each other. I sat down next to a man and introduced myself with, “Hi, I’m (blank).”

He laughed and said, “Oh, I can never remember names.”

I was taken aback and thought this was very rude. I might not have remembered his name either, but I would not have told him I was going to make no effort to remember it. How would Miss Manners have handled this -- bearing in mind that I did not want the hostess to regret having invited me?

GENTLE READER: As you recognize, this is not the charming and apologetic admission of a common human failing that the speaker may think it is. That would be “I’m so sorry, but I have trouble remembering names. Please tell me yours again.”

What the preemptive declaration conveys is “I’m sure I’ll have no reason to want to know you better.”

In that case, Miss Manners would nod in acknowledgment, probably saying something as restrained as “I won’t trouble you,” before turning her attention to a more receptive guest.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will be having surgery soon to alleviate the embarrassing problem of bowel incontinence. I found a great doctor and have family support, but need to know what to say to nosy acquaintances who inquire about the reason for my hospital stay.

“None of your darn business” or “You don’t want to know” are my favorite responses, but neither seems appropriate. Suggestions?

GENTLE READER: “It’s just a standard procedure, but you are so kind to ask.” Repeat as necessary, resisting the urge to elaborate.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While I am certain that Miss Manners has never experienced this herself, what would you suggest for someone who unintentionally says something to a friend that obviously upsets or hurts them deeply?

I know a quick apology is necessary, but what if that is not enough? If the hurt goes beyond a simple apology, how does one attempt to make it right? I fear that I may have permanently hurt a friend that I care for deeply, and I am not sure what to do now.

GENTLE READER: Write a letter. Make it heartfelt and offer no excuses. Tell your friend how much the friendship matters to you. And mean it.

The novelty of writing something by hand and mailing it will give the matter the formality and gravity it deserves. And while you are correct in thinking that Miss Manners has rarely needed to write such a letter herself, the same reasoning has offered her a far better rate of response than email for her social invitations. That and her imposing presence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at an apartment complex, and I have a tenant who doesn’t seem to bathe or even use deodorant. Therefore he reeks something super fierce when he comes into our office.

He comes into the office building once a month to pay his rent, and the door to my office is right by the front door to the building. He hands me his check and is in and out in 10 seconds, but his stench will travel all the way to the other side of the building.

After he leaves, I have to Lysol the air in the whole building a few times to get rid of the smell, and hope that it goes away before a prospect walks in. The same happens if he comes in to pick up a package, except then, he is in the office much longer than 10 seconds.

To my great surprise, I haven’t had any complaints from his neighbors about his foul odor, but I’m getting to the point where I really want to tell him he needs to shower or something before he enters our office. I just don’t know how to say it politely. Could you offer any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Get a mailbox system. There is no polite way to tell this gentleman that he should bathe, especially since you seem to be the only one affected by it. Miss Manners suggests that you either create a drop-off for the rent checks and mailed packages or a private, enclosed office for yourself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)