DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one tell a fellow golfer, politely, to quit talking while others are preparing to hit?

My friend and I belong to a league and we have one member who is quite garrulous. Literally from the first tee box to the last green, it is a nonstop stream of rambling -- even to the point of being able to hear her from the other side of the fairway.

She has no problems taking others to task, though. One member took a call on her cellphone. The call lasted less than two minutes, and it was during the time we were walking to our balls. She, of course, complained to the league president that that was unacceptable.

Should we be unlucky enough to be placed in a foursome with her again, how should we handle her never-ending chatter?

GENTLE READER: With politeness, naturally. Pay scrupulous, and undivided, attention to your garrulous golfer, and if she asks why you are not hitting the ball, explain that you are busy listening to her story. While Miss Manners realizes this will require an initial sacrifice of time when you could be golfing, your chatterer should eventually get the point.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love Chinese food, but have never been able to master eating it with chopsticks. Whereas others seem to do it with great ease, I fumble and futz and finally resort to using a fork and spoon to get through the meal.

When I go out to eat at Chinese restaurants, others in my group will choose to eat with chopsticks, always offering to give me a lesson in their use, telling me that children master them with ease, or worse, making me feel gauche and inappropriate when I simply ask for other utensils.

I was not raised in Chinese culture and am not eating in China, so why am I being pressured to use chopsticks? My table companions always seem to shame me for not using chopsticks, which I consider rude. Aren’t they appearing somewhat affected by demonstrating a skill that is not part of their background or culture, just for the sake of eating a meal?

GENTLE READER: In addition to being familiar with chopsticks, the aforementioned children are, no doubt, aware of the concept of “time out” for misbehavior. Miss Manners mentions it because she is about to send everyone there.

Not being in China, you are under no obligation to use chopsticks, and it is rude of your friends to notice you are not -- much less to discuss or criticize it. But their own familiarity with, and willingness to use, chopsticks is equally innocent.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the maid of honor in an upcoming wedding. I was recently laid off for four months without receiving unemployment pay. I got a job last month, but the salary is significantly less than what I made previously. I’m single and am having trouble making ends meet while playing catch-up on my bills.

To cut down on costs, I tried borrowing a formal dress for the wedding, because the bride only specified a color, not a particular style. Unfortunately, the shade did not exactly match her daughter’s dress, so I now need to buy one.

Thankfully, she didn’t want a shower as it’s her second wedding, but she has asked for a bachelorette party. I’m the only adult in the wedding, so I’ll be footing the bill for that. I plan to give her cash or a gift card for her gift.

I haven’t been to or been in a wedding in over 10 years. I certainly don’t want to upset her by not giving enough, but what is an appropriate amount to give?

GENTLE READER: Being the maid of honor means that you are the bride’s best friend. Would she really want to cause you hardship, even over such trivial matters as the shade of your and her daughter’s dress?

Miss Manners can only hope that this lady is unaware of your difficulties, perhaps supposing that your new job solved them. The graceful way to tell her would be to confide that you are no longer able to assume the costs that you would have liked to, and to offer to step down as her maid of honor.

If she has a sense of friendship and honor, she will insist that that is not why she chose you, that she will not hear of your stepping back, that the dress is fine, and that she will arrange to cut back on activities.

If she, instead, accepts, consider that it would have been a mistake anyway for you to be maid of honor, as you are not such good friends, after all.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I tasted a delicious dessert while traveling, and when I returned home, I tried replicating it. I finally perfected it and now like to make it for special occasions, prepare it for fundraisers, and give it as a gift to friends and family at Christmas.

My problem is that other women have asked for the recipe. It isn’t just that I spent the time and effort to come up with it, but since I socialize in a small community, I don’t want everyone to have it. If I give it to an insistent acquaintance, she is friends with my friends and will no doubt serve it to them.

How do I politely decline to share my secret recipe?

GENTLE READER: Coyly. The secretive chef is a stock character with which others are familiar, and you only have to learn to play the part pleasantly.

“Sorry,” Miss Manners suggests saying, “but that’s my secret lure. I’d hate to have you able to make it for yourself, because then you’d not be as eager to come to see me.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My young daughter contends that it is rude of children she doesn’t know to try to join her playground games. She likes to play alone, with just one or two close friends, or with me.

I think the young strangers are usually being friendly, but I do recall, from several of your columns, that it is poor manners to attempt to engage a stranger in public.

For this reason, I see precedence for allowing my daughter to coldly dismiss these kids. However, I wonder if there are rules of the public playground that require more warmth. She knows I read your column and would, I think, be swayed by your words.

GENTLE READER: How clever of her. However, there is indeed a difference between children and adults in this situation.

Playgrounds are a social meeting ground for children. And while children should not assume that they can automatically join in another’s play, they should be greeted with civility if they ask politely. If their presence is truly unwelcome, your daughter could say, “I’m so sorry, but I came here to play with a friend who I rarely get to see. Maybe another time we will both be here and we can play together then.”

Miss Manners feels compelled to add that there will likely come a day, whether at the playground or at a social club or mixer, when your daughter herself will want to approach an attractive stranger. Surely then she will likewise want to be treated with kindness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter lives in California and she is getting married in November. Since our family lives in Indiana, I was thinking of having a virtual bridal shower for her. What is your opinion of virtual showers?

GENTLE READER: That they are “actual” pleas for presents and money without any of that annoying pretense of enjoying the company of the loved ones who purchased them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter and I attended the bridal shower for a friend’s future daughter-in-law. We had absolutely no desire to attend this shower (for many, many reasons), but we went anyway. We both conducted ourselves properly and gave lovely gifts.

We were pretty much ignored. One of the “games” was to have the guests address the envelopes to themselves for the thank-you notes. I guess this was so that the bride didn’t have to bother putting much effort into thanking people. Our thank-you notes mentioned the wrong gifts.

Now that my daughter is getting married, this friend is using every lame excuse in the book for not attending the shower. I have always felt that if someone attends your shower, etc., you are pretty much obligated to attend theirs, unless you are now deceased. Am I wrong?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Why would you want this rude and inconsiderate woman at your daughter’s shower, anyway? And where did you get the idea that death is the benchmark for an excuse not to attend something?

Certainly not from Miss Manners. In fact, she does not require that guests create excuses at all. Just that they politely say, “I am so sorry, but I am unable to attend.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)