DEAR MISS MANNERS: My ex-husband and I both remarried other partners, and he has children with his new wife. We all get along beautifully, spending vacations, holidays and other events together.

When introducing their children to my friends (or whomever), what “title” should I give them? The explanation that they are my ex-husband’s children just seems unfair because they are more than that to us. Any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Use their names.

The idea that you have to define every relationship in all of its particulars is one that has always bewildered Miss Manners. It is no one’s business -- and usually only of true interest to the parties involved. How you treat your ex-husband’s children will presumably speak more to your relationship with them than any lengthy explanation. And it will become self-evident to the friends who are interested enough to find out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If you are alphabetizing a list of names and you have partners or spouses with different last names, who goes first -- the woman or the man? Should it be Susan Smith and Darwood Allen, or Darwood Allen and Susan Smith?

GENTLE READER: Not wishing to engage in a battle of the sexes, Miss Manners will decree that whoever’s last name comes first in the alphabet takes precedence. That way, if you have any further quibbles about who comes first, you may take it up with the English language and not her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a board meeting, my boss, who knew I was disappointed at not getting a recent promotion, stood up and asked everyone to applaud me for my many years of service to the company. He went on to say, “She ran her department with an iron fist.”

I murmured “thank you” and accepted his handshake.

Miss Manners, I assure you this characterization is completely inaccurate. I am widely respected for my efficiency, my effectiveness and my collegial style. Many of my co-workers were surprised and disappointed that I did not receive the promotion, because they respect me and LIKE working with me!

I know this was his awkward attempt at reconciliation, but should I say anything to him about his inappropriate choice of words?

GENTLE READER: As you have surmised, in all likelihood, your boss misguidedly thought that he was giving you a compliment. If you want to redirect this unfair assessment -- and perhaps find out more about why you were not promoted in the process -- you may ask your boss if there is anything that you can do to improve your performance in general.

Avoid directly speaking of the passed-over promotion -- letting it hang in the air -- but ask if he has concerns that you have been too tough on your employees, as perhaps indicated by his “kind acknowledgment.” Miss Manners realizes that you may have to choke out those last two words, but is hoping that the reward will be your boss’s realization that he himself should have picked better ones.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When do you stop being “divorced” and start being “single”?

GENTLE READER: Divorced people are also, by definition, single, as no remarried lady since Hamlet’s mother invented the paperless divorce has wondered if she was “married” or still “divorced.”

After decades in which people fought to reduce the nosiness of motor vehicle departments, employers and bores, their descendants are only too eager to label themselves with alarming specificity to anyone who will listen. Miss Manners attributes this to social media platforms that began, innocently enough, with the idea that one’s “status” should be as granular as “available,” “busy,” “away,” “at lunch” and so on -- when she would have thought that “listening” and “not” covered all relevant possibilities.

Modern sensitivities notwithstanding, Miss Manners is willing to leave the choice between “divorced” and “single” up to the individual, so long as formerly married persons can agree not to use the latter until the former has been legalized.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The company I work for is privately owned by one family and has a few different companies under the same umbrella, with each company headed by a different member of the family. Some of the companies are housed together, while others are on different floors in the same building or in a building next door.

The result is that I do not know many of the people who work for the parent company. I have noticed that the human resources lady will send an email to the entire company announcing life events of various members of the family, i.e., births, marriages, etc. I do not always know the person the event pertains to.

What is the correct response, if any, to this type of mass email? Other people respond to the email expressing their best wishes, but I feel it would insincere to do so myself if I do not know the person.

I also find it kind of rude that only the family members are acknowledged in this way. There have been many other such events in the lives of various employees, which are not given the same consideration. Would like to know your thoughts.

GENTLE READER: If you are confused now as to how to respond to announcements about people you do not know, what is your plan when human resources follows your advice and starts posting everyone’s personal affairs?

The problem is not, to Miss Manners’ thinking, too little intimacy, but too much. While there are bosses who delight in fawning employees, most do not. In the latter case, the long-term solution is to approach a sympathetic family member to explain that such unthinking behavior by the human resources department is actually bad for company morale: other people’s, of course, not your own -- those souls who wonder how they are supposed to celebrate such occasions.

But whatever the feelings of your employers, etiquette does not require any response to mass-mailed announcements about people you do not know.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law is very ill, and we have all been put on alert for her passing away. According to the doctors, it will happen in a few weeks. We are preparing mentally for this.

My mother-in-law and I have never been close or friendly. She has always said disparaging things about me to my face and behind my back. Consequently, my in-laws have treated me as an outsider.

While not glad for her passing -- and wanting to be supportive of my spouse -- I don’t know how to respond when I will receive comments like “So sorry for your loss” or “She was such a good mother-in-law.” I’m not sorry to no longer have her in my life -- and she was not a good mother-in-law.

GENTLE READER: You should respond to condolences by saying “Thank you” and let pass any praise they may offer. They are not asking for a recital of your grievances.

Miss Manners believes that you should also be aware that by doing otherwise -- by what you think of as setting the record straight -- the reputation you alter is likely to be your own.

Complaining about in-laws while they are alive may elicit some sympathy, but doing so instead of mourning is not likely to have that response. It will seem gratuitously mean -- which is why there is a convention of not speaking ill of the dead -- as well as callous toward your presumably grieving spouse. People who feel they have known a better side of your mother-in—law will conclude that you were the problem.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When serving tea to guests, does one put in the milk and sugar first, or the tea?

I understand that the historical reason for adding milk first (that the china would crack otherwise) is no longer applicable, and that some people are firm advocates of adding the milk second so that you can properly gauge the strength of the tea, but I am unsure what is required by etiquette.

Personally, I think that adding the milk first lends a certain elegance. Additionally, should you stir the tea for the guest, or hand them their tea with the spoon resting on the saucer and allow them to stir it themselves?

GENTLE READER: As you may be aware, the issue known as Milk In First (or Last) is highly emotionally charged, especially in England.

Miss Manners refuses to take sides in the chemistry arguments. But if “elegance” is what you are after, whatever that means, she must tell you that certified snobs look down on the MIF folks.

Fortunately, there is no class angle to the question of stirring. Anyone who drinks tea is presumed to be capable of stirring it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My soon-to-be daughter-in-law has made a bridal registry. She has a 12-year-son from a prior relationship.

Is it appropriate to add a soccer net to a registry?

GENTLE READER: Evidently you have not noticed that Miss Manners does not believe that getting married -- or graduating, or having a baby, or any other milestone -- is a license to beg. What you beg for does not make it more or less acceptable.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)