DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been working part-time for a family, taking care of their elderly mother, who is very sweet. The person in charge of my employment -- the lady’s daughter, who lives far away -- has sent me an email saying that the family is under financial strain and needs to reduce the hours that I work.

Here is where manners come in: Was it appropriate that my employer offered me the “chance” to continue working my normal schedule but to be paid as if I were working one-third the hours, with the difference to be made up “when the house sells”?

How should one respond to such an email? (I am afraid that I may have been rude by answering that I was not able to lend money to the family. She seemed shocked at this.)

I asked her when her mother would be moving out of the house, and her daughter answered that the house would be sold when the mother dies! Her daughter must be either very pessimistic or very optimistic, I’m not sure which.

Miss Manners, I am afraid that over the years, many people have noticed that I am kind-hearted, and have responded accordingly. Needless to say, I am looking for another job.

GENTLE READER: Taking advantage of one’s employees is always objectionable. And it is more so, not less, when the work is of an intimate nature, because it overlaps with services rendered on a part-time basis by friends or family: teaching, babysitting or, in your case, looking after an elderly parent.

Whether your employer realized she was doing it or not -- whether her shock was genuine or feigned -- is immaterial. The correct response is to re-establish the professional nature of the relationship, explaining that you understand if the family can no longer afford your services, but that your rates are your rates.

Miss Manners believes in your giving free rein to your kind heart in looking after your clients. But for business dealings, polite professionalism should prevail.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my sisters, who is big into the online genealogy/ancestry stuff, gave all of her immediate family members DNA test kits for Christmas. She must have convinced herself that we were interested in her personal hobby.

I told her that I think skydiving (not a good example) is great and I would congratulate anyone that wanted to do it. However, I would never want to jump out of an airplane.

She was hurt that I wasn’t thrilled. I told her that because I love her, I will take the test with the understanding that this is her present, not mine. I think it’s a rude gift to receive for Christmas. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: A gracious gift, as you say, consults the interests of the recipient more than those of the giver.

But a gracious recipient does not argue with the gift-giver, particularly when that person is a close family member. Miss Manners trusts that will be so after, as well as before, you put this gift to the test.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The customer ahead of me still had groceries to be rung up, so I waited until her order was clear before placing my items on the conveyor belt. When the cashier began ringing up my items, a woman behind me began pushing my cart against me in order to get her items on every last inch of the conveyor belt. Finally, I said two things to her: “Stop pushing this cart against me. You’re old enough to know basic courtesy.”

She didn’t reply, but the assault stopped. In the same situation, how would Miss Manners have reacted?

GENTLE READER: Your success does not deter Miss Manners from deploring the way you achieved it. If she were not terminally polite, she would say to you, “Stop pushing people around. You’re (presumably) old enough to know basic courtesy.”

But she would never do so. Responding with rudeness only doubles the amount of rudeness being practiced. Also, it rarely works, which is why Miss Manners is surprised that you were not then rammed by the cart. It shows that your attacker had a sense of decorum, and suggests that her offense was inadvertent.

At any rate, you should have treated it as such. “Excuse me, but your cart is pushing me,” would have allowed even a deliberately rude person to retreat without further rudeness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a destination wedding back in November. We received various gifts from people who were invited (some who came and some who did not), and promptly sent out our thank-yous for that. Just last weekend, my in-laws threw us a “congratulations on your wedding” party with family and friends from the area, some of whom already sent us gifts for our wedding.

Should I send thank-yous to everyone who attended the party, even the ones who didn’t bring a gift because they previously sent us one for the wedding itself?

GENTLE READER: The novelty of being able to tell a bride that she should write fewer letters of thanks has Miss Manners feeling giddy.

She is as sick of nagging derelict brides as are their mothers. (Don’t bother alerting her that she should have written “brides and bridegrooms, as are their parents.” Bridegrooms indeed share the responsibility, but unfortunately, this seems still to be rare, and fathers’ involvement is practically unheard of, possibly because the un-thanked tend to blame the mother.)

Hosts do not need to thank their guests; a cheery “We’re delighted that you came” at the door is quite sufficient. And because many people know this, letters of thanks for attendance tend to be unpleasantly interpreted as meaning that something more was expected.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I am invited to a party at which a product is being sold, should I attend even if I know that I do not need any of the products? If I attend, am I obligated to purchase a product?

GENTLE READER: As this is a mixed social and commercial event -- sort of like a program with advertisements -- you have your choice. You can treat it as social, and ignore the commercial aspect, or you can treat it as commercial, and only buy if you really want to -- as you would in a store. In neither case does this require making a purchase.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been dating a woman for about two weeks. We have been together and like each other quite a bit.

We planned a dinner one day in advance for a Tuesday evening. Nice dinner and wine. She sends a text at noon canceling dinner since her friend, who visits from out of town frequently and was already here, decided they needed more time together.

Do I brush it off, reconsider our friendship or move on to better manners? P.S. We’re in our 50s.

GENTLE READER: While kind of you to provide the details of your age, being inconsiderate does not necessarily improve with it.

Miss Manners assumes that you were using it to imply that your friend should have known better. But you could also use your own earned wisdom and patience to give her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps there was something pressing with her friend.

In any case, it is clearly up to you and the depths of your feelings to see if you want to give it another chance. If you do and she cancels again, you then have unabashed permission to politely move on, with or without an explanation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Since I was a child, my parents always taught me that tipping well is very important. If you have the money to go to a meal, then you have the money to leave a tip for those serving you.

I have taken this to heart in my adult life, but have found that not all of my friends feel the same. While I consider 20 percent tip to be the norm in the U.S., maybe 18 percent if things weren’t great, I would never dream of doing only 15 percent.

However, I have more than one friend who leaves that amount, leaving me to overcompensate on my own tab so that the waitress/waiter does not get shorted.

I have stopped accepting meal invitations with these friends because it makes me uncomfortable to be associated with them in that way, and it also drives my bill up even more.

Is there a polite way to bring this up with friends? I don’t want to cause unnecessary conflict, but I do want to find a way to say that what they’re doing is not, in my opinion, right.

GENTLE READER: Pick a time far away from the appearance of the check (at the beginning of a meal, for example, or at a social excursion that doesn’t involve a restaurant), to bring up the subject of tipping, doing your best to disguise it as general conversation. This way you can at least figure out which friends believe that the tipping rate should be lower and which are just genuinely unaware.

You may then skillfully impart your own opinion, perhaps with a few examples from yours or another’s service industry experience. Miss Manners is always in favor of assuming the best of those who may be ignorant as to what is expected -- or haven’t kept up with inflation. Assuming so here may alleviate the problem and potentially save the friendship.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)