DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are having a debate at work: Is it rude to eat from the second layer of chocolates before the first is all gone?

GENTLE READER: This is an archaeological question, the answer to which will depend on the delicacy of the upper strata, the amount of effort required to excavate, and the urgency with which you need to decamp before local inhabitants or law enforcement -- or the people behind you in line -- become threatening.

Miss Manners urges you to resist the temptation to dig if access to the second layer will require more than cursory adjusting of food destined for other people, and certainly if it may damage such food. Deftly and discreetly lifting out a plastic tray to make a selection may be acceptable; hovering over the chocolates, or turning them over for inspection, is not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The venue for our son’s wedding will not hold all the guests that he, his fiance, and his parents want to invite. We believe the nuptial pair should have priority and choose the invitees.

How should we parents communicate with friends and relatives we cannot invite: phone or write them to explain/apologize prior to the nuptials, inform them afterwards, or stay mum?

GENTLE READER: Was the choice of venue beyond the control of yourself, your son, his fiance and the fiance’s parents? Miss Manners asks because, assuming someone in that group chose the location, the only possible explanation is that the venue was more important than the guests.

This is not comforting to the person who was not invited. An apology would have the same problem, with the added benefit that you might also find yourself blaming a current or future family member for the hurtful choice.

Your newly expanded family may face thornier problems in the future, but solving this problem jointly is a good place to begin to act in concert. Invite the people whom the couple and immediate family jointly consider indispensable, ideally because they are your most intimate friends and family.

You can then apologize to everyone else, using the excuse that the couple opted for a small, intimate ceremony. The reason, stated or implied, should be that the couple was being understandably romantic, not that they were counting the silverware. To those who wish to accuse Miss Manners of proposing that your son begin his new life based on a lie, she answers that she hopes his new life will begin on a basis of consideration for others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one go about changing a future daughter-in-law’s atrocious table manners? My son is embarrassed by her manners but does not know what to do.

GENTLE READER: As he is about to get married, your son had better start learning. Changing the behavior of a loved one requires tact, patience -- and a willingness to accept that some behaviors cannot be changed. But something as basic as table manners deserves a frank, tactful, private conversation between the couple. Atrocious table manners, left unchecked, do not become more endearing with time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: West Virginian Anna Jarvis’ story of founding Mother’s Day is pretty much known to everyone in West Virginia, which is where I grew up, still have property, will probably be buried, and took (and later taught) eighth-grade West Virginia history -- a requirement and a big deal.

We are quite proud of her. Then there’s Father’s Day, which we claim, too.

You are exactly correct that greed and entitlement were certainly not Anna Jarvis’ idea of a Mother’s Day celebration. Anna herself later became disenchanted with the commercialization of Mother’s Day. She no doubt would be quite disappointed in the letters you receive from people demanding Mother’s Day gifts from various people.

GENTLE READER: Indeed. Miss Manners is braced for the onslaught of letters she receives after every Mother’s Day from disgruntled mothers who expected to be paid tribute not only by their children, but by nearly everyone else, including their own mothers.

Ladies, this is unseemly. Mother’s Day is for children to show appreciation of their mothers. (Unless the mothers object, as Miss Manners’ own dear mother emphatically did. Her position was that acknowledging it would concede that there are 364 days in the year when children do not have to pay tribute to their mothers.)

Appreciation that is demanded is hardly worth it. Yet admittedly, small children have to learn what might be expected of them. In that regard, fathers (and mothers, in regard to Father’s Day) are the natural instructors. But society in general is full of reminders, and while those are propelled by commercial concerns, they afford the opportunity to explain the custom.

Generalizing the appreciation by directing it to all mothers, and even to all people, including strangers, who may be presumed to be mothers, also dilutes the meaning. And it can be harmful. The other type of fallout that Miss Manners receives after each Mother’s Day comes from those who are wished a happy Mother’s Day by those who do not realize that they are childless, or even bereaved.

Everyone has, or has had, a mother. Some have more than one, in the form of stepmothers or others who have acted in a maternal capacity. Mother’s Day is simply an opportunity for their children to honor them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my home, I have for a long time believed that our guest bathroom should have a tray with decorative folded paper napkins for guests to dry their hands; however, rarely do our guests use those paper napkins. This leads me to believe that many guests are using the same one or two cloth towels to dry their hands.

In my opinion, I am offering a far more sanitary option to our guests by having the tray of paper napkins available to them, next to the sink. These decorative napkins are the same size as dinner napkins. I would be most appreciative if you would give me your thoughts and advice as to whether I am correct or wrong to expect our guests (at dinner parties, rather than overnight guests) to use the paper napkins provided.

GENTLE READER: Little as Miss Manners cares to imagine what your guests are doing in your guest bathroom, she pictures them with dripping hands, reaching for whatever is nearby. If you don’t want them to use cloth towels, don’t have them there.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know that times have probably changed with regard to the proper way to invite someone to your home, what with the popularity of social media, etc. I, myself, use social media, but I would like to know what is the protocol.

I moved to a city where an old acquaintance lives, and she reached out to me via Facebook and email to let me know she and her husband would like to have me and my husband over for dinner sometime. The invitation was casual, but she asked me what days my husband and I would be free.

I told her that Sundays are acceptable, and she can let me know what day would work for her family (they have small children; we do not).

She has not responded since, and I am wondering now if I’ve offended her or if I was expected to pick a certain date and make arrangements to have dinner at her house. I guess I always thought that if you extend an invitation to dine at your home, and the guest gives a general idea of when he/she would be free, it would then be up to the host/hostess to offer to have dinner on a certain date, with a potential back-up date in case something comes up.

Am I wrong here? Am I being too old-fashioned in this case?

GENTLE READER: Social media has not changed the world to the extent that the guest determines the specifics of an invitation to someone else’s house.

Miss Manners suspects that the casualness that you are perceiving is instead a lack of timeliness -- and/or that your friend simply hasn’t figured out the most convenient option yet. It is also possible that something in the word “acceptable” threw her off, and she fears that this will be more of an obligation for you than a pleasure.

If you are concerned, contact her again, say that you are eager to see her and that you hope a Sunday works out soon. Or invite her over to your house instead. At a specific date and time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in an office where I have to correspond with customers in foreign countries. I will sometimes run into a foreign name where I cannot figure out if the person is male or female (this, of course, could happen with “domestic” names, as well).

How do I address my letter or email back to them? If the person signed their letter as “First Last,” I don’t want to appear too familiar and address my reply to “Dear First.” But I also don’t want to address it as “Dear Mr. Last” if “Mr.” Last is really a she. The least offensive thing that I can think of is “Dear First Last,” but that seems awfully strained. Do you have any better suggestions?

GENTLE READER: The solution you suggested will be less strained than the ensuing conversation if you guess wrong. (The first and surnames could also be reversed.) Miss Manners finds that “Dear Sir or Madam” is less personal, but also effective.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)