DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should one ask before a job interview if there is a dress code for the interview?

GENTLE READER: No. It is not that Miss Manners considers it unmannerly -- or even unreasonable -- for employees to get clear direction from the boss, or, in its absence, to make inquiries. It is rather that she believes that, in this case, any answer you receive will make your problem worse, not better.

The most likely response will be a misguided attempt to put you at ease -- something along the lines of, “Oh, really, wear anything that makes you comfortable.” Then what? Do you make a poor impression by wearing your jogging clothes to what you know to be a stuffy law firm that disdains casual Fridays? Or do you disregard the first instruction from the person you hope will be your new boss?

And if instead the boss admits that a jacket and tie are expected, what will he think of your judgment when you needed help figuring out something that, to him, is obvious? Remember that being overdressed shows respect for the interview and a desire to get the job, while being underdressed shows the opposite. Consider this your first job assignment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dear mother was in the ER, and after 24 hours awake, we were all exhausted and returned home at 7 a.m.

The phone rang soon after with a concerned friend. I explained that Mom was better, but the friend chatted on until I wished the caller good night and hung up. Then I unplugged the phones to get some rest. We had no sooner gotten our second cup of coffee after a few hours’ nap when people called wanting to stop by.

How do I keep these overeager but well-meaning friends at bay until we are rested and ready to receive company?

GENTLE READER: Given the endless number of ways in which modern technology can be used rudely, Miss Manners is always pleased to find the occasional polite usage. Email or text family and close friends a brief report, including the fact that everyone is now going to get some needed rest.

Note the delivery mechanism and the circulation list. She does not advocate (or condone) posting your mother’s medical chart on your social media account; your mother might not be grateful when she recovers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Beginning of the day, someone walks into a room already occupied by another person. Doesn’t common courtesy dictate that that person would say “good morning” first to the person already there?

GENTLE READER: Since common courtesy dictates that each person issue, or respond with, a greeting, Miss Manners is not fussy about the order -- so long as someone starts, so that both can get on with the rest of the day.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the unfortunate event that someone would be unable to wear their wedding band on the left ring finger (for example, due to injury), what would the appropriate alternative be? The middle finger of the left hand? The ring finger of the right hand? No ring whatsoever?

GENTLE READER: Unless that someone is trying to advertise being married, perhaps to fend off eager would-be suitors -- in which case, why not just say so? -- Miss Manners considers this a personal decision.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife caught me eating at the sink.

I said: ”I bet Miss Manners eats at the sink.”

She said: ”Miss Manners gets served by waiters and footmen.”

Please resolve the correctness of standing and eating at the sink.

GENTLE READER: You are both wrong about Miss Manners’ dining habits, but that should not be the issue here. The issue is not even whether one should eat at the sink.

Rather, it is getting caught eating at the sink.

Unlike morals, manners apply only when they affect other people. Much as we admire those who behave perfectly (or so they say) when they are unobserved, their virtue is unconnected with etiquette.

It is possible that many unsavory things go on in kitchens, and Miss Manners, for one, is grateful not to witness them. She has never understood the restaurant fad for having openly visible kitchens. So the next time you eat at the sink or lick the ladle or stick a spoon into the ice cream carton, make sure the kitchen door is closed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems that many people are taking adages stressing the importance of laughing at oneself a bit too far.

Many times, I have been inconvenienced by the small mistakes of others and stood ready to forgive and forget, if only an apology were provided. For example, the teacher of an exercise class might forget to bring a necessary item, thus diminishing the students’ experience, or a doctor’s desk staff might be away from the desk, backs turned and munching cake, initially ignoring patients. In one case, I attended a party during which a fellow guest soiled my friend’s floor with dirty shoes.

Small apologies were the only things necessary in each case, but they were not offered. Instead, each offender broke into laughter, adding jovially, “Oh, we’re too busy eating to care about patients!” or, “Oh my gosh! I am getting dirt on your floor! Ha ha ha!”

I take it that these people would like their victims to laugh along, but, while none of these things is of monumental importance, they are also not humorous in any way. I have trouble laughing at anything but a good joke, and the fact that others do not care if they inconvenience me does not cause me to giggle.

What is the proper response? Am I correct that the minor offenders are behaving improperly by substituting laughter for an apology?

GENTLE READER: There is nothing that chills misplaced laughter so much as a blank look and silence, Miss Manners has observed. But if that doesn’t prompt an apology, you can say, “I don’t get it. What’s so funny?” This gives the offender the opportunity to retreat by claiming to have laughed only out of embarrassment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is best and appropriate for the mother of the groom to wear to an elegant, outdoor barn wedding venue? The bride is wearing a beautiful off-white, strapless, mermaid-style bridal gown.

GENTLE READER: Never having understood the concept of a wedding “theme,” Miss Manners does not need to dwell on the mental picture of a mermaid in a barn.

Neither do you. Whatever the bridal industry may claim, the couple’s mothers are not specifically costumed, but may wear whatever they like in keeping with the degree of formality that applies to the other guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I’m expecting guests, I will keep one eye out my window to watch for their arrival. When their car pulls into my driveway, I will open my door for them and greet them on the stoop, or if they have items to bring in, I will meet them at their vehicle to lend a hand.

Unfortunately, I don’t often receive the same courtesy when I visit others. Many times, I have been left standing on a front porch for what seems like long periods of time after having rung the doorbell, hearing sounds of life from inside but no urgency to let me in.

Am I expecting too much to be greeted at the door before the bell is even rung?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Yes, you are.

It is one thing to be ready for your guests near to their appointed arrival time. But quite another to cease all activity long before it -- and to be peering out the door, ready to pounce before they do. Particularly, since not all guests are as prompt as Miss Manners can only assume you must be.

If it is truly taking an inordinate amount of time for your hosts to come to their door, then you may say politely, “Oh dear. Am I early?” when they finally do. But only if you can manage to say it without an accusatory edge.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband of 33 years and I have separated, although not legally. I have not seen him for 18 months. This is my choice. (Actually, I was heartbroken.)

His mother has expressed to our grown children that she would like to see me again. I have reason to suspect that this is motivated by curiosity and the possibility of future gossip. This sort of thing seems to make her feel important.

I always treated her with the respect that my husband demonstrated for her, despite his occasional disappointments in her as a mother.

Must I see her? Must I respond? Obviously, I’m hoping that I needn’t. But I realize this is likely a purely selfish response.

Of importance to me, of course, is that I not add to our grown children’s discomfort. But, life being as it is, is that rightfully my responsibility in this matter?

GENTLE READER: Not to make your children uncomfortable? On the contrary, Miss Manners thought that that was every parent’s right and privilege.

However, if you wish to relieve your children of the burden of being in the middle, tell them to ask your former mother-in-law to contact you directly. Then, based on any ensuing invitations, you can suss out whether or not you want to actually meet up with her. This should not only get your children off the hook, but also be a critical first step in thwarting her if, indeed, her true intention was just to stir up trouble.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)