DEAR MISS MANNERS: My older sister just got engaged and I am the maid of honor. I am very excited to play this role and take seriously my duty of planning a great, classy and fun bachelorette party.

She mentioned that she wanted to do a weekend with her friends, but for me to surprise her. Because the wedding is in the fall and she loves the beach, I was looking into an awesome beach weekend where guests can get back into warm weather and the rates are less expensive.

However, she has dropped hints about what she "had in her head" -- a very cold location with less to do, but one where she went to college and where some of her friends are.

I feel it would be difficult to have fun there for three days. The hostess part of me feels obligated to provide a good time for everyone, and a beach location offers the opportunity for guests to get out, go sightseeing or head to the beach, as opposed to being cooped up with nothing to fill in the hours between meals and wine tastings. I also feel people from that area would appreciate something different than their same old weekend routine.

Do I go along with the "ideas" of the bride and hope for the best? Or do I ensure a good time for everyone at an alternate, more entertaining location? Who am I obligated to here, the guests or the bride?

GENTLE READER: Your sister has added to the delightful game of "pay for my expensive party" by including a guessing component of what's in her head. What fun.

Miss Manners feels sure that when it comes to picking presents -- a time when guessing what will please her should necessarily be a component -- this bride would not dare leave that task up to chance. Ah, modern weddings.

It seems you are bound to fail at this task and promote discord either way. But while Miss Manners does not like these games, she does commend your sister, in part, at least, for having it "in her head" to save her guests money and inconvenience. And at least vaguely recognizing that a bachelorette party is a silly, optional gathering of friends, not a major vacation.

That she is (sort of) suggesting a party in a town where some of her friends live already virtually assures you and them a better time because it is a place that is more convenient and affordable. In this case, going against the bride's hints has the potential not only to disappoint her, but also to irritate guests who may or may not be more entertained by spending money on a vacation not of their choosing. Miss Manners suggests that in this case, you go with the bride -- and request that further wedding plans be made together and up front.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have invited some Jewish friends for dinner, although I know for sure they are non-kosher. What can I serve? Pork, beef, fish?

GENTLE READER? Yes. But probably not all at once.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Standing at an airport carousel waiting for my luggage, I noticed two small children playing with the moving belt by running their hands along the edge. Their (I assume) mother was some distance away engaged in conversation, so I spoke sharply and firmly at the children, "Stop doing that!" And they stopped.

As expected, since my words had attracted her attention, I received a nasty rebuke from Mom. Fortunately, my bag arrived, so I grabbed it and walked away without a word. Did I handle this situation properly?

GENTLE READER: Although etiquette generally bans disciplining other people's children, it makes an exception when danger of injury is imminent or even likely. Small, unattended children running their hands around moving machinery, while heavy objects hurtle toward them, amply justifies direct action. Miss Manners thanks you, even if their careless guardian did not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Help! I was accused of doing something at work that lacked manners, when in fact it was my co-worker who did it! Do I approach my boss and explain to him it was not I who did this, or just let it go?

My boss is being very petty regarding a gift basket that came to the office. My co-worker opened the gift basket immediately upon its arrival and took items from it without the other co-workers seeing it, let alone before we could thank the person who sent it.

My boss went on to contact the person who sent it, and then told the person he was embarrassed by my actions and told her I have no manners! I am disgusted, as I grew up with the BEST manners.

A part of me wants to let this go. Another part of me is upset and hurt that my boss would even say those things about me! What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Your boss not only slandered you, he also went out of his way to do so: Without his action, the gift-giver would have had no way of knowing who had pen in hand (to thank the giver), who had miniature jam bottles, and in what order.

Miss Manners discourages "letting it go" out of concern that the behavior, if left uncorrected, is likely to be repeated. Express your shock and hurt -- not your disgust or anger -- to your boss. This will give you the opportunity to slip in that a co-worker was the guilty party. More important, it should ensure that you are not the subject of future denunciations.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last year, a friend's brother passed, and I did not attend the viewing or funeral. Recently, another brother passed, and I would like to attend the viewing. Is this OK? I really don't have a good reason why I didn't attend last year's funeral.

GENTLE READER: You may certainly attend the upcoming funeral, but please stifle your inclination to blab about why you missed the previous one. The answer you give above may be honest, but it will not comfort a grieving friend. Miss Manners trusts no one will ask about your previous failure. But if they do, your answer should be, "Yes, I know. I'm so sorry that I missed it."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many grocery stores, and even restaurants, now seem to require their staff to chitchat with customers. While I appreciate this over what used to be the norm (texting while waiting on me, talking to co-workers), it's gone too far in the opposite direction.

I am now regularly asked, "What are your plans for today (or this weekend)?" or "What did you do this weekend?"

How can I respond in a polite way? These questions are intrusive. Honestly, I don't want/need more chitchat other than "How are you?" and I don't feel like sharing my plans with strangers.

GENTLE READER: Nor need you. These are not courtroom interrogations where you are required to answer fully and truthfully. Or even relevantly.

Miss Manners' response to those rote questions would be, "Fine, thank you, except that I ran out of food, which is why I'm here."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went to the WORST SHOWER ever.

My friends and I were NOT greeted at the door by anyone. Fifteen seconds after a young woman saw me struggling at the door with packages, with NO smile she said, "I'll take those."

The three of us walk into the kitchen. No one welcomes us; they just look at us. We get plates for food. The cheese cubes were, at most, 1/2-by-1/2-inch big. There was a vegetable tray -- yea! :) -- but the vegetable dip had ZERO flavor.

They offered huge bagels (is there SOMETHING we could put on them?!). There were small cupcakes with stale, thick icing. Drinks: lemonade or water in bottles. I looked around, and oops ... THAT WAS IT on the food and drinks.

Anyway, we're through eating, and NO ONE came to take our plates ... so I get up to take them. I'm walking around the kitchen with our plates, looking for the trash. FINALLY one of the women points and says, "The trash is over there." SIGH.:(

The shower starts. No one introduces anyone. The presents get opened. It's time to leave. NONE of the hostesses ever talk to my friends or to me. There were only 15 people attending. The one person who DID act wonderful is our friend, who is the mother-in-law of the mother-to-be.

Question: What SHOULD hostesses do at the shower?? I have been to AWESOME showers where young women hostesses were SO nice, hospitable, helpful; the food and punch were GREAT! This aforementioned shower was horrible.

GENTLE READER: Indeed. Miss Manners is happy to hear that your friends are not like that. As you seem to have survived, Miss Manners is focusing her worry on the innocent baby who will be exposed to people who have so little consideration for the feelings and comfort of others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone invites you to their private club, who should pay the bill?

GENTLE READER: Anyone who invites you anywhere should pay. That's what it means to invite someone, as opposed to agreeing to meet or go out together.

But Miss Manners notes that this is especially true at a private club, which is considered equivalent to the member's home (and where there should be a policy allowing only members to pay).

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)