DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please help me to learn the proper way to eat a cupcake, as I will be attending a few parties where they will be served.

GENTLE READER: Remove any wrapper. Eat -- placing the cupcake at an angle that minimizes the buildup of chocolate frosting on your nose. Apply napkin.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My siblings and I are struggling with entertaining members of the extended family -- our children's in-laws, and, from time to time, our siblings' spouses, who are used to a "camping style" lifestyle.

Must we adhere to their level of such informality at OUR houses when entertaining them?

In an effort to accommodate them, we completely scale back on the crystal and sterling and opt for stainless and regular glass, everyday china and only glasses we need, but like to draw the line at ketchup bottles, plastic bowls, etc., at the dinner table.

Our children say that our more formal (we call it proper!) way of dining makes their in-laws and spouses uncomfortable, even at holiday time. The in-laws say, and I quote, "I'm not even going to try and compete with you!" when we go to their homes.

This is NOT a competition -- it's just how we were raised! Cloth napkins, salad fork, dinner fork, nice table setting, serving pieces for food, etc.

So is "dumbing down" necessary, or is there a way to make it known to our children that their in-laws should not be uncomfortable with our lifestyle, just as we are not uncomfortable with theirs in our respective homes?

GENTLE READER: The importance that many people attach to "being comfortable" is matched only by their high-minded horror at hypocrisy. But Miss Manners fears that pointing out the hypocrisy of using etiquette as a cover for making you do what they want all the time will get you nowhere. Better to explain that you are more comfortable with silver and cloth napkins in your own home, and turn a deaf ear to any muttered accusations of being "old-fashioned."

She is curious why you would normally set out glasses you don't need. Are some members of the family particularly clumsy?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance has a pet peeve over lip smacking when someone eats, and points it out to me just about every time I eat around him. He is the first person to have ever mentioned this to me, and is also the first to mention that it bothers him.

While I try to tone it down, it is more of a subconscious habit and is not something I am aware of (or even hear) that I am doing until he says something.

It has gotten to the point where I don't want to eat around him! I am also starting to find that his mentioning it is nearly as rude as my doing it. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That, as he is rapidly getting to the point where he doesn't want to eat around you, you occupy separate tables at your wedding reception.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of a friend, who I see at some social events, does an odd thing. She will ask a question that is quite rude and none of her business, but add "I'm nosy" or "I'm rude" at the end. For example, she asked another guest, "When is that husband of yours going to get you pregnant? I'm nosy."

The idea, apparently, is that rudeness is acceptable when the person admits it ahead of time. What is the appropriate response?

GENTLE READER: "Evidently."

Miss Manners advises that this be said with a sympathetic smile and followed by silence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love seeing ladies in films wearing gloves, and despite current fashion, want to bring them into my daily wear. I feel femininity never goes out of style.

Aside from challenging a gentleman to a duel, when does a lady remove her gloves?

GENTLE READER: Actually it drives Miss Manners crazy to see gloved ladies in period films, plays and operas. They almost always keep them on while eating, drinking or even smoking. Eeeew.

The general rule was (and there is no need to repeal it, as most ladies have long since peeled off their gloves) that gloves were always worn outdoors and almost never indoors. As a result, ladies had to be adept in carrying their gloves while enjoying non-abstemious indoor activities.

The exceptions when gloves might be worn indoors included occasions such as getting married and/or dancing. And for safety's sake, Miss Manners advises wearing gauntlets for duels that are fought indoors.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were very close friends with a couple for many years. We moved away, but stayed in touch and, in the past few years, were able to visit. Six months ago, when we were visiting their city, they said that they had no friends.

Alas, the husband died suddenly of a stroke five months ago. I know that the wife has no siblings or parents left.

I have sent her a formal sympathy note and three more casual follow-ups. I wrote a poem in his memory. It seems almost like stalking, but I remember how bereft she was when her sister died and felt that sympathy was not sufficiently extended (in general -- I don't think she was pointing the finger at me).

I don't want to permit her to think that we are not feeling a lot of sympathy for her having lost her husband of almost 50 years. Yet her silence indicates that either our overtures are unwanted, or that her condition is so bad that she is emotionally overwhelmed.

When does an old friend stop reaching out? I do not want to continue down an upsetting path, nor do I wish to appear insensitive.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, the lady should have acknowledged your great show of sympathy. Miss Manners does not generally accept bereavement as an excuse for ignoring kindness. On the contrary, responding is a way of representing the deceased, as well as encouraging continuing friendship, of which this lady is apparently in special need.

But please do give it a last try, this time by calling or visiting, as your generous correspondence has unfortunately failed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were recently married, and about half of our close friends were able to attend. We were touched that they used their vacation time to attend our wedding.

Even so, the majority of our close friends who attended did not give us a congratulatory card or note and no gift of any kind. We had an online registry with affordable options, but it was hardly used.

We were a little hurt because we didn't ask them to spend much money on us outside of our wedding (no shower, etc.), and we always spend money on our friends to celebrate their life events (children, and hosting showers/bachelorette parties), so we thought that we would at least receive a card.

My friends spend lavishly on themselves, and our wedding cost about $150 per person. I understand if people can't afford much, but our friends earn about twice as much as us.

I feel petty for asking, but should I be insulted? I have never once forgotten to send a gift, even for weddings I can't attend. Is it now socially acceptable to not give anything to a bride and groom if their wedding is a destination wedding? Is the lack of even a sentimental note a sign that our friendship is not as strong as I thought, or am I overanalyzing it all?

GENTLE READER: Little clues in your question are giving Miss Manners pause. Like the fact that it was a destination wedding. How far a destination? That only half of your close friends were able to attend gives her an idea.

And tallying the price of the dinner you gave and the amount of money your friends earn and spend on themselves is as irrelevant as it is unseemly.

Yes, a wedding present is generally given and a sentimental note is always thoughtful, although hardly a tradition or necessity from those who attended. But it seems to Miss Manners that after what can now be up to a year or two of celebrations and festivities surrounding a wedding, guests are simply exhausted. And they feel they have shown their sentiment for the couple merely by continuing to show up -- and shell out.

How much more acknowledgment do you need? Surely it is time to turn your attentions to something else, like the marriage itself. Or as you stated at the outset, feeling grateful that your friends and family were there with you to celebrate it.

On (another) bright side, you have relatively few letters of thanks to send out -- a tradition that many brides find abhorrent even for the lavish presents that they do receive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will be unable to attend an annual dinner party for family members this year because of a particularly hurtful event between myself and another attendee. I want to say that I will not attend without going into detail. What is your advice?

GENTLE READER: To say that you will not attend without going into detail.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)