DEAR MISS MANNERS: A good friend adheres strictly to your rule that both corn-on-the-cob and asparagus may be eaten with the fingers. Unfortunately, the consumption of asparagus by this individual resembles nothing so much as a log being fed into a sawmill, and corn-on-the-cob an old-fashioned speed typist (with a manual typewriter) coming at full speed to the end of the row and zinging back to its opposite end.
How am I to reconcile these good manners with these unattractive sights presented at my dinner table?
GENTLE READER: By serving something less challenging.
In saying this, Miss Manners recognizes that the possibilities for annoying others at the table are limitless. And she realizes that by suggesting a change in the menu, she may be accused of reducing your freedom. Consider it an aesthetic choice, like those of celebrity chefs who insist on locally sourced foods.