DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have started using a website that enables travelers to rent private homes directly from the owners. I enjoy staying in someone's house much more than in a hotel.

However, I am not 100 percent clear on the etiquette differences between this versus a hotel or the private house of friend. I do know (or guess, rather) that a hostess gift is not needed; however, as I would in a private house of a friend, I do strip the bed prior to departing. Are there any specific rules Miss Manners recommends for travelers using such services?

GENTLE READER: With limited exceptions, good hotel manners are sufficient. Note, however, that Miss Manners' idea of good hotel manners includes not stealing the unused toiletries, rearranging the furniture or scratching the end tables.

The differences will be for any reasonable requests made by the renter and clearly necessary to the functioning of the arrangement. This can include taking one's trash out, cleaning the dishes one uses and admitting the maid, but should not extend to repairing the plumbing. Stripping the bed is polite although not required.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We were at a high-end, but small, group cocktail party. One of the guests promptly sat down on the sofa, poured himself another glass of wine and kicked off his shoes. I viewed this as inappropriate but couldn't find an etiquette rule.

GENTLE READER: It is difficult for Miss Manners to think of a form of entertaining that occurs around meal time -- but without providing either sustenance or a place to sit down -- as a formal event, no matter the price tags on the dresses. To her mind, a high-end cocktail party is either a tea or a dinner party.

She therefore empathizes with the guest who prefers sitting to looking over the shoulder of his current conversation partner in hopes of finding a better one.

Removing one's shoes, however, is a step too far. Written etiquette is light on the subject because until relatively recently, it seemed obvious that guests were expected to keep their clothes on, an assumption that began to erode when hosts started asking guests to leave their shoes at the door.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know it is rude to ask someone how much they make for a living. However, someone asked me the other day: Why is this question rude?

I couldn't quite explain. Could you please explain it for this person ... and for me?

GENTLE READER: You may be disappointed with Miss Manners' answer: Because.

She realizes you were looking for a justification for the rule based in logic. Perhaps, that it risks embarrassing the person being asked. Or that it seems as if you are gauging that person's worth. Or that it may appear to be competitive. Or that it could be an opening to bragging about your own income.

All of these are good reasons not to ask people how much they make for a living. But etiquette is a system of agreed-upon conventions, not always subject to logic. Asking about someone's sex life used to be embarrassing; at least it is still rude.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate for the Nobel Committee to call prize winners at all hours of the night in order to inform them of their award?

I understand that the Nobel Prize is very important, but it seems to me that it does not qualify as an emergency, and I assume that prize winners are busy people who may be expected to give lectures the next morning.

Also, I think that the Nobel Committee can be expected to be aware of time zone differences.

GENTLE READER: Probably the Nobel Committee can figure out the time difference. But Miss Manners warns you that you are suggesting that they deprive themselves of half the fun in giving out the prizes.

The routine is that some physicist or chemist who leads a quiet academic life is startled awake by the telephone, only to assume that a merry colleague or cheeky student has pried into his or her dreams and is ridiculing those secret fantasies.

"You can't fool me," says the winner crossly. "That fake accent of yours is terrible."

"What is it, dear?" asks the sleepy spouse.

"It's a hoax."

"How do you know?"

Meanwhile, the Nobel Committee representative, who has been through all this before, is hugely enjoying the situation while reassuring the winner that the dream has really come true.

As for the next morning's lecture, you needn't worry. Everyone in the lab will be swilling champagne, and no lectures will be given that day.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my girlfriend and I were walking into the supermarket, a man walking in the other direction (leaving) said hello to my girlfriend as he came abreast of her. He didn't say hello to us as a couple, but only to her.

She returned the hello, and continued walking with me into the supermarket.

I think it's inappropriate for a woman to reply. I think if a woman is walking with her man, she should ignore another man's hello, because she is in my company and it is disrespectful to do so.

What are your thoughts on this matter? Am I being too sensitive, or was it disrespectful for her to reply?

GENTLE READER: Too sensitive? To the lady's feelings, or to those of her acquaintance whom you want her to snub?

And for that matter, what about some respect for Miss Manners and the noble discipline she represents? Did you think she would encourage your lack of respect for these people, and supply ammunition with which you could further insult the lady while claiming respect for yourself?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I gave a dinner party where one person was a smoker while the remaining guests were not. The smoker excused himself to go outside to smoke during the meal.

Should I, as hostess, accompany him, leaving my husband to entertain the remaining guests? Or should we leave the smoker to his own devices?

GENTLE READER: Do you smoke? And if so, are you so heavily addicted that you feel you have to disrupt a dinner party in order to indulge?

Such is the unfortunate plight of your absent guest. Why you would consider imitating him, Miss Manners cannot imagine.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When arriving at someone's door, how many times should you knock?

GENTLE READER: It is considered courteous to stop knocking as someone's face appears at the door.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a very high-end restaurant, my fiance and I, who had a reservation, were seated far in the back near the desk where waiters run checks.

I asked the hostess if we could sit somewhere else. She said there was nothing available, but that we were welcome to wait at the bar until a new table opened up.

I said OK, and we waited for about 10 minutes at the bar until we were able to be seated somewhere much nicer.

I found out later that my fiance was mortified that I had even asked. Was this rude? I felt that if we were going to spend a large amount of money, I would like to be seated somewhere comfortable. I did not cause a scene or demand to be seated immediately.

GENTLE READER: Presuming that the food agreed with you, you have nothing to feel bad about.

If you are paying for a service, you should ask politely that it be to your liking, and this was a reasonable request that the staff could easily accommodate. A good restaurateur would prefer to accommodate you than to let you go away in dissatisfied silence. Besides, you probably ran up a nice bar tab while you were waiting.

If the hostess showed no objection, then Miss Manners assures you that your fiance should not either. Perhaps he should save his mortification for any untoward dinner conversation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to lunch by someone I did not really know, and during the luncheon, I realized that I had little in common with the person, and in fact did not like them much.

But I grew up with the understanding that if someone invites you to a social event, you are then obligated to reciprocate and invite that person to a similar occasion.

If this is still protocol, what does a person do when s/he finds out that they do not actually like the person who first invited them? Hosting a social event is not inexpensive, and I am on a limited budget.

Are there other options? Of course I mailed a formal handwritten thank-you after the affair; I also contributed a dish to the meal.

GENTLE READER: While it is generally polite to reciprocate social events, doing it precisely in kind is not necessary (it is only when the entertaining becomes completely one-sided that Miss Manners objects). It is not required if you do not enjoy the person's company, and your host may be equally relieved to bring the acquaintance to a graceful end.

A handwritten thank-you is enough. Any social repercussions -- not being issued further invitations by this person -- will, in this case, accomplish the desired result. Besides, by providing food, you fulfilled a hostly function yourself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)