DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm looking for the right thing to say in signing a card to a man I do love; however, I don't want to write the word "love."

I've come up with "your loving friend," but I need some other ways to express admiration without sending "I love you" or "With admiration and love ..."

What would you say? I don't want to push him away, but would love to express myself lovingly without actually saying it. Does this make sense?

GENTLE READER: It doesn't have to. It's love. Hesitant love, but love.

But Miss Manners supposes that the gentleman might try to make sense of it, in which case "Your loving friend" might be interpreted as the current, rather chilling use of "friend" in a possibly romantic situation, meaning, "I'd rather just be friends."

How about "Affectionately yours" or "Fondly yours"? Now that the "yours" is improperly so often dropped from "Sincerely" and "Very truly" (for those who have not yet succumbed to a mere "Best"), it might seem promising.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine whom I have grown distant from has invited me and three other friends to a members-only club for a dinner next month. I would feel very out of place at this type of establishment and have no interest in going. This friend has a new relationship with a wealthy fellow, and her lifestyle has changed since we first met.

The three other friends who are invited are excited to go to a private club. It took many attempts to pick a date for the four of us to meet. How do I back out graciously?

GENTLE READER: A bit snobbish, are we?

Miss Manners is not referring to your friend. That lady may have changed her dining venue, but she has invited her old friends to come along. It is you who feel that where you eat is more important than with whom.

All right, you can merely thank her and decline the invitation on the grounds that you find you cannot make that date after all, no specific reason necessary. But unless the club has a policy of discrimination justifying a boycott, this strikes Miss Manners as snobbish.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I like to host dinner parties, and before I plan the menu, I always ask guests if there are any foods they cannot eat.

However, now my partner has started to ask our guests for their suggestions as to what we should cook.

I always thought it was up to the host to decide what foods to cook and what wines to provide. I am very uncomfortable with suggestions from guests.

GENTLE READER: As well you should be. Your partner is abdicating the position of host to become an unpaid restaurateur.

Miss Manners understands that it is now necessary to inquire if prospective guests have any food restrictions. And she suspects that the extension of this beyond medical, religious and ethical concerns, to where people feel free to declare their mere tastes, could easily drive a cook crazy.

But even letting them place orders will not solve the problem. Wish your partner luck in getting all the guests to agree.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A young friend who is getting married this fall made an unusual request of me: to officiate at his wedding. I'm not a minister, but he is likely thinking of more like an MC.

I'm extremely flattered. I believe that besides his uncles and father, I'm his only friend of my age. All his other friends are more his age.

My wife says she doesn't approve of such things as being married by unofficial people. She says it demeans the ceremony. But these people are not religious.

What does Miss Manners think?

GENTLE READER: That your wife's objections are understandable, but misplaced.

No doubt your wife's true argument is over you and your friend thinking of a wedding officiant as an MC -- and therefore the ceremony as a sort of roast, rather than a dignified ritual.

Unfortunately, however, a minister is as capable of providing amateurish theatrics as a true amateur. Provided that you keep the ceremony dignified, Miss Manners has no objection to your presiding over it, with whatever authority may be provided to you on the internet.

If you feel that you cannot, then perhaps it is time to call in the professionals, as long as they are likewise vetted.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a Southerner who has an accent that goes along with my upbringing. I often come across people who grew up either "up North" or in areas far from the South who often will call attention to my accent.

Sometimes they seem charmed by it, but more often than not, the person in question seems to be making fun of it, and their comments are phrased in a way that is actually more of a put-down.

No one I know from the South would ever think of calling out someone with a Northern accent (considered rude), so I don't understand this.

Can you please recommend a clever way to respond to these patronizing comments?

GENTLE READER: "Oh, thank you" (regardless of the intended nature of the comment); "I'm rather proud of my accent and heritage. Now tell me about your accent and heritage."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a live theater performance last night, when I heard the voice of a young child asking questions during the show. This seems to be the norm these days, and as it costs a fair bit to attend one of these events, I am at a loss as to what to do.

I decided to turn around to see who was talking (though I said nothing and gave no dirty looks), and then it subsided a bit, but this doesn't always work.

I always hope to hear the adult tell the child that they'll answer questions at the intermission, but I never do. What would you do, Miss Manners?

GENTLE READER: The same as you, no doubt. Until intermission.

Then she might say to the child, "I wondered about some of your questions myself. Maybe the second half will provide some answers. Shall we watch and see? I know you'll have lots to talk about on the way home." This may be accompanied by a conspiratorial look to the parent that can pleasantly signify the subtext: "So be quiet and see."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In this computer age, what is the proper way to send condolences, please? Text and email are immediate, but seem impersonal. Snail mail letters are personal, but delayed.

GENTLE READER: At the risk of being indelicate, Miss Manners points out that speed is not a priority when expressing sympathy for a death. A handwritten letter is both more formal than an email or text and shows more effort -- two things that truly are important.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an enthusiastic board gamer. Most of the games I play are competitive, like chess. This can be as emotional as it is intellectual.

Early on, I noticed a tendency for the winner to immediately extend their hand for a handshake with a lot of enthusiasm before the loser has perhaps even noticed, or processed their loss.

It seems to me to be more appropriate for the loser to extend their hand. I like the idea of being able to show good sportsmanship in the wake of a loss by being the first to congratulate the victor. If I won, I feel I should be satisfied with my victory and not force good sportsmanship onto my opponent, who may just want some time to process.

So, at the end of the match, what's appropriate for the winner to do? The loser? Is it disrespectful for a winner not to extend their hand?

GENTLE READER: Victorious tennis players used to leap the net after the game to shake the loser's hand. The thinking was that victory imposed a greater etiquette burden on the winner to, as it were, "even up the score."

This has since been abandoned in favor of a handshake at the net. Miss Manners accepts either party's making the first move after a victory in any sport, requiring only that both sides perform the ceremony respectfully, omitting the perhaps more heartfelt glare, curse or throwing of sporting equipment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance invited me to a party and specifically requested that I not bring my girlfriend. Evidently, my girlfriend's ex will be at the party, and the host does not want anyone to feel uncomfortable.

I thanked her for the invitation and politely declined, as I have a previous engagement. The next day she sent me a message stating that she doesn't normally operate this way.

Should I respond to the message? If so, how?

GENTLE READER: Your would-be hostess is trying to be gracious in a difficult situation without, unfortunately, succeeding.

It was rude to specify that your girlfriend was not invited, but not knowing you well, she may have feared that an invitation to you alone might be assumed to include any girlfriends, houseguests, poker buddies, and so on.

Miss Manners wonders on what basis she decided that your girlfriend and her ex should not be in the same room, and, specifically, whether a third party -- perhaps the ex -- was involved.

You were perfectly right to decline politely, with or without a prior engagement. If you wish to acknowledge that the hostess had good intentions, then you may reassure her that you perfectly understand and were sorry you were unable to attend.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)