DEAR MISS MANNERS: How best can a hostess graciously accept compliments on her cooking?

When people remark on a particular dish or baked good, I find myself saying "Thank you," and then adding a disclaimer (i.e., "It was an easy recipe"). I feel uncomfortable simply saying "Thank you" without anything else, but perhaps this is the most polite response and I need to become accustomed to giving it. What should one add, if anything?

GENTLE READER: A winning smile. Miss Manners recognizes, without understanding, that most people find it difficult to accept a compliment with good grace. But she urges you to consider that attempts to convince the guest that your cooking is not worthy of compliment are neither flattering, appetizing, nor, she trusts, convincing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I enjoy completely different types of music. Her music puts me in a horrible mood.

It usually isn't a problem, because our house has enough room for me to get away from it. However, when we drive in her car, she insists on playing her music: "It's my car, and I'll listen to what I want to."

When we drive in my car, I ask her what she wants to listen to, hoping that we can agree on the same XM channel, which usually happens.

What are the rules on car radio etiquette? Is she right? Does the owner and driver of the car get to choose the music?

When it's a short trip for an errand, I can handle it. A long trip is torture. I thought about wearing earplugs. Yes, she does like a high volume with a little singing, too. No, she doesn't sing very well.

She said that she'll follow your rules of the road.

GENTLE READER: How about the rules of marriage, starting with Don't Torture Your Spouse?

Being in the driver's seat, literally or figuratively, does not relieve one of the need to consider the comfort of others, Miss Manners assures you. On the contrary, it confers the obligation to do so. The system your wife cites -- might makes right -- is what civilization was invented to overturn.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a workmate who posted his wife's baby shower invitation on the refrigerator door in the break room. He has not mentioned anything about it to anyone or given out private invitations.

Are we obligated to respond or buy a gift, or even RSVP, since little to no effort was really put forth on their part for inviting colleagues? I'm fairly put off, as I find this tacky and very impersonal. I just find this as someone looking to get as much as they can in any form with no other thought put into it.

GENTLE READER: Posting an invitation in the break room is not the same as issuing a formal invitation. Miss Manners gives you permission to ignore it so long as your workmate does not bring it to your attention. If he does, you will have to respond, mumbling that you didn't realize you were included, left your glasses at home and took lunch out all week.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It has been a long tradition that women with children should/could not wear a white wedding dress because they are not virgins.

Is this still the case? My niece is getting married in a beautiful white dress and just wondering if that is OK to do in 2016.

I am not opposed; I think that one should do what they want. Just thought I would go to you, Miss Manners.

GENTLE READER: And do you expect Miss Manners to uphold the vulgar notion that a wedding dress must trumpet the state of the body it contains?

It is true that etiquette, like law, respects tradition. But that involves exercising judgment about which traditions are worth preserving. Miss Manners can think of a great many patterns of behavior that have existed forever, and yet the world would be better off jettisoning.

The white wedding dress is not even a long tradition by her standards. It dates from 1840, when Queen Victoria defied the usual practice by wearing a white dress to her wedding. Considering how relentlessly that lady was watched by her mother and the court, we can assume that she was a virgin bride.

Until then, brides had worn whatever dresses they wished, in whatever colors. So that is a longer custom, and, incidentally, in keeping with your own current thinking of what is proper.

But fashion is fashion, and so many white-clad brides followed that the dress became a specific, and all-but-obligatory, costume for first-time brides. Widows and divorcees who remarried did not immediately adopt this custom because at that time, their weddings did not re-create the splashy pageantry that was beginning to develop and is now in full practice.

It took mean-spirited wedding guests to conclude that brides should be color-coded. It became a sport for them to speculate whether a particular bride was "entitled" to wear a white dress.

Surely you do not expect Miss Manners to defend such people, much less join them. Rather, she upholds the older tradition of brides wearing whatever color they choose, white included. (But lest you think she has gone wildly permissive, she warns them that black is the traditional color of mourning, and many people will assume that a bride in black is sad.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends for some years with a woman who is a college graduate, has been a teacher, raised three sons (all college grads and successful professionals), and considers herself to be a cultured woman.

However, she has a habit that I find impolite: During a meal, she will lick her knife after using it for her food, whether at home or in a restaurant. This is done very matter-of-factly, probably a habit she isn't aware of. I've never said anything, but what would you advise, if anything?

GENTLE READER: Not saying anything. Not even "Ewww," however tempting that might be. Miss Manners considers this especially necessary should your friend inadvertently slice off part of her tongue, and your attention will be needed to summon help.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Since my husband, then-teenage daughter and I relocated from New York some years ago, we have run into a rather awkward situation due to the fact that my husband greatly resembles a local politician who was voted out of office after passing some bond issue that left a local municipality in dire financial straits.

This all happened before we moved here, so we do not know all the particulars, but we have strangers approaching us out of the blue and calling him nasty names, making snide remarks about "Who is this, and where's your wife?"

This happens about a dozen times a year. When we politely explain that he is not who they think he is, they usually apologize and leave us alone, but some people do not believe us. Sometimes they become threatening.

We considered moving back home to New York when we retire, but our daughter has married here and just presented us with our only grandchild, so now we want to stay. Any advice for us?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you could announce the (belated) news of the birth of your grandchild or other such event in a local newspaper, complete with pictures of yourselves? You could even add, "Margaret and Thurber Innocent -- frequently mistaken for Governor No-Good" as part of the caption.

Miss Manners is not usually in favor of public announcements for anything other than weddings and deaths (especially since social media has made them all but redundant), but thinks that an exception could be made here.

Otherwise, continue as you have ("Yes, I understand that I do bear a resemblance, but I am not he") and hope that the harassment -- and public memory -- subsides. If it becomes threatening, of course call the authorities. Or give up and have your husband declare that he has amended his ways. America does so love a comeback.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it poor manners to drink water while you are eating? I have a small esophagus and choke very easily, so I take a drink after most bites that require chewing. My daughter's boyfriend told my grandson that I have "bad manners," which I felt was rude and out of line.

GENTLE READER: Yes, it was. And poor judgment, besides, to confide in your grandson. Miss Manners assures you that drinking water frequently is infinitely preferable to choking.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I mentioned to a new acquaintance that my mother died 25 years ago, she said, "I'm sorry."

It struck me as odd, because I am 65 years old and my grief was resolved decades ago. Is it appropriate to express condolences regardless of how much time has passed since the death of someone close?

GENTLE READER: As opposed to saying, "Aren't you over that yet?"

It is a peculiar task to expect someone to assess the state of relative grief-over-time with anyone, much less with a new acquaintance. That this person wished to express her sympathy is gracious -- and Miss Manners would consider it less so for you to question that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)