DEAR MISS MANNERS: It has been a long tradition that women with children should/could not wear a white wedding dress because they are not virgins.

Is this still the case? My niece is getting married in a beautiful white dress and just wondering if that is OK to do in 2016.

I am not opposed; I think that one should do what they want. Just thought I would go to you, Miss Manners.

GENTLE READER: And do you expect Miss Manners to uphold the vulgar notion that a wedding dress must trumpet the state of the body it contains?

It is true that etiquette, like law, respects tradition. But that involves exercising judgment about which traditions are worth preserving. Miss Manners can think of a great many patterns of behavior that have existed forever, and yet the world would be better off jettisoning.

The white wedding dress is not even a long tradition by her standards. It dates from 1840, when Queen Victoria defied the usual practice by wearing a white dress to her wedding. Considering how relentlessly that lady was watched by her mother and the court, we can assume that she was a virgin bride.

Until then, brides had worn whatever dresses they wished, in whatever colors. So that is a longer custom, and, incidentally, in keeping with your own current thinking of what is proper.

But fashion is fashion, and so many white-clad brides followed that the dress became a specific, and all-but-obligatory, costume for first-time brides. Widows and divorcees who remarried did not immediately adopt this custom because at that time, their weddings did not re-create the splashy pageantry that was beginning to develop and is now in full practice.

It took mean-spirited wedding guests to conclude that brides should be color-coded. It became a sport for them to speculate whether a particular bride was "entitled" to wear a white dress.

Surely you do not expect Miss Manners to defend such people, much less join them. Rather, she upholds the older tradition of brides wearing whatever color they choose, white included. (But lest you think she has gone wildly permissive, she warns them that black is the traditional color of mourning, and many people will assume that a bride in black is sad.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends for some years with a woman who is a college graduate, has been a teacher, raised three sons (all college grads and successful professionals), and considers herself to be a cultured woman.

However, she has a habit that I find impolite: During a meal, she will lick her knife after using it for her food, whether at home or in a restaurant. This is done very matter-of-factly, probably a habit she isn't aware of. I've never said anything, but what would you advise, if anything?

GENTLE READER: Not saying anything. Not even "Ewww," however tempting that might be. Miss Manners considers this especially necessary should your friend inadvertently slice off part of her tongue, and your attention will be needed to summon help.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Since my husband, then-teenage daughter and I relocated from New York some years ago, we have run into a rather awkward situation due to the fact that my husband greatly resembles a local politician who was voted out of office after passing some bond issue that left a local municipality in dire financial straits.

This all happened before we moved here, so we do not know all the particulars, but we have strangers approaching us out of the blue and calling him nasty names, making snide remarks about "Who is this, and where's your wife?"

This happens about a dozen times a year. When we politely explain that he is not who they think he is, they usually apologize and leave us alone, but some people do not believe us. Sometimes they become threatening.

We considered moving back home to New York when we retire, but our daughter has married here and just presented us with our only grandchild, so now we want to stay. Any advice for us?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you could announce the (belated) news of the birth of your grandchild or other such event in a local newspaper, complete with pictures of yourselves? You could even add, "Margaret and Thurber Innocent -- frequently mistaken for Governor No-Good" as part of the caption.

Miss Manners is not usually in favor of public announcements for anything other than weddings and deaths (especially since social media has made them all but redundant), but thinks that an exception could be made here.

Otherwise, continue as you have ("Yes, I understand that I do bear a resemblance, but I am not he") and hope that the harassment -- and public memory -- subsides. If it becomes threatening, of course call the authorities. Or give up and have your husband declare that he has amended his ways. America does so love a comeback.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it poor manners to drink water while you are eating? I have a small esophagus and choke very easily, so I take a drink after most bites that require chewing. My daughter's boyfriend told my grandson that I have "bad manners," which I felt was rude and out of line.

GENTLE READER: Yes, it was. And poor judgment, besides, to confide in your grandson. Miss Manners assures you that drinking water frequently is infinitely preferable to choking.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I mentioned to a new acquaintance that my mother died 25 years ago, she said, "I'm sorry."

It struck me as odd, because I am 65 years old and my grief was resolved decades ago. Is it appropriate to express condolences regardless of how much time has passed since the death of someone close?

GENTLE READER: As opposed to saying, "Aren't you over that yet?"

It is a peculiar task to expect someone to assess the state of relative grief-over-time with anyone, much less with a new acquaintance. That this person wished to express her sympathy is gracious -- and Miss Manners would consider it less so for you to question that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Occasionally friends, on my birthday or Christmas, have given me a card announcing they've made a (financial) gift in my name to their favorite cause, which is not one I'm particularly a supporter of, although not one to which I'm opposed.

Since gifts among us are not expected, I always find this awkward. Is there a polite way of responding?

GENTLE READER: Ah yes, the Potemkin gift: one that is not a gift, but which you cannot fail to acknowledge without giving offense.

Miss Manners sympathizes, but still requires a thank-you note, perhaps one saying how good it is of them to support a cause that you know is special to them.

She would recommend that you also say how much you are looking forward to learning about this unfamiliar organization if she did not fear that your friend would miss the implication -- and instead bombard you with propaganda.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While it is currently common etiquette practice to send thank-you notes after a job interview, is this practice in fact confusing personal with business? And does sending notes on stationery further confuse this purpose, which is to find a qualified candidate for the position?

I do understand that an interviewer does not have to interview the individual and could just as easily pass the person over, but it does seem to be mixing business with personal.

GENTLE READER: Everyone has business correspondence for which it is not acceptable to use the current employer's letterhead. In addition to interview thank-you letters, personal stationery is properly used for job application letters and for threatening to sue the phone company, to give two examples. It can even be used for congratulation or condolence notes to co-workers.

While Miss Manners sometimes recognizes the need to refer to "personal stationery" to distinguish it from company letterhead, so naming it does not render it unfit for all business correspondence, any more than calling an invitation "personalized" makes it so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a phrase such as "As you know," or "As you have no doubt heard," precedes a bit of news of which the recipient has, in fact, no previous awareness, is it proper to correct the news-bearer's mistaken impression?

On the one hand, it seems petty; on the other, it could inform the person that a channel of communication assumed to be working had failed. For example, an email that was supposed to be sent to a group was not delivered. My typical response is, "Actually, I had not heard, but thank you for telling me."

GENTLE READER: There is another possibility, namely that the speaker is attempting to avoid responsibility for the failure to deliver the news in a timely manner. However, Miss Manners agrees that your response is both proper and efficacious, whatever the speaker's motivation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)