DEAR MISS MANNERS: My girlfriend is very particular about table manners. She makes a point of leaving a scattering of food on her plate at the end of a meal rather than finishing every crumb as I do.

I know it only amounts to one or two forkfuls, but having traveled extensively in very poor countries, I think this is wasteful and absurd. The plates are also harder to wash. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That she would like to be excused before someone discovers her responsibility in this matter. But that would be cowardly.

The sad truth is that a century ago, it was indeed the case that children in families that could afford it were taught not to finish everything on their plates. The embarrassing part is that the rule was phrased as "Leave something for Miss Manners" (and in England, "Leave something for Lady Manners").

So yes, while some people were starving, others were wasting food. Miss Manners was not starving, because she got all the rich folks' leftovers.

It was Eleanor Roosevelt's grandmother who repealed this rule. As recounted in Mrs. Roosevelt's "Book of Common Sense Etiquette": "My grandmother came to believe that food was needed in the world and we who had an abundance should not waste it."

Miss Manners agrees -- thoroughly and, as you might notice, selflessly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude for two co-workers to carry on a whispered conversation in the next cubicle? Would it be rude to ask them to whisper a little bit louder?

GENTLE READER: What, exactly, would you say? "I'm so sorry, but could you speak a bit louder, please? I'm having trouble eavesdropping."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Friends like to lend me books because they know I like to read.

Almost all my reading is done electronically, by borrowing books from the local library. I am notified by email when a title that I have requested is available. I then have a window of time to read that book before the book is gone from my reading device.

Should I read the lent book from a friend first, and possibly not get my own book read in time, or should I read my own book first, and read my friend's book only when I don't have any of my own books pending, thereby keeping my friend's book longer then the lender might have intended, although never specified?

GENTLE READER: Well, then, specify.

Miss Manners rather doubts that people recommend and then lend books unless they have already finished reading them, or never intend to do so. Thus, there is probably not a rush to get them back. But she does understand that a point can be reached when the lender begins to think that the book will never find its way home.

So she suggests saying, "It could be a while before I get to it. Shall I ask you for it then, or is it all right if I take it now?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I politely state that lunch will not be provided on a birthday party invitation?

GENTLE READER: By saying it will be at 10:30 a.m., or 3 p.m., or midnight. Just don't hold it at lunchtime.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: To keep track of my daily physical activity, I wear a fitness tracking device on my wrist. One of my social activities includes singing in a choir that meets once a week.

There is a young lady in my choir who comes up to me and taps my tracker to see what my activity has been. She is not a friend, just someone who is also a choir member. She has also suggested that we post our activity on social media so we can see what each other does.

Yikes! Nothing could be more unappealing to me!

By nature I am a very private person. I do not post my personal information on social media and find her interest in my daily activity quite disturbing. I do not want to seem hostile or hurt her feelings, so I've taken to removing my tracker when I go to choir practice.

Perhaps it is a generational thing (I'm in my 60s and she's probably in her early 30s), but in this age of no-boundaries social media, it seems that nothing is private anymore. This feels as intrusive as someone opening my purse to see what I have.

GENTLE READER: Indeed. Taking it off certainly solves the problem, but you could also say, "Oh, I just do it for myself. I don't really want to compare my activity to others and broadcast my achievements. I'm sure you understand."

It is not lost on Miss Manners that (a) most likely she will not understand, nor would anyone of her generation; and (b) the world would be a far more civilized place if they did.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My best pal and I have lunch together about once a month. Lately -- even in the middle of our conversation -- he has taken to checking for text messages on his cellphone. He has done this as many as five times in the space of an hour, and even takes a minute or more to reply.

I have tried interrupting myself when he does this, but he merely waves a hand and says, "Go ahead -- I'm listening." Once I even pulled a crossword puzzle out of my pocket and worked on it until he noticed. But he still didn't get the point and simply observed, "Working on the crossword?"

What does one say or do in the face of such rudeness without torpedoing a friendship?

GENTLE READER: Have you tried texting him? It might read something like, "I do so enjoy our time together face to face. But if this is a bad time and you have something pressing, perhaps we should reschedule."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it impolite to leave one of anything, such as one cookie, or should you just finish the package and throw it away?

GENTLE READER: Are you sneaking into someone else's cupboard? Because if it is your own cupboard, you can do what you like, and if you are being offered cookies elsewhere, they should be on a plate, not in the package.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How much of your yearly salary should be spent on an engagement ring?

GENTLE READER: Having been privy to a conversation among some young male economists about the cost-benefit relationship of an engagement ring (the benefit being the amount of love inspired by the size of the diamond), Miss Manners can assure you that any formula is as foolish as it is distasteful.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our book club selects books to read in the following way: The person whose turn it is to host suggests two or three choices, and we vote on them.

On several occasions, members have proposed, and we have selected, books by friends or acquaintances. Sometimes a member even suggests that the author attend the meeting at which we discuss the book.

This feels very awkward to me. I feel that the books should be chosen on merit alone, and that this criterion is receding into the background. Sometimes I think the member proposing the book is doing so with an eye to increasing sales. (Some of these books are self-published and are "struggling to find an audience," shall we say.)

More important, we try to have frank discussions of the books we read for this group, and frank discussion seems much less likely when the author is a friend or acquaintance. Having the author actually present for the discussion seems even more likely to inhibit our discussion.

What is your view of the matter? And how can I delicately explain my position to the group?

GENTLE READER: Suggesting to the group that you avoid authors known by members of the group, as it will inhibit the kind of free discussion that the group prizes, should be easy enough. So long as you omit the part about selecting books only on quality, Miss Manners sees no impediment to raising the issue even with an author present.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Regarding towels to be used in a powder room -- what size towel is correct?

I have seen tiny towels the size of a washcloth, hand towels, printed paper towels and full-size bath towels. If I encounter a tiny towel and it becomes totally damp after I use it, should I tell the hostess?

My friend uses printed paper towels, but the dye often comes off on my hands. The only other towels in her powder room are very fancy and tied with a ribbon, so I assume they are not to be used at all. Help!

GENTLE READER: Oh, no, not the guest towel fetish again. Miss Manners hardly knows who is more ridiculous -- guests who refuse to touch anything except paper, or hosts who imagine that cloth towels are untouchable works of art.

She can only advise you to do the best you can, leaving the wet towel in its used state without complaint.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)