DEAR MISS MANNERS: To keep track of my daily physical activity, I wear a fitness tracking device on my wrist. One of my social activities includes singing in a choir that meets once a week.

There is a young lady in my choir who comes up to me and taps my tracker to see what my activity has been. She is not a friend, just someone who is also a choir member. She has also suggested that we post our activity on social media so we can see what each other does.

Yikes! Nothing could be more unappealing to me!

By nature I am a very private person. I do not post my personal information on social media and find her interest in my daily activity quite disturbing. I do not want to seem hostile or hurt her feelings, so I've taken to removing my tracker when I go to choir practice.

Perhaps it is a generational thing (I'm in my 60s and she's probably in her early 30s), but in this age of no-boundaries social media, it seems that nothing is private anymore. This feels as intrusive as someone opening my purse to see what I have.

GENTLE READER: Indeed. Taking it off certainly solves the problem, but you could also say, "Oh, I just do it for myself. I don't really want to compare my activity to others and broadcast my achievements. I'm sure you understand."

It is not lost on Miss Manners that (a) most likely she will not understand, nor would anyone of her generation; and (b) the world would be a far more civilized place if they did.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My best pal and I have lunch together about once a month. Lately -- even in the middle of our conversation -- he has taken to checking for text messages on his cellphone. He has done this as many as five times in the space of an hour, and even takes a minute or more to reply.

I have tried interrupting myself when he does this, but he merely waves a hand and says, "Go ahead -- I'm listening." Once I even pulled a crossword puzzle out of my pocket and worked on it until he noticed. But he still didn't get the point and simply observed, "Working on the crossword?"

What does one say or do in the face of such rudeness without torpedoing a friendship?

GENTLE READER: Have you tried texting him? It might read something like, "I do so enjoy our time together face to face. But if this is a bad time and you have something pressing, perhaps we should reschedule."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it impolite to leave one of anything, such as one cookie, or should you just finish the package and throw it away?

GENTLE READER: Are you sneaking into someone else's cupboard? Because if it is your own cupboard, you can do what you like, and if you are being offered cookies elsewhere, they should be on a plate, not in the package.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How much of your yearly salary should be spent on an engagement ring?

GENTLE READER: Having been privy to a conversation among some young male economists about the cost-benefit relationship of an engagement ring (the benefit being the amount of love inspired by the size of the diamond), Miss Manners can assure you that any formula is as foolish as it is distasteful.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our book club selects books to read in the following way: The person whose turn it is to host suggests two or three choices, and we vote on them.

On several occasions, members have proposed, and we have selected, books by friends or acquaintances. Sometimes a member even suggests that the author attend the meeting at which we discuss the book.

This feels very awkward to me. I feel that the books should be chosen on merit alone, and that this criterion is receding into the background. Sometimes I think the member proposing the book is doing so with an eye to increasing sales. (Some of these books are self-published and are "struggling to find an audience," shall we say.)

More important, we try to have frank discussions of the books we read for this group, and frank discussion seems much less likely when the author is a friend or acquaintance. Having the author actually present for the discussion seems even more likely to inhibit our discussion.

What is your view of the matter? And how can I delicately explain my position to the group?

GENTLE READER: Suggesting to the group that you avoid authors known by members of the group, as it will inhibit the kind of free discussion that the group prizes, should be easy enough. So long as you omit the part about selecting books only on quality, Miss Manners sees no impediment to raising the issue even with an author present.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Regarding towels to be used in a powder room -- what size towel is correct?

I have seen tiny towels the size of a washcloth, hand towels, printed paper towels and full-size bath towels. If I encounter a tiny towel and it becomes totally damp after I use it, should I tell the hostess?

My friend uses printed paper towels, but the dye often comes off on my hands. The only other towels in her powder room are very fancy and tied with a ribbon, so I assume they are not to be used at all. Help!

GENTLE READER: Oh, no, not the guest towel fetish again. Miss Manners hardly knows who is more ridiculous -- guests who refuse to touch anything except paper, or hosts who imagine that cloth towels are untouchable works of art.

She can only advise you to do the best you can, leaving the wet towel in its used state without complaint.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My last three lunches with different groups of friends have resulted in total discussion of food allergies and gastrointestinal issues.

It seems everyone is self-diagnosed with gluten, lactose or egg intolerances, or a variety of other issues, and they have to discuss this prior to ordering and throughout the meal. The poor wait staff need chemistry degrees to answer all the questions about the food, even after they provide special menus for these people's issues.

They also like to discuss their resulting symptoms, which are not very appetizing. Then on top of this, yesterday I was told it must be nice to be healthy as a horse, since I had been quietly listening to the discussion and made no comments on the discussion at hand.

When the dessert tray comes out, everyone agrees that you have to push the limits once in a while and order up.

I am not enjoying my friends and do not plan to continue joining them for meals. Is anyone else experiencing this new trend?

GENTLE READER: Oh, yes. It wasn't bad enough that private entertaining has been all but ruined by the difficulty of providing a menu that meets the multitude of needs -- and, more often, demands -- of guests. And also that conversation has been ruined by discussing it all.

It seems that people cannot even refrain from spoiling restaurant outings, where they can each order their own meals.

Miss Manners cannot blame you for quitting these sessions. It cannot be much fun spending time becoming acquainted with other people's digestive systems.

But if these people are good friends with otherwise redeeming qualities, perhaps you can suggest a few rules:

-- That anyone with particular requirements be in touch with the restaurant in advance to ensure that these can be met.

-- That there will be a total ban on discussing food during the meal, with the only possible exception being a spontaneous "Yum!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our youngest son got married last year. I have one friend who emailed me four times asking when she is going to get a thank-you card from the newly married couple. She even asked two of our mutual friends if they received anything.

My son's wife is in school, pursuing a law degree, looking for an internship and also volunteering, and not home all day doing nothing.

I have personally thanked many people, and told them that eventually there will be an official thank-you card. Most people don't mind. They say it's the 21st century. My daughter-in-law also says she will send cards within the first year of marriage.

GENTLE READER: No, she won't. There will never be a time that she considers acknowledging other people's generosity as important as her studies, internship, volunteering, and whatever else she is doing, including resting up from all that.

But other people also have busy lives, and some of them took the time and trouble to be generous to her and your son, who could equally well write the letters. (Where is his responsibility in your complaint?) Thanks are due when presents are received -- that there is a year's leeway is an unfortunate myth.

Miss Manners warns you not to take comfort in your friends' polite assurances that they don't care. There is no 21st-century ruling that gratitude has been abolished while generosity must be continued.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)