DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I took my 5-year-old to the pediatrician for a physical, the child was playing a video game on my phone while waiting for the doctor.

The doctor knocked, came in, said "Hi" with a smile. He looked at my kid and while saying, "Hi, how are you doing?" he took the phone from my kid's hands without asking.

I was offended. I do not think this is appropriate to do to anyone, not even a child. He should have said: "Hey, buddy, we need to pay attention now. Let's leave the game for another time."

I did not say anything because I don't want to strain the patient-doctor relationship and because he is a good doctor. Still, I want to point this out to him so that he minds his manners. My child should not get used to adults being disrespectful toward him.

How should I have communicated my discomfort to the doctor about his behavior without making the next visit awkward?

GENTLE READER: It has been Miss Manners' experience that professionals who spend time around children understand their desire to be treated like adults, but your pediatrician seems instead to have modeled his own manners on those of a child.

Very well. Ask the doctor for the phone, and then show it to your child in front of the pediatrician, saying, "Dylan, the doctor would appreciate it if you would put your phone away so that he can examine you."

A good pediatrician will recognize a parent modeling good behavior. Dylan, who did nothing wrong, will be irritated, but you can explain it to him in the car on the way home.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I feel that when I receive an invitation for dinner at a friend's house, the host should specify upfront whether my boyfriend is included in the invitation. If he is not included, I can accept or decline without consulting my boyfriend or asking the host to include him, which occasionally leads to hurt feelings on my boyfriend's part.

Is it possible to politely ask if I may bring my boyfriend in a way that doesn't put the host on the spot? And is it possible to politely tell someone that I want them to attend solo without hurting their feelings or their partner's feelings? I usually avoid inviting someone who might be offended by my asking them to come solo.

GENTLE READER: The way to ask if you may bring your boyfriend without putting your host on the spot is to decline the invitation.

Miss Manners realizes this is confusing. Explain that while you would love to attend, you have promised to spend the evening with him. Your host may then choose whether to accept your answer or modify the invitation to include your boyfriend.

And the way to entertain half of an established couple is to do so at lunch.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm planning to give a pair of tickets to an event to a friend for his birthday, but don't want him to feel obligated to invite me as his guest to the event. Any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: If you are asking how to ensure that your friend does not invite you, Miss Manners suggests you tell him that you know how much he will enjoy the event --because you have already seen it.

If your actual question is how to have him invite you without your having to appear to be applying pressure, she suggests you either give the tickets without comment, or select a different present.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In our group of friends, we have two guys that we assume are dating but who aren't confirming anything, even though their affection toward each other is really obvious.

Is it rude if we ask them about their relationship? Or do we just keep quiet and wait until they admit it themselves?

GENTLE READER: Why do you need to know? Especially as they do not feel the need to tell you?

At best, anticipating other people's announcements deprives them of the pleasure of doing so themselves. At worst, wrong guesses cause embarrassment.

Therefore, Miss Manners bans all such questions, including "Are you pregnant?" "Did you get into your first-choice college?" "When are you two getting married?" and "Haven't you found a job yet?" She asks you to be patient; your friends will either tell you, or they will not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a large bookstore, part of a multinational chain. We provide a limited number of chairs, which customers may use to examine their books before, one hopes, buying them.

It is not uncommon for our customers to remove their shoes while they relax in these chairs. I hope I don't have to explain why this disturbs me, my co-workers and, I assume, other customers.

Unfortunately, my employer (that is, the chain, not the management of my store) has what they deem a "Just Say Yes!" philosophy of customer service, and will not be amenable to something as simple as a "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service" sign, or the equivalent.

But if I can find a polite but clever and (at least nominally) inoffensive way of suggesting that people keep their shoes on, I do not have much fear of retribution from my immediate supervisors. Anything I say can't reference store policy, or the like. What would you suggest saying?

GENTLE READER: "Watch out for staples and paper clips."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have found websites where I can generate my own thank-you notes (I pick out the card, type the message, etc.), and the website prints the cards with my message and mails it directly to the recipient.

It may start out electronic, but the recipient ends up with a printed card with my personal message, even if it is not in my own handwriting. Do you feel this is still personal enough, or should I stick with the traditional note cards in my own handwriting?

GENTLE READER: As you realize, this is not quite as personal as it would be if you wrote your thanks in your own hand on a piece of paper and mailed it. It doubtless also costs slightly more in both time and money to engage a service. Why people assume they come out ahead by farming out such a simple task, Miss Manners cannot imagine.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable to talk at the dinner table?

GENTLE READER: In fact, it is obligatory, if others are present. Dinner is a social ritual, not just a feeding time. Miss Manners considers that the ability to alternate talking and chewing, without ever mixing the two, is one of the basic skills of civilization.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Who is the boss of the airplane window?

I happen to enjoy sitting next to the window so I can look out at the scenery below and because looking out helps me feel less claustrophobic. However, many people prefer the cabin nice and dark so they can look at their various devices.

At 8 a.m. on a long flight, a woman asked me to shut my window. I explained that I liked it at least halfway up as it helped me feel less claustrophobic. She summoned the flight attendant and got that woman to insist that I shut my window completely. Not wishing to cause trouble at 10,000 feet, I complied, becoming bored and anxious.

Conversely, when I am in an aisle seat, is it rude to ask the stranger next to me to raise the shade, especially when landing?

So who is in charge? The person sitting right by the window, or everyone else on a plane?

GENTLE READER: The person seated by the window -- with limitations, of course. After all, the person on the aisle is in charge of access to the bathroom, but would be wrong to deny you yours. Compromises must be made.

In order to fend off future scuffles, Miss Manners suggests that you politely inform your travel companions of your window preferences as soon as you are seated. But if their preferences are more pressing than yours, then you should oblige.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have lived in my neighborhood for 26 years. One of my neighbors, who has also lived here for 26 years, built a new home four miles away. It has been five months since the move, and no one has been invited over to see her new home.

I thought that she would be having a housewarming party at some point in time, but I did send a new-home card with a gift card to a local nursery right after the move.

Another neighbor saw her and asked when she could come to see her new house. The reply was, "When I have my going-away party."

We do not know how to fix this. We have always had going-away parties for people moving out of state for their jobs, but never just to move to a new home nearby. This neighbor did have a party for a couple next door to her who were moving because they were getting divorced.

Should we have given her a going-away party for moving four miles away? We have still gone to lunch with her, gone to dinner with them, had the couple over for bonfires and included her in showers.

GENTLE READER: Watch out for people who demand that parties be given for them.

But "whoops!" you are one of them. Your now-somewhat-more-distant neighbor is sulking because she was not given a farewell party. And you are complaining that she isn't giving a housewarming party.

Miss Manners would call that a draw. As the neighbors continue to include the former neighbor socially, the test will be whether she reciprocates that sort of hospitality, not whether either of you is owed a party from the past.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)