DEAR MISS MANNERS: Now that I am working every day, I take a bus from my local park-and-ride to my stop in town, which means I often see people I know. Because my commute tends to be about 35 minutes to 40 minutes one way, I will bring a book to read, which I enjoy very much.

When I see an acquaintance on the bus, am I required to converse with them beyond a simple "Hello"?

Ideally, I would like to pass the time by reading my book in peace, but I always refrain from fear of being rude. Usually this means I am stuck conversing with the person for the whole ride, since it is not as if I can excuse myself and step away.

Moreover, does the seating in the scenario make a difference? One time I had to twist myself around in order to see my acquaintance, who sat behind me, because he just kept asking me questions. What about when the person is sitting next to me? Across the aisle?

On average, I probably see someone I know every week and a half, so I suppose it isn't a huge issue. Should I just suck it up and be social? Or is there a polite way to deflect conversation?

GENTLE READER: Discussions require a minimum of two participants. And for all you know, your partner may feel equally trapped.

While it is rude to ignore another person, there are polite ways to discourage chatty fellow commuters on public transportation. Miss Manners recommends that after an initial bout of friendliness, you refrain from an excess of effervescence.

Allow a lull in the conversation, and then say how lovely it was to catch up, quickly diving into your book. The person who instead wishes to deliver a monologue would be guilty of being rude, and can be handled with a pleasant explanation that you are at an interesting point in your book and really want to find out what happens.

The explanation can be reworded, if necessary, perhaps with a look of alarm, if you are reading the financial papers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whenever I give my 11-year-old granddaughter a gift, she always let me know exactly how she feels about it. (Not new; she's done this since age 5.) She doesn't act like she ever likes anything and seldom says "thank you."

I gave her a pair of earrings and a set of flannel (high-quality) sheets, both with the peace sign motif she likes. Several days ago, she told me she won't use the sheets because they don't match her room (the colors were the same as on her walls) and she doesn't like them.

Do you think that's rude, and should I speak to my daughter about it?

GENTLE READER: Children must be taught that expressing pleasure and gratitude for gifts is not just good manners, but also good policy, because it encourages future generosity.

While one can legitimately debate how open to reason is a typical 5-year-old, Miss Manners would have recommended that you approach your daughter, your granddaughter, or both, sometime in the last six years. It will be harder now to explain why you don't enjoy giving those presents, but you should try.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an Italian who has lived most of her life in Italy and has now relocated to the United States. Fortunately, I have easily made many friends and am quite happy here.

When American friends invite me to dinner, unfortunately, they often serve me their idea of Italian spaghetti, thinking kindly that I must be "homesick" for spaghetti. But this is meant very well, and I always enjoy their attempts, and often invite them to my house for more authentic Italian meals, so we are all happy.

My difficulty is the inability of Americans to eat spaghetti. In Italy, spaghetti is eaten very neatly and easily using a dinner fork and no other utensil. Americans are unable to do this, and make a horrid mess trying to help themselves along with an additional soup spoon, or knife, or lots of slurping.

However, I have come to realize that the reason they cannot manage with a fork alone is mainly because they are using the wrong kind of plates. Spaghetti must be served in a shallow, flat-bottomed bowl with a wide rim, and then it is easy to roll the strands around the fork, holding the tines of the fork to the bottom of the side of the bowl.

I have never criticized anyone about table manners, as I am well aware of the many differences between European and American customs! But I would like to help my struggling friends.

I want to invite them to dinner, serve a "primo" of spaghetti in my Italian pasta bowls, and hope that someone will say, "These are the perfect bowls for spaghetti!" And then I will, with a big smile, present each couple with a set of bowls, saying that this is a thank-you gift for their thoughtfulness in making me feel at home here.

But what are these bowls called, in an American dinner set?

GENTLE READER: Unless you can find a company that frankly makes pasta bowls, the nearest equivalent in American china patterns is the large, flat-rimmed soup plate.

But you are in danger of being called names yourself by Americans who claim to have learned the additional use of a soup spoon from their Italian grandmothers.

Mind you, Miss Manners knows that you are perfectly right about Italian manners, which are also correct here. But she has stated this before and encountered such protests.

Apparently something was lost in the generational translation. It is as if Texas grandmothers, speaking of ribs at barbecues, had said that of course one can use the hands -- and their descendants had taken that to mean that meat can always be eaten that way.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate attire (men and women) for an outdoor Celebration of Life ice cream social that is being held in the springtime, several months after my friend's passing?

GENTLE READER: While black is the color of mourning, the color of ice cream socials is more likely to be strawberry or pistachio. You do have a bit of a conflict there.

In this case, Miss Manners considers that as it would be peculiar to have a bunch of people celebrating in black, the party atmosphere should prevail.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Invited to dinner, on the way out the door I was called back by a ringing telephone. The daughter of my host called to ask me to make a detour on my way to pick up special cream cheese for an hors d'oeuvre she was preparing.

I did as asked and delivered the cheese. When she didn't offer to reimburse me for the purchase, I later presented her with the bill via email. This modern Millie then took me to task, reminding me that I was receiving value in the meal I partook.

Was I wrong to expect reimbursement for the cheese? And what do you make of this young woman's stance regarding what is to be expected of a guest?

GENTLE READER: Everyone is so out of line here, Miss Manners does not know where to start.

That the daughter of the host asked you to run an errand for her was cheeky (unless your relationship is like that of family, which Miss Manners is inferring it is not), and that she did not reimburse you is thoughtless.

But presenting her with a bill is not the answer. You could have said (sweetly) at the time, "It was lucky that I was still home when you called. The cream cheese cost $( ). If you're busy now, I can get that from you later." Or you could have let it go and resolved to be unavailable for future errand-running.

But that this unpleasantness escalated into an argument over the relative value of a dinner party and the host-to-guest monetary ratio is beyond all tenets of polite society -- and the very antitheses of graciousness. On that, Miss Manners regrets to inform you that if you are in it for the money, you will find yourself with a social life of diminishing returns.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a new tradition of not opening gifts at baby/wedding showers in front of the guests?

I have been invited to several in the past few years and waited for hours, only to be told they were not opening the gifts. It also seems to be true when you bring a gift after the baby is born. Personally, I don't like it and will probably skip future invites.

GENTLE READER: Really? You are upset that you don't have to watch someone open presents -- from a list that no doubt the recipient provided -- for hours on end? And you are threatening to boycott this non-activity?

These hosts have figured out that this is not entertainment. However, Miss Manners suspects that what they have not figured out is how to warn their guests not to wait for the unwrapping before they can leave -- and that writing a thank-you letter is required.

She assumes that that is why you are boycotting future endeavors. If you do choose to go, however, you have permission to ask -- after a reasonable amount of time has passed -- if presents are going to be opened. And to omit future ones if thank-you letters are not received.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)