DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is my obligation to reply to unsolicited business contacts? I recently received a second email from a person who wishes to sell me something. I ignored his first message, but his second was personalized and suggested that we meet (presumably in my office) at a specific time and date. I have no interest, and in any case will be busy then.

Should I politely respond that I do not wish to use his product? Or is it acceptable to merely continue ignoring his requests and those like it?

GENTLE READER: You are under no obligation to respond to commercial solicitations. These are not your friends, no matter how familiarly they address you ("Hi, Bob! Can we talk insurance for a minute?").

However, if you wish to put an end to these requests, it might be wise to say, "I'm sorry, but my company and I are not interested in your product. Please take us off of your contact list." Miss Manners does not guarantee results.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my housemates constantly keeps napping in the living room, usually when I am still in it.

His justification is that "it's a common room." But mine is, "Napping is an activity that takes the commonality out of the common room, and there are other rooms for napping." Is this considered inconsiderate to me, or am I just being too territorial?

GENTLE READER: Your housemate's ownership of the room is equal to your own, Miss Manners is afraid. But this also means that, without being provocatively inconsiderate, you need not refrain from using that room as well. And yes, watching television might be one of those things. If the noise bothers him, you may then say, "Perhaps you would like to nap in another room where you can have more privacy."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The couple next door, with whom I have begun to build a good relationship, went on an overseas vacation and asked one of their friends to house-sit for two weeks.

Today, I noticed four other cars parked in front of their house. From the chatter over the fence, I could hear that the house sitter had invited a small group of people to the house for a gathering.

I do not know if my neighbors gave the house sitter permission to invite guests. When my neighbors return, how can I delicately broach the subject without sounding accusatory toward the house sitter, but in a way that would make my neighbor aware of what happened?

GENTLE READER: Were they causing a neighborhood disturbance? Other than commanding your attention to watch, Miss Manners means.

You do not know if the arrangement allowed the house sitter to entertain. If you feel you must speak up, Miss Manners will allow you to say something like, "How wonderful to have friends whom you can trust. They were so considerate when they threw their party at your house last week. We hardly heard a peep."

If your neighbors balk, you can look shocked saying, "Oh, dear. I just assumed that you knew."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not a very big fan of most wines, but I do enjoy port. When I go out to eat, is it appropriate to order a dessert wine like port or sherry during the main course?

Also, if it is all right to drink port with dinner, how do I politely explain to the waiter that I know what I am ordering? I've had two waiters tell me that I should select something else for dinner, even though I was quite certain of what I wanted.

GENTLE READER: Traditions about food pairings still carry some force in formal events or private parties where the complete meal is selected by the host. They have little or no relevance in restaurants.

You will get a funny look if you order both a pasta and a meat course in Italian restaurants in the United States, where both dishes have been apportioned -- and priced -- as stand-alone dinners. But no one will think twice if you order three appetizers and call it a meal.

If you are more than 4 years old, Miss Manners does, however, caution against ordering dessert first, as you may be given the check when you are just getting started. The waiter can be thanked for his suggestion, but assured that you know what you want.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you think about those individuals who announce their own upcoming birthday? What should one do when someone says, "Don't forget my birthday next week"?

GENTLE READER: The wording of your response will depend upon your relationship to the person; the enthusiasm and sincerity displayed should not.

If the person is a close relative -- and has reason to suspect that you will forget unless reminded -- you may answer, "Of course I know that, silly! I can't wait." If the person is a co-worker or other acquaintance for whom there is no expectation that you recognize the birthday, the answer should be, "Oh, that's wonderful! I hope you have a lovely birthday."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would you do this Gentle Reader an enormous favor and remind those who attend funerals not to approach the near and dear of the dearly departed with questions such as, "Do you remember me?" or "Do you know who I am?"

Please, if I have not seen you in many years, just tell me your name, and possibly how I know you, as in, "Hello, I'm Bob, and I worked with your father for many years. I am so sorry for your loss."

I have had this guessing game thrown at me at both of my parents' funerals, as well as at the funeral of an old high school friend whose service I helped to conduct. I can almost forgive the high school instance, because such an event is only a step away from an actual reunion. But please don't terrorize family members with it.

GENTLE READER: People who do this, on any occasion whatsoever, have answered their own question -- no, they are not memorable. Miss Manners would think that that realization alone would discourage this rude quizzing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While terms such as "first lady" should/may be on their way out, I'm just not sure of the proper term for the husband of the president. Is he the "first man"? ... "first gentleman"? ... "first husband"? (as opposed to second?) ... "first spouse"? I'm just not sure.

Also, with so many female high commissioners and ambassadors, is it "madam ambassador" -- or is that the wife of a male ambassador? What do you call a female ambassador to her face in wishing to address her? I have a French friend who calls his ambassador "ma cherie" -- but I guess that's because he is Monsieur l'ambassadeur! Or is he?

Maybe we should seek a new term for first lady or the male equivalent. How about "first genderperson"? Or then again, maybe we should just refer to our respective first ladies as what they are: the boss!

GENTLE READER: Or should we perhaps finally get around to recognizing that these people are private citizens and not issue them silly titles? (As the then-Jacqueline Kennedy pointed out when her husband was president, "first lady" sounds like the name of a horse.)

For a country that originally strived to get away from the flowery titles of court society, America has gone cutesy about conferring them where they are not needed. Other countries' customs of spouse titles (Frau Doktor, Mrs. Colonel) are not an American tradition.

If such a gentleman does not have a title of his own, he should be addressed as Mr. Surname. And if he does have one, Miss Manners dearly hopes that, despite widespread misusage, it will be used correctly. As a hypothetical example, it should be noted that there is only one president of the United States at a time, and while former holders of the office can use lesser titles that they may have had, they should not be properly addressed as president.

And about your "madam ambassador": For Americans, and for the foreign diplomatic corps in Washington (my beat for many years), it is only the ambassador herself who has that courtesy title. But some countries give it to ambassadors' wives.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whenever my partner and I have someone do some work on our home, such as a gardener, repair person, delivery person who sets something up in my house, etc., I always offer them a beverage -- coffee if it's early morning or a soda if it's midday.

My partner says this is unnecessary and, in fact, rude because it's presuming a friendship where none exists. I agree that it isn't strictly necessary, but I think it's a nice gesture.

For example, there was someone repairing my windshield in the cold, so I gave him a cup of coffee. I fully realize that once the job is complete, these people are not going to be our friends, yet I feel offering a beverage is a small, harmless courtesy.

GENTLE READER: As indeed it is -- an optional but pleasant courtesy. If you start saying you would like to meet these people's families, Miss Manners will consider it time enough for your partner to object that you have crossed a line.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)