DEAR MISS MANNERS: My email address is apparently very similar to that of a woman who doesn't remember hers very well. I periodically get emails that are intended for her from her various friends and relatives.

Even reading the subject lines of these emails tends to make me fume -- they are racist, offensive, and completely the opposite of my political beliefs.

I know the correct thing to do is probably just to ignore the emails or send a one-line response about the email address being wrong (which I have done), but is there any way I can also convey that the emails are completely offensive?

I guess it's hopeless to make people change their views, but barring that, how do I get over my own anger triggered by these emails? Sometimes finding one and realizing that people out there believe such terrible things can ruin my whole morning!

GENTLE READER: In the pre-email days, it was understood that it was impolite to open another person's correspondence even if it was, mistakenly, laid at your doorstep.

This was not always observed; it is all too easy to slice open an envelope without proofreading the addressee. But in those cases, etiquette dictated that the fiction be maintained that the contents remained private.

The same applies to email even if you only learn of the misdirection by reading the subject line. Following the older form -- in which it was acceptable to reply coldly, "Please be aware that Mrs. Pence no longer resides at this address" -- you may answer: "Please update your address book. Your subject line can be considered offensive, and as the email was not intended for me, I wish to avoid any future misunderstandings."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have recently retired and plan to travel with my wife. My brother and his wife, who are also retired, have suggested several times that we travel together.

While he is a hale fellow with many interests compatible with ours, his controlling wife is not. For example, she often, at the last minute, decides not to participate in a previously planned activity, but insists that the three of us go ahead. If we do, however, she pouts and takes it out on him.

How do we decline their traveling suggestions once and for all without generating family discord?

GENTLE READER: By declining their traveling invitations one at a time.

You cannot tell someone, "We are never going to travel with you" and expect to avoid the inevitable follow-up question. And there is no plausible answer to "Why not?" that avoids family discord.

Miss Manners does not propose that you lie about your reasons, or that you tell them truthfully. Better to leave their suggestions at, "We are so sorry, but we simply can't go then/there," and to tell them your plans only when it is too late to change arrangements. If this is done often enough, your relatives should grow tired of asking.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a top-tier frequent flier, I get free food and wine from the buy-on-board menu. Flight attendants see my status when they tally the bill, but some want a credit card first.

I would rather not add to other passengers' misery by announcing my privilege, but have found no other clear response to a demand for payment. What would you do?

GENTLE READER: Not conspire with the airlines to protect their customers from knowing the petty details of their class system.

It is tender of you to worry about the chagrin that passengers experience from knowing how crudely comfort and amenities are apportioned by tallying the accumulated money spent, not only on tickets, but also on credit card charges and such.

However, those unvalued customers already know the principle. Very likely they have been patiently waiting to board after those holding such honors as "Platinum," "Gold," "Silver," and, for all Miss Manners knows, "Silverplate," "Iron" and "Tin."

Miss Manners doubts that knowing that you get a few dollars' worth of sustenance will add to their misery as much as to their cynicism.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years and I were out celebrating my birthday with our combined family, he ran into some old friends who were dining out at the same place.

My boyfriend does not introduce me to people when he stops to talk with them. He tells me he cannot remember their names and does not want to offend them. However, I feel offended that he does not care to include me in.

Perhaps I'm too soft? Later, while we were all eating, this woman came over and said she wanted a picture with my boyfriend. I felt like an outsider, since I had no idea who this was. She was laughing and insisting on getting a picture. My daughters and I had to stand up in order to let him out of the booth. I then helped take the picture, and she was off.

I then asked my boyfriend who she was. He said she was family to his ex-girlfriend but could not remember her name. That was his reasoning for not introducing me. I felt it was very rude. He didn't want to hurt her feelings by not remembering her name, so he left me out.

What about my feelings? Is it wrong to like to feel honored by him?

GENTLE READER: What about having feelings for someone who has trouble remembering names? Miss Manners does, and can rescue the gentleman.

Presumably he remembers your name. And if not, you have a worse problem than the one you reported.

Teach him the trick of saying the name he does know with "May I introduce ...?" as if the other person is in the needs-no-introduction category (which doesn't exist, but never mind that for now).

But wait -- why aren't you rescuing him? You need only stand up and introduce yourself instead of hanging back, feeling insulted. Just remember to keep looking at the stranger, not back at your beau, as you wait for the name to be supplied.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have several friends and family members who are gay and have just gotten legally married through a justice of the peace or are planning to do so.

We went to all of their wedding ceremonies in the past -- before these were legal unions -- and we gave them gifts then. Now we are confused as to what, if anything, should be gotten for them now that they are going to the courthouse to make it legal.

Is just a card acceptable? Or just a phone call or email? Do we get another gift? Or nothing at all?

GENTLE READER: Your good wishes, in whatever form of communication the announcement was issued (although Miss Manners, of course, always prefers a handwritten letter), are all that is required. A formal announcement of a legal marriage is perfectly correct and even proper -- as long as there is no solicitation for additional gifts or funding underneath it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Throughout the school year, our daughter is invited to a dozen or so parties for classmates, and we make every attempt to attend them all.

But she is a summer baby. We live in a fairly affluent community, where most people take off for extended vacations in the summer, or sign their kids up for expensive local camps or classes -- none of which we can afford.

So, not only does our daughter lose touch with her classmates, but in July, when her birthday rolls around, they are either out of town or enrolled in some kind of activity.

On her seventh birthday this past summer, she was so excited about the prospect of reconnecting with her friends from school, but when only one classmate showed up, she was brokenhearted. I was so brokenhearted for her that I wanted to cry.

I have considered celebrating her next birthday at the end of the school year before classes end to better ensure that she is surrounded by her friends, but I don't know how this would be received, being that it is not really her birthday.

GENTLE READER: You should know that Miss Manners gets scores of letters from parents bemoaning the fact that they feel an obligation (or it is the school's mandate) to invite an entire class of children that they are unable to accommodate. They would probably love to trade problems with you.

In any case, parents have to arrange children's parties according to various scheduling issues all the time; it is the rare birthday party that falls on the actual day. That your daughter's party will be a month instead of a week earlier should hardly be noteworthy.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)