DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I spent the day with his sister and her family, as well as with extended family from out of town, my brother-in-law made sure there was a bottle of one of my favorite wines, which I thought was a nice gesture.

I confess that during the six hours we were there, I drank the whole bottle.

The next day, at a birthday party for another family member, my brother-in-law said (in a very loud voice and in front of everyone), "You sure took care of that bottle of wine yesterday, didn't you?" He actually said it twice.

I was very embarrassed. I know that one must not drink to excess at gatherings, but I wasn't loud and boisterous or overtly drunk.

Since then, on visits to their home, I have replaced that bottle of wine and have politely refused wine or cocktails. I have not told him that I was embarrassed by what he said, but he has noticed that I don't partake at their house anymore. "Are you sure you don't want something? How come you're not drinking?"

I would never feel comfortable drinking at their house again. Can I just continue to decline wine or cocktails when we visit? As you know, sometimes people make it hard to refuse a drink. I don't have to explain, do I?

GENTLE READER: No, and it is not only hosts who can't stand the sight of someone without a drink in hand. You need only keep repeating, "No, thank you," until you wear such people out.

But this is your brother-in-law, and he knows something is wrong, even if he has not figured out what. And despite his unwarranted announcement, there is evidence that he wants to please, not embarrass, you.

You could lightly mention that perhaps you had drunk enough that one night to cover all future visits. But if you are unwilling to discuss the matter, then it is time to forget about his gaffe and resume normal behavior, whatever you want that to be.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I contacted a software company via email for a small project I was assigned to about two years ago. Their services were way more than we needed for our three-month initiative. I let them know and thought everyone moved on. The project ended in 2013.

I am still getting emails asking for a few minutes of my time to talk about their products or how they can become a vendor partner for my company.

I work in a research capacity for a small department of a very large corporation, and have zero purchasing power and no clout with anyone who does. I respond as such about every six months -- but I still get emails.

Is there anything I can say to get the point across? They are wasting everyone's time by contacting me.

GENTLE READER: Apparently there is nothing you can say to get the point across. But Miss Manners has good news: You are under no obligation to try.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friends' kids always ask for gifts or say, "You didn't give me a gift" for their birthdays or Christmas. This is done while their moms are present, and they don't say anything.

How do I ask my friends to tell their kids that it's rude to ask people for gifts?

GENTLE READER: Never mind the mothers, who are obviously not going to teach them manners.

Miss Manners suggests responding directly and pleasantly to the children with, "Why -- were you planning to give me one?"

Their astonishment should give you the opportunity to explain politely that giving presents is voluntary and generally expected to be reciprocal.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to wear a woman's necklace?

No, I am not a man wanting to wear women's necklaces. I am a husband who buys his wife jewelry that is especially attractive and, to my mind, youthful and appropriate for daily wearing.

But she says necklaces are worn only with dresses. They are not to be worn with shirts, blouses, and definitely not with T-shirts. Since she rarely wears a dress, she thanks me and maybe wears my gifts one time, then they go in her jewelry cabinet, never to see the light of day.

Please tell me I am correct that necklaces can be worn most any time, and not only with a dress!

GENTLE READER: Yes, presuming that you understand the gradations between sporting a diamond choker and a gold chain. But what good does this do you? Your wife does not like to wear necklaces. So why do you keep giving them to her?

Miss Manners is astonished at the number of people who would rather prove a point than please a spouse, and politely excuses herself from being involved.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am celebrating a milestone birthday with a formal masquerade-themed party at an event facility. The time of the party is 7 p.m. to midnight. It includes a cocktail hour at 7, with dinner following.

Can I add the 7 p.m. cocktail hour to the invitation? I would hate guests to misunderstand and think that they could arrive anytime between 7 and midnight.

GENTLE READER: The temptation to tell one's guests when they are expected to leave is one with which Miss Manners sympathizes.

Clear signals are often neglected. If the hosts do not rise from the table to announce coffee in the living room as the final act, guests feel awkward about being the first to get up.

And then some people just never know when to go home.

However, putting both starting and finishing times on an invitation, often done for cocktail parties, indeed suggests that they may arrive during the event -- not toward its end, to be sure, but not necessarily at the starting point.

You are giving a dinner party, so you should inform your guests that it will start at 7, as drinks before the meal are part of the routine. That tells them to arrive on time -- and you can only hope that they will take themselves off at a decent hour.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate manner to point? We have a grandson who points with his middle finger a lot.

GENTLE READER: Well, that's definitely not it.

Pointing at a person with any finger is rude. Gestures that use your whole hand or a clear verbal description -- such as a name -- are always preferred. For everything else, Miss Manners recommends, well, the pointing index finger.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Someone I chat with at the gym has told me he's writing a book. I've been out of town for a couple months, and my manners tell me that next time I see him, I should ask about the book.

However, I don't want to read it; it's science fiction, a genre I don't enjoy.

In the past, I've had two acquaintances mention that they'd written books. Wanting to be supportive, I've bought both books (without a sale being solicited), read them, and felt compelled to say something positive, while I'd have preferred reading something from my own library.

In this age of self-publishing, how do you advise one handle this situation?

GENTLE READER: By not going looking for trouble. While it is kind of you to take an interest in your acquaintances' work, there is no obligation to read it, especially as no such request is being made.

For this, you should count yourself lucky. Miss Manners advises you to continue being pleasant, but not to go courting resentment -- on your part or theirs. And if these acquaintances ever do ask you directly, you may say, "Oh yes, I've been meaning to read that" for as long as you may politely continue to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter invited seven friends to join her at a local amusement park for her 13th birthday. Everyone responded, saying that they would be delighted to attend.

On the day of the party, one of the girls arrived at the park with a friend who had not been invited to the party. My daughter graciously told the girl that she could use my son's ticket since he had unexpectedly woken up with a bad headache, but the whole situation was decidedly uncomfortable.

Why would the parents think it was appropriate to bring an uninvited guest to a "destination" birthday party? How should we have handled this?

It did not actually cost us extra for this extra guest since my son was sick, and she was technically taking his place, if that makes a difference.

GENTLE READER: The parents were wrong, but your daughter, Miss Manners is pleased to say, behaved impeccably.

As the ticket was available and the girl's friend was not necessarily to blame for the transgression, there was nothing to do but to be gracious.

In order to avoid a repeat offense, however, you would not be remiss in telling the girl's parents next time you see them, "Isn't it lucky that my son had a headache?" -- with the optional insertion of a long pause here to allow for confusion and inquiry as to why -- "Or we would never have been able to accommodate your daughter's unexpectedly showing up with a friend at the party."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)